Not sure if I should pursue a diagnosis

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Hi! I'm agatha! I'm an unemployed financial analyst in the US. About a month and a half ago I had someone at work accused me of 'sperging out'. Not a nice woman; she also called me a 'tard. I have a very high iq and I never fit in. I have a lot of repetitive behaviors. I also tend to talk at length abouth subjects I'm interested in- which is what brought on the bout of name calling. I looked up Aspegers and reading about it was like an arrow hitting home. I could read and write at a very early age. I tend to be very literal, even now- though it's much better. I do not instinctively look people in the eye when we talk. I get completely absorbed in a subject and can focus on it exclusively for months or years. I memorized huge lists of things as a kid. I also memorize a fair amount of poetry. There's more, but it may not be necessary to go into all of it here.

I came to Wrong Planet and read posts written by people who, like me, suspected they might have AS but didn't know for sure. I took several online assessments and all indicated aspergers. My Aspie quiz came out Aspie: 160/200 NT: 63/200. I bought and read books and websites and studies. I believe I have Aspergers. I don't know whether to try and get an official diagnosis. My analysis runs like this: if I could find someone to test me (who's not opposed to me being an adult or a lady), find a way to pay for it, and finally go through the process, then I would take that diagnosis and read all I can about it- using all the info to cope with some issues that have caused me much trouble. So, best case scenario is me looking for validation from a stranger to do what I can do by myself. I also don't trust doctors, too many misdiagnoses. But to be honest, with all that you hear about people with self-diagnosed AS, I also want that validation from a stranger. Without a firm diagnosis, I'm afraid to tell my family. My mom would rage in disbelief. I have a two-year-old nephew who is in social/speech therapy because of his high risk for autism and his presenting certain symptoms. She doesn't believe my sister when she says that her delightful little son even *might* be autistic. She really can't cope with the idea of anybody in our family having any sort of spectrum disorder. So, i know she wouldn't believe me. I guess just I haven't made up my mind yet. So, hello! And thank you all, you've already helped me so much.

Professional diagnoses aren't 100% reliable, but they still seem far more reliable than self-diagnoses. It also sounds like you've got little hope of convincing your family without a professional diagnosis, even then it probably won't be easy.

Yeah, I know. Thanks for responding. I had a pretty terrible history with docs trying to medicate any behaviors they didn't like (or my mom didn't like) into oblivion. I was thinking maybe the Aspergers Association of New England could give me a reference or something

Certainly sounds like you're either on the spectrum or close to it.

And Welcome to Wrong Planet! I hope you like it here and I think you can be a good contributor.

ASAN is a self-advocacy group.
http://autisticadvocacy.org/

Someone did a great spoof re-write of DSM-IV, I think better than the original!
http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/ ... or-autism/

Hi Agatha! Welcome to Wrong Planet! You are among friends here at WP!

Whether to seek an official diagnosis depends on whether you need it to qualify for government programs, or insurance coverage for treatment programs, and also, if you just can't stand not having an official diagnosis.

I am self diagnosed, and satisfied with that. I am already on government assistance for other health problems, so I don't need to add this to the official list. Also, many NTs just don't have a good understanding of spectrum disorders, and many will discriminate against and/or bother people who are different. So I prefer to keep my condition on a need to know basis.

In your case, if you do go for an official diagnosis, I don't think you should discuss it with your mother or any other difficult family members. It won't help in your dealings with them, and may make things worse, so consider them not in the need to know category.

This might be the key opportunity. You might be able to briefly tell the parent in three key sentences (I'm also trying to work on being brief and more to the point! and giving the other person credit for having some snap, too) and might really help to point them on the right track.

For example, I think some parents think stimming is part of the problem, when it really is part of the solution. And how would a parent know if someone didn't tell them?

