New NT with recently diagnosed husband

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Hi there - This is my second post in this forum. Then I only thought something was up with Hubby. Since then we have had a diagnosis of AS.

I must tell you all it has been a weight lifted off my shoulders but has also been an information overload.

Going through the past 10 years with my husband thinking he was just a lazy so and so and could only think of himself but then on the other hand someone who could write me and email or letter that would melt my heart. My whole family see him as arrogrant and self centred thus putting a lot of stress on our relationship as I am a very family orientated person.

We have spent many years of Hubby running away for a week or so and then calling me to come and get him. This also has caused not only my family but his as well to form very bad opinions of him.

I have already read the book alone together and found it very interesting. After everything I have read AS fits him like a glove although in certain situations I guess over the years he has learned to cope.

He fears it is to much to ask of me to put up with him as if I had known when we had got together he thinks I would not of pursued the relationship. Honestly that statment really upset me as I see it as we finally have an answer as to why our relationship has been in such turmoil.

To me understanding and communication are the key.

Hi WorriedWife! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. Sorry your marriage has been so troubled. Hope what you learn here helps. You are among friends here at WP!

Welcome from me as well: I hope you find this site informative and encouraging! I was only diagnosed three years ago, after being married for more than 20 years. A year later my wife was diagnosed as well, but don't worry, she didn't 'catch' it from me!

This is the Vicar speaking.... (yes honestly!)
... I often have to warn even couples who have lived together for years that there will be things they will only discover about one another after they get married! So a later diagnosis of AS shouldn't of itself cause one to say if only I had known..., except maybe in the limited sense of recognising moments and events along the way that might have been handled differently or better. He is still the same person he was before diagnosis!

The diagnosis of AS can be a bit of a shock, but once the shock dies down AS can be an explanation (but never an excuse!) for behaviours that we might otherwise attribute to incompatibility or even to mental illness.
(sermon over for today)

Welcome to WP!

Hi WorriedWife

My situation sounds a bit similar to yours - my relationship with my Aspie husband has had its ups and downs, with my family members often finding aspects of his behaviour confronting, and difficult to understand. I must confess I do, too (he can also be arrogant and self-centred one day, and heart-meltingly sweet the next) - but the more I read (books and forums) the more sense I am starting to make of things. I do a lot of lurking on this forum rather than posting, but it's a great way to learn more about AS, to try to help me better understand my husband. I hope you find it similarly helpful.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey and welcome
I'm sure you will find some good advice or at least a ear that will listen to you