Coping

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My son was diagnosed with Asperger's a few years ago, and at the time, everyone pointed out the similarities in what they were saying about his behavior and my own behavior. However, I've known since I was a child that I was different -- I come from a family rife with alcoholism and bipolar disorders -- and had developed my own way of coping with things. My wife tried to convince me multiple times that my issues went deeper than what I believed and that my coping mechanisms weren't working within the framework of our marriage.

Since this felt like I was being told that the things that I had done to protect myself all of my life and the things that had largely allowed me to be a contributing member of society were wrong, I rejected it.

It turns out that was an inappropriate response to the situation -- although I didn't realize it -- and my wife is now in the process of divorcing me. Once I was told what was happening, I needed to try to find someway to process the information and ended up at the same therapist that has seen my son on occasion...at which point he confirmed that I had Asperger's Syndrome.

So, now I'm trying to deal with admitting to myself that my wife was right, acknowldging that I should've been more willing to look at myself sooner, a pending divorce and custody issues (which includes trying to guide our Aspie son through this), and trying to make sense of everything while also trying to take the acknowledgement of my own Austism Spectrum diagnosis and use that to do something positive within my own life.

Basically, if anyone has any advice about how to deal with being just completely overwhelmed by life, I would appreciate it. At this point, it feels like the floor has dropped out from under me and I can't stop falling no matter what I do.

Welcome to WP! You're among friends. You'll find a lot of survivors here. Many of us are survivors of abuse, substances, relationships gone wrong, trauma, terminations, and life itself. A lot of us are rejected by society, have been rejected by society, or just feel that way. That's what this forum is - for support.

Welcome to Wrong Planet Bmac! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. Try talking to your wife again. Tell her that you finally did see the psych doc about your own issues, and were diagnosed as Aspie. Ask her to write down the stuff about your traits that bothered her the most, so that you will know what you need to start working on. And it doesn't hurt to tell her that you love her, and still want to try to fix the marriage. If she goes for it, fine, but if not, you have to face the fact that she is no longer willing or able to be your partner. Just don't let this poison your child's life. Divorce is hard enough on kids, without the parents making war on one another, or even dragging the kids into the middle of their disputes.

Sorry you are going through this tough time, but remember, you are among friends here at WP!

P.S. Give her the link to WP and tell her to look in the General Autism forum, and I think there is one for couples/relationships, and there is one for parents, too here. If she gets informed about adult Autism spectrum disorders it may help in your dealings with her.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WP

Mick

When I was diagnosed, the doctor asked a couple of my friends to answer a long list of questions about me.

I asked them and the doctor to never, ever show me or discuss those answers.

Now that won't work 1:1 because you need to know what to work on; but the doctor could modify it to extract themes.

One thing I've learned about NTs: Give them annynomy and all the rules about politeness FLY away.