For me, stimming is both a release of tension and kind of a zen centering exercise. I will fiddle with clicking a pen, or sometimes I'll rock a foot. When alone, I will sometimes twist or squeeze a soft T-shirt as I imagine sports or action movie scenes, and sometimes I'll make sounds of explosives or gun fire or vague fighting sounds (?) or sometimes say things outloud. And yes, this is embarrassing. It's embarrassing to admit this here. I can see how a parent would think this is a problem and for that reason, I think it's important to talk about.

Now, I'm 49 years old. I have a bachelor's degree, have been a successful photocopy manager, in furniture sales, at tax preparing. I feel I am also successful at writing, although I haven't yet made any money at it. I don't stim in public, but I do sometimes stim in private.

I am not a parent, I should be honest and clear about that. But it seems like a parent can just communicate time and place to a child, similar to indoor voice in the library.

People will bounce a leg during a math test, poker players fiddle rhymically with their chips, athletes will bounce up and down waiting to go into the action (which would be considered ADHD in any other context), I'm even seen a seemingly 'normal' guy in our poker league make an all-in move and then rock in his chair (and no such thing as 'normal' anyway ) In other words, there's a lot of stimming out there in the world. But we on the spectrum tend to get criticized for doing something 'normal' in a different way.

==============

Will include a humorous newpaper article about the philosopher Jeremy Bentham stimming (although Bentham thought of himself more as a legal reformer)


Well, it’s hard to know how to read something across almost too centuries. And this is a section of the paper trying include interesting and humorous anecdotes. For example, “Panopticon" is not a light and amusing book, but instead a serious tome about a plan for prison reform! All the same . . . I really do think Bentham was probably on the spectrum, as was maybe Jane Austen, the philosopher Bertrand Russell, etc.

I am a huge pen clicker! I also do the leg bounce thing. My most repetitive behavior probably isn't stimming. I watch the same tv episodes, listen to the same songs, watch the same movies and read the same books over and over again. I also do this thing when I'm anxious where I line up all the quarters in the house with the noses on GW all perfectly parallel. That's pretty easy to hide from others. My nephew so far just does a fair amount of hand flapping and is a huge toy organizer. I used to take my toys apart, and sometimes put them back together. He also walks on his tippy toes. He doesn't talk though, and that's what has everyone so interested. I was speaking very well by age two and would be able to read and write a year later.

My sister will be supportive and fair to her son, no matter the diagnosis. I know I could tell her, but then she's in a position where she can't tell our mom. I've been in that position and it's tough to remember what you can and can't say. I've even forgotten not to be honest and caused some pain.

Questor,

You are probably right about just leaving my mom out of it. As to the self diagnosis thing, an you give me a sense if that's kindly tolerated here or of people would want me to keep quiet. I don't want to barge into a forum and say and do things that upset people. I have read long vitriolic articles (elsewhere) about people with self diagnosed AS and while I don't do what those people do- I don't just run around saying rude stuff. I'm far more likely to say something at the wrong time or in the wrong place. I once said in a group of business students that I thought that The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People was just one of many dudes getting rich off telling people that a short list of attributes would make them successful, happy and great in bed. Somebody kind came up to me afterwards and said that probably everyone in the room had read the book and most had probably liked it. He advised me not to say the same thing about The Secret. So I don't want to be "that guy" here. Any information would be helpful!

Last edited by Agatha on 03 May 2012, 7:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've experimented with sampling a book I've read some time ago. For example, I might make my best guess about where's a little before a favorite part. And then in a timeless period in one sitting, maybe 7 minutes, maybe 47 minutes, I will read uninterrupted. And sometimes I will only end up reading a neighboring part and that's okay. This sometimes brings back the magic of the book, not always, no guarantee, and sometimes it only softly happens and that's sweet, too.

With movies, I do this on even a bigger scale. For example, a while back, if I was flipping through channels and Apollo 13 was on, if it was somewhat before a favorite part, I might start watching it and end up watching this part and then a lot more.

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 03 May 2012, 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Thanks! I appreciate everyone being so nice to me.