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Hi all, I just signed up here to get some insight on what makes me "tick". I was hoping to talk about what I've been through in life so I could either confirm or deny the possibility of having AS. I've tried seeing specialists about autism, but they all seem to think that I'm normal, or an NT. Maybe they're right and I'm just overthinking it, or maybe I'm right and need to get help so I can start living my life to the fullest. I look forward to your responses.

we're listening. why do you think you have AS?

Oh, it would probably help if I wrote why I think I have AS, huh?

-Always toe walk when barefoot
-Think constantly about things no one else would think of
-Have been having a hard time making eye contact and speaking with a lot of inflection
-Been kind of slow on the uptake my whole life; jokes, suggestive body movements and certain turns of phrase elude me.
-Have been told I have a look of evil in my eyes, or an emptiness, maybe a lack of empathy?
-Had poor hygiene in middle school and high school (I'm much cleaner now.)
-Hard time making and keeping friends, most people give me a wide, fearful looking gaze when I talk with them.
-Can't motivate myself to do things, get a job, car, life, whatever.
-And I spend most of my time playing video games and watching cartoons, I'm 20 btw.

sounds like you could have AS.

Welcome to WP!

I had a lot of contact with a counselor in high school, who, at times thought I could have AS, but he also realized that I've shown a great deal of anxiety and social anxiety in general. He told me, "How much of it is AS, and how much of it is the anxiety?" My entire life I've felt... Different, but could never explain why, or what exactly it is I feel. You know how when you get scared, there's this cringing feeling in your stomach and up your back? That's how I feel whenever I leave my home. I don't hate people, per se, but I don't like the majority of people either, I'm usually pretty selective.

A few other things have troubled me, I spent most of my childhood and teenage years quoting shows and games which made a lot of people annoyed with me, especially since I would do it repetitively. I don't exactly adhere to a strict schedule, but I figure there is a lot more things I could be doing with my life. Big changes like going somewhere I haven't been before bug me a bit, but little changes in my routine I can deal with, I'd say it makes my day as a whole more fun.

One last thing: I've had a huge vocabulary ever since I was little, by the time I was in the 7th grade, I was told my grammar skills were at the college level.

I think I'm beating around the bush.

I mean, what difference would it make to know I have AS? What would change?

Nothing. I'd still be me with just another label that people could play off of and make me feel miserable. I'd rather have everyone think I'm perfectly normal and box in all of my fears and feelings. Maybe I just want an escape for all of my faults, and being diagnosed with AS would do the trick, but it won't.

I'm going to try harder. I want to make change and be succesful in life. I don't want to be remembered as a loser who did nothing, or worse, never be remembered at all.

I don't need to know if I have AS, it would probably do more harm than good to know the (possible) truth.

It seems to me that a "diagnosis" is just a starting place to help others understand you and you to understand yourself.
It also lets you see that you are normal for you, and that you learn and think differently than other people do. Most important that you are free to learn and think differently than other people do. It can help you to learn how to interact with other people or why they react to you the way they do.

I would feel it is freedom to learn these things. a start a new place to grown and bloom from.

we have to look at life as a chance to grow each day.

Knowledge is power.

I get what you guys are saying, but if I do have AS, things will change for me if I become aware of it.
I have three good friends in my life, and their ideology is: As long as things are, they are. But as soon as you give a "thing" a title or label, your perception of it changes. One of those friends actually shows a degree of AS, and he's one of the coolest people I know.

I would rather be seen as a neurotype, and fix my idiosyncrasies with the help of those closest to me. Even if I do have some level of autism, it probably isn't too severe. The one thing I do need to start doing is giving myself credit for my accomplishments. Most of my life I've dwelt on the negative, and it's been killing me.

An alternative:- If you have AS, allow others to continue to see you as NT, by not sharing an AS diagnosis.
That way you get to clarify your situation for yourself, and work on your idiosyncrasies as described, but with less of the confusion you seem to have.

See, I don't even think I have AS. My parents, friends, and even the professionals I have gone to see don't think so. If anything I was just scared at the possiblity, but I also know that some of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder match up with AS, and I think I'm leaning more towards that. I was diagnosed with that and depression when I was 12, the depression went away thanks to the herb, but the anxiety remains.

-Always toe walk when barefoot

Not GAD, more like AS.

-Been kind of slow on the uptake my whole life; jokes, suggestive body movements and certain turns of phrase elude me.

Not GAD, more likely AS. Indicates inabilty to read others.

-Had poor hygiene in middle school and high school (I'm much cleaner now.)
-Hard time making and keeping friends, most people give me a wide, fearful looking gaze when I talk with them.

Not GAD, more likely AS.

-Can't motivate myself to do things, get a job, car, life, whatever.

Not GAD, more likely depression, if it's true that lack of motivation is preventing this.

AS is not something to be afraid about. For many it's a relief to finally have a logical explanation for things, not to mention a community in which to [finally] be understood..
I can see why you suspected you may have it.

It appears that the GAD is getting in the way of any actual diagnosis though.
Definitely recommend dealing with that as a priority.

should probably clarify:
-I don't exactly toe-walk, I tiptoe when there is a lot of debris on the floor, I don't like stuff getting stuck to my bare feet.
-Not exactly slow, I can read people most of the time, unless they have a poker face on, then they don't want to be read so easily.
-My hygiene wasn't that bad, I would occasionally skip a day on accident. But when I do take a shower, (which is daily now) I get every inch of my body cleaned.
-It's not that I don't have an easy time making friends, I just feel awkward having nothing to relate to my peer group with. but the friends I do hang out with, I can talk to and do anything with.
-I only have a hard time making eye contact when first meeting someone, because I'm not too sure about them, but the more I talk to them, and the more I learn about their interests, the easier it gets.
-Never had a big problem with my tone of voice and inflections, I actually have quite the speaking voice when I'm happily engaged in conversation, I just don't sound as involved when I'm feeling bored or depressed.

What I mean is, that I kind of jumped the gun on my answers, I hope these are more thorough.

Yes, much.

Many people with AS also have Anxiety and/or Depression as secondary conditions, thus there will be many here who relate to you, and you can definitely feel welcome to be here.

All the best with your anxiety

Thanks cathylynn, Tim_Tex, MamaRainbow, and ThinkTrees for the warm welcome. Is there a section of the forums to talk about other issues like anxiety and depression?