Hello (how original.)

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This might be a bit long, I apologize in advance.
I'm a 20 year-old French girl. I have the equivalent of Bachelor's degree in Latin, Greek and English, and currently studying English on a Master's level. I ended up here thanks to one of the Internet's miracles of "one website led to another"; I've always been interested in how people function (first as a survival mechanism, I learnt to study very closely what people expect from me at any given time, which is quite a bit exhausting) and especially in neurodiversity. France is some thousands of steps behind you guys, in this field.
Anyway, I got a diagnosis of depression which seemed to me very inaccurate because it did not address some oddities of my personality, and those traits were not a part of depression, it rather seemed like they were causing it. So I got into online testing (the Aspie quiz, the emotional quotient and all that stuff), and realized ("realized" is a bit feeble, it was more like "the realization punched me in the face and made me bleed all over my keyboard") that I'm very likely to be an Aspie. I think I am relieved, in a way. I do not have to feel guilty about the fact that I have to make a huge effort to look normal, while thinking I am a complete freak; I can be content with the fact that I have to make an effort... and that it's O.K. (does that make any sense ?)
I am into a lot of things, and the things I am into I cannot seem to shut up about (it tends to drive my friends crazy). My latest interests include Sherlock Holmes (books and BBC series), David Foster Wallace, posthuman theories and postmodernism, everything related to autism and Asperger's (yesterday I got stuck in the bookstore because they closed it and did not notice I was sitting on the floor reading a book about Asperger's, I had totally forgotten where I was and what time it was (and it is not the first time this has happened)), I used to be a huge Tolkien geek (I calmed down a bit), I am really fascinated by psychopathology and ethical problems, I enjoy any form of paradox (it really brings me happiness to spot one, it's weird)... I am fiercely protective of my personal space, love to be left alone, hate to be disturbed without warning, worship coffee and tea, recently (yikes) got into smoking as a way of relieving stress and having something to do with my hands when I am surrounded by people. I am what you might call a "high achiever" in the academic field. I'm just really good at focusing on stuff and studying and overanalyzing, I guess. A visiting teacher in my uni told me that academy tends to be easier for non-neurotypical persons than a regular job, because we can turn our weaknesses (avoiding social life, loving routine and patterns) into an advantage.
I don't understand/hate paperwork, all sorts of social restraints (having to be dressed in a certain way according to the situation, for instance, or small talk), loud people, sitting in the middle of a classroom, obnoxious people, train trips because it is stressful and unpredictable (seriously, are those ever NOT late ?), I dislike not being in control and I cannot stand conflict with people I know. I tend to burn bridges a lot (with almost everyone I have ever known, actually). Also, I used to have problems (still have them, but less often) because I have a hard time getting sarcasm in a spoken conversation (especially combined with cruelty; mean sarcasm I simply do not detect. Plus when talking to someone I don't know I spend too much energy trying to look normal and do what is expected to analyze each sentence with a "does s/he really mean what s/he's saying or should I understand the opposite" filter). I do not understand prejudices, because it means judging without data and that does not make sense. I can be an insensitive b***h in some respects but hide it really well, hypersensitive in others but it is not as easy to keep in check (having a meltdown because someone killed a spider in front of you tends to surprise people). Also, I cannot drive, for a whole lot of reasons (being so afraid to kill someone, knowing that other people tend not to respect rules, too much data to analyze and react to at once). And I hate phone conversations. Texting is life.
Basically I am really, really good at faking, but it took such a large amount of energy that it nearly broke me. So here I am
There ! Congrats' to anyone who got this far, it must have been tedious, especially considering the "parenthesis overload". I'm sorry, I cannot help it, my mind works that way and it shows when I write (because orally it's impossible). So I wanted to thank you all for this forum, it really made me feel a lot less lonely just by reading your input. Feel free to MP me, I love to talk about... pretty much anything interesting.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I'll PM you within the next few days.

Welcome on wrongplanet

As you know I just found out I am probably an aspie too. I have found the forums here to be really insightful and supportive. I am thinking over many part of my life and my behavior in a new light, and I found many good thinking material searching the posts, I hope they will be as useful and interesting to you.

I have read your text, I have a history of getting trapped in closing libraries and bookshops too I will PM you about something else.

Thank you both.

ouroborosUK : It's the same for me, I am going back to a lot of events I had stored away. It's a lot of work, but it makes me understand things. I think for once I am trying not to dismiss my behaviour and way of thinking, and I am trying to understand myself instead of observing others to imitate them.
I read on your post that your girlfriend is supporting you, I think it's really great. I tried bringing the subject up with my closest friend, and he said that it was a really good thing for me because it helped me understand myself and do better in life, and that it explained my general way of being and some reactions in particular. But it did not change how he felt about me.
I am going through a lot of posts, and it is amazing how I relate to so many things, including your experience. And I saw that you are reading Attwood, I ordered yesterday his "Complete guide to Asperger's". Have you seen his YouTube interviews? They are more for family and friends of Aspies, I think, but I like the way he talks about it anyway.
I hope you are making progress with your questions and that you'll find people around you as supportive as those who are here.