Hello,
My 15 year old son was recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Pervasive Development Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified). We had him admitted to a behavioral health facility because of suicidal ideations.
Our life has been a roller coaster. My son's father left us when he was one year old and has been a constant source of conflict and negativity. My current husband and I have been together for more than 12 years. We like to think that we have been good parents, supportive, and loving. However, since the age of 3, my son has told me he hates me. We used to think that he was just a difficult child, that his extreme mood swings were a part of his personality. He would talk incessantly, without anyone getting a word in edgewise. He's always loved to interact with other kids and to fit in, but was never invited to birthday parties or had special friendships (even now). I never noticed his lack of empathy until last year when he failed to understand the sensitivity of his younger brother. I never realized, too, his lack of imagination until we had another child! When I see our younger boy dressing up and playing pretend, I think "his brother never did that!" Another thing that has come to light is his constant foot-tapping! I thought maybe it was his ADHD, but am now under the belief it's actually part of his autism. Our teenager is also gifted, especially in mathematics. So many of his behaviors I attributed to his giftedness, I now believe were probably something completely different.
So now we have a perfect storm of issues. My son desperately wants to fit in at school and be accepted, but has very few friends. Only one has asked why he hasn't been in school for the past two weeks. In addition to all of his diagnoses, I believe my son is addicted to the internet, specifically Facebook and instant messaging. So much so, that he can't differentiate between what is reality and what is not. If he's asked, he'll say he has "lots" of friends, but, in reality, those friends are mostly online and only a few he's actually met in real life. We've caught him having explicit sexual conversations with girls and soliciting naked pictures of them. He calls the girls he talks to online his "girlfriends." He tells them he loves them. He doesn't understand when they start directing him to pornographic websites that they are not interested in friendships with him, just getting him to buy something. We used to have video games, but he was so obsessed with them that we called them his "crack." We got rid of all video games about a year and a half ago. He still has regular meltdowns where he "checks out," mostly when we take away his privileges. We've also found out that he's starting smoking marijuana and was planning on experimenting with salvia. On top of all of this mess, we have my ex-husband constantly validating my son's irrational thoughts--oh yes, it's all your Mother's fault! She's abusing you! If you lived with me, I wouldn't treat you like that! Just move in with me and everything will be okay! My ex-husband has not been involved in my son's life but for a few weeks each summer and half of Christmas break. Now that my son is especially vulnerable to his pressure, he's been laying it on pretty thick--all because he doesn't want to pay child support. So much so that the therapist has had to intercede on my son's behalf.
I honestly believe that all of my son's diagnoses are interrelated. His frustration and disappointment with developing social ties has led to his depression and exacerbates his ODD. His psychological assessment recommended residential treatment because of his depression, ADHD, inability to recognize how his behaviors affect others, and his lack of empathy. While I am sad that his life has come to this, I am relieved to know that there is a name for his uniqueness and that he is not alone. I have been doing a ton of research on Asperger's and believe that it is a more accurate diagnosis. While I believe we could be successful at home, our son has more significant diagnoses to deal with right now. I'm hoping to find other parents that have children like mine. We love him so much and want to see him successful! I'm so afraid that he'll end up like his birth father: three failed marriages, criminal activity, unable to hold a permanent job, and no friends. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated!
02 Apr 2012, 1:08 am
