Hello! ESE teacher questioning herself here.

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Hi there!

First, thanks for taking the time to have a peek at this, my first post.

As the title says, I'm an Exceptional Student Education teacher, teaching remedial English at a high school. My educational background is mainly in English Literature, not Education, so becoming a being an ESE teacher has been a very educational experience for the last five years.

I've been questioning my assumed neurotypicality for some time now. A social worker wanted to have me phycologically tested in middle school, but my guardians refused testing. I've wondered for years how my life might have been different if I had been identified in some way, but I guess one can't live one's life thinking "what if..." Being a "special ed" teacher, I've a working knowledge of the behaviors and mindset associated with Aspies and folks all along the spectrum. Typically I work with one student a year who is identifed as autistic, so I can't say they're my speciality at all.

Now I'm in a bit of a conundrum. I know just enough to be dangerous. Just as a personal belief, I don't want to self-identify; I would feel that would be disrespectful to those who have undergone official diagnosis and the very real struggle. I have taken a few online tests, the 150 question version giving me a score of 99. I'm beginning to think I'm boarderline, though I don't think my life and behaviors are greatly effected, just that my social instincts and cognative methods may be different. Being that this is of course the only brain I've ever had and I've never been able to see how other people think, my understanding of how "normal" my thinking is pretty limited. This of course leads to the problem of whether or not I'm completely self-aware of my possible issues. I could go on listing my traits which have made me concerned, but I think I've dumped enough information on the world at large for now.

So I'm left with many questions. How many "quirks", idiosyncrasies, and introvert traits divide a neurotypical from an Aspie? How would my professional knowledge influence any testing I may take, should I find the gumption to do it? How do I explain my concerns to my husband who has been with me for nearly 15 years?

Thanks again to anyone who has read this. I appologize for seemingly dumping my soul out here, but I admit I am struggling right now. Any advice or welcomes would be gladly accepted. I do appreciate there being a community here for me and others to reach out to, and again, thanks to all who've taken this bit of time.

Welcome to wrongplanet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi LadyGoat! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. You are among friends here at WP!

hi and welcome to wrong planet

Welkome to WP

Mick

Thanks very much for the welcome, everyone. I'm done a lot more lurking about, and I'm learning as much as I can. I realize that I've spent so much time looking at spectrum folks from the outside that I never knew how much we had in common on the inside. I've ordered a copy of "Aspergirls", and I was wondering if there were any other books folks could recommend.

Welcome to WP

There are some online tests you can try if you'd like to see if you may be on the spectrum. There's a thread in the General Autism Discussion forum - it provides links to a wide range of different scientific tests available online.