Are there other gray-haired Aspies out there?

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I'm an Aspie grandma. At least I finally think I figured out why I can't keep a job (they have all ended in my hysterics!), avoid leadership roles (although I do fine as Treasurer, Secretary, Webmaster or Newsletter editor of various organizations I have happened into), never could sell anything and hated my longest job (teaching in a high school).
I think I've also figured out what makes my son tick - and why we're so much alike, but have had such terrible clashes.
Luckily a guy I knew in Grad School found me again about 10 years ago and we're now happily married - so I don't have to keep worrying about not keeping a job.
What finally made me realize my condition was being appointed President of the Chorale I sing in. I had all sorts of great ideas, but I couldn't figure out how to get anyone to do them right - and I'm a Technical Writer and pride myself on writing really usable user guides!
Then it occured to me that that has been a problem all my life. I think I see the forest - and even look at all the individual trees that make it up, but I can't get one tree to understand another.
I think I'm really looking for an opportunity to look back on my life, when no one even had heard of Autism, much less Asperger's.

From one end of the pool of life to another; I'm only 16! Welcome to Wrong Planet and I hope you enjoy your stay! We've got everything here: News, Forums, Off-site links, spa pools...okay, so the spa pools aren't here, but this is a great place nonetheless! I won't be so rude as to ask just exactly HOW old you are, though.

Greetings, bonbayel. Hoping you enjoy WP!

Hi!

Don't worry, there are a lot of us grayhaired aspies out there.

I used to do some volunteer work for a comitee regarding a handicap organisation, and suddenly I sat with a lot of responsibilities, and I did not know how to do half the things I was supposed to. The other members gave me a hard time about it. It really stressed me out.
I found a way out, and six months later I heard of aspergers and in my forties I finally understood a whole lot of things about myself.

You do sound like you have had succes in your life, for an aspie I mean. Husband, kid, jobs. For my part I never had any of those. Well done.

Sorry, but yay Corcovado for reaching 500 posts!
*hi-fives*

Well...



Welcome to the
Wrong Planet.

Oooh, crap I've missed that! Thanks KBABZ, guess I'm a greyhaired veteran now. LOL

Oh, high-fives right back, SLAP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

I was diagnosed at the age of 48, and am definitely old enough to be a grandparent, now I've hit 50.

No children, or SO, so it's unlikely to happen.

As for the grey bit...
Certain changes are taking place in my neat ginger Van Dyke.

And in a good many ways your account of life (bumping through it like a ball on a pin-table?)
does resemble mine.

Lots of things I can do, some of them exceptionally well, but lots of stuff other people find simple I find incredibly complicated, or pointless, or bordering on incomprehensible.

I guess I am pretty low-level Asperger's, since I have managed to get this far without figuring out that my problems might be more than just being "smart". I lived in Denmark for 29 years, but divorced my Danish husband after 12, and went many years until my present husband found me again.
All those years in Denmark I was thinking that my problems were caused by being an American in a very conservative society (OK, I know they have a great welfare state...) that doesn't like "individualists" very much.
During the years I've learned some good coping things, that made life easier.
In high school I discovered that smiling to people is a great weapon. So I smile to almost everyone, and get a smile back in return.
In a business course I learned about listening to people, and I've actually developed some skills at drawing people out to listen to what they have to say first. This sometimes gets them enough on my side that I can then be whatever wierd I am (I of course can't see the wierdness) and they (sometimes) put up with it. My biggest problems have happened when I just barged in with a suggestion on how to do something without gaining their confidence.

Somehow I've managed all this so well, that when I told my 32-year-old Danish daughter about my discovered of AS, she wouldn't believe it, because I'm so outgoing. (But, of course, it's just a facade.) She's had a hard time having a mother who's not "normal" - like being an American in Denmark...

Not necessarily. For many of us, for many years, it simply didn't exist as an option on the board to pick.

And being smart, but not quite smart enough to hide it, does produce a number of similar social effects.



This is the plus side of the "smart" aspect of Asperger's, isn't it? We can put it together, a bit at a time, almost like doing a jigsaw. But for most it remains something of a mask or, at best, a performance.

It's a matter of coping.
(Derives from the Dutch for "cape", apparently,
hence ideas of keeping things wrapped up, protected or at least hidden)

My hair is turning silver at the sides... is that close enough?

Is your vagina not functional or would'nt any guy in his right mind go near it??

It's interesting you see Denmark as a conservative society. You don't mean politically do you?

By the way I am danish, and I always find it interesting to hear what outsiders think about my country, since it's a different wiev they bring.

getting there

Hi Corcovado! Great to hear from a fellow "Dane"!

In many ways, I feel probably just as Danish as you do, having studied, worked and lived there for 29 years, and with my daughter being very Danish and my (probably AS) son living there but not loving it.

I really appreciate the Danish welfare system for sending my kids to school through university (and my son even in Wales), for caring for my former husband's stroke and aftermath and my daughter's several hospital trips . . . and being able to get an appointment with my doctor the day I get sick, not 3 weeks later!

i also really appreciated the unemployment system that kept me going between my many short job stints - both financially and with various training courses, called "activation". However, I expect that some of my job difficulties were caused by the system rather than aided by it. Most of the people in the courses I took were over 40, as I was. No one was hiring capable, mature people who had lost their jobs for some reason or other. I expect that AS and other special people would be given a nice pension rather than get them into a job. As a foreigner, even one with a Danish university degree and fluent in Danish, there were jobs I could not expect to get.

The job market here in California is much better for me. I have found numerous small contracts as a technical writer, some on site, some at home. In general I can avoid office politics this way. The few times I was hired for a permanent position it just did not work out, because I was so frustrated - or managed to alienate a key person!

I think the good Danish welfare system eliminated the need for employers to accept different kinds of people, and it also wasn't very well thought out for contractors (even though they were covered by the national health insurance).

Another way to get to know me is through my pictures, of here in California, Denmark, a trip with my Chorale to Mexico, etc. at www.flickr.com/photos/bonbayel/.