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I've long suspected I might have aspergers, but it was mostly idle, in that I did nothing to confirm this. I have a long distaste for psychiatry, stemming from mine and my father's experiences over the years. I was treated for bipolar when I was a teen and in my early 20s. It did not go well. We had communication problems, and the medications sent me to worse places.

I'm 33, and trying to make my way through life. I avoid uncomfortable situations until they are magnified. I have trouble working with others. I melt down , and have huge amounts of trouble not voicing what I know come across as paranoid or whatever. I am always afraid that the people I love will abandon me. I am always afraid that I will merrily believe I'm doing and saying the Right Things, only to find I've been oblivious to others and missed something important I will be held accountable for later.

I've withdrawn into my room and paid more attention to esoterica about computers and cars than I have my own body let alone other peoples feelings. For months. I've struggled with alcohol. I've done prison time in Alabama, for a small amount of marijuana, but mostly for not showing up for court and court ordered appointments, which to them expressed contempt but was only driven by fear and my avoidance thereof.

I'm in a relationship with a good woman, and now I'm constantly afraid I'll mess that up too. Which, historically speaking, sends me into a tailspin. I have children. I can't afford to spin out.

My AQ is 37. I have no health insurance. I don't know how to begin to get a diagnosis or treatment.

hiya, welcome to our club
you are doing better than me.

Hi Whozatmac! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. I had bad experiences with psych docs and therapists when I was growing up, and with the crummy meds they prescribed. I prefer to avoid both now.

Remember, you are among friends here at WP! Now, get some rest!

Thanks for the welcome.

The story of my life seems to one one of pulling my life together, then letting it all fall apart again.

Which is why I'm here, asking for help before it all comes crashing down again.

I've been out of the clutches of the state of Alabama for five months. I am terrified. At first I seemed to do better, but recently, under the stresses of trying to move across several states, and be a father to mu son, and find work, and .....

I've had a supportive family on my return, but I feel completely at sea. I was a complete shut in when I finally landed in prison. Then two years of that. Only my strangeness kept me safe there, as I don't know how to fight of lie. Wierdly silent, cryptic, and smart confused the predators. Which was everyone. My paranoia has not improved from this.

I realize my entire life story is tumbling forth.

Sperg out.

Welcome from me too. As has been said already: relax, you are safe here among friends. But I do recognise some of the feelings you are voicing, and I suspect others will as well.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WP

Mick