Parents of adult Aspergers

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Hi. I'm not only new to this site but new to forums, so please excuse any mistakes I make but do tell me about them so I don't continue to make them. I have an adult son who has been diagnosed with mental health problems for 13 years but this summer he finally had an assessment and was diagnosed with Aspergers. I'd really like to talk to any other parents of adult Aspergers or to anyone who has been diagnosed in their late 20s. The main problem he has is.... what now? We live in Aberdeenshire in Scotland and I will be attending a parents support group next week. My son only leaves the house to walk his dogs. My son thinks there is no coming back from this. That at 29 and with 13 years out of the world there is no way for him to pick up the threads and have a life. I would love to hear from someone who had similar problems and got through it.
Thanks for reading this anyway.

Hi and welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. This may be the Wrong Planet but its the right place!

Hi, in my late 30s, early forties, I became aware that there was such a thing as Asperger's Syndrome and thought it was pretty neat. Not until age 43 did I become pretty convinced that I myself am on the spectrum.

Jobs are a problem and in a way, your son is factually correct to be concerned. Also socially, if you're living at home, a person may be treated as "weird" or not fully as an equal with age peers.

If my parents had understood that a person cannot simply will himself a job (and 8% unemployment is a big deal, or even 5%), that would have helped. In addition, for those of us on the spectrum, there's almost an inverse relationship between "easy" jobs and "hard" jobs. Entry level jobs are among the worse, disengaged managers who blame outcome and aren't really interested in the nuts and bolts of the work. Co-workers who can engaged in bullying out of boredom and who seek out differences.

I worked as a tax preparer for H&R Block. And I did try and do it ethically, matter-of-factly telling my clients the main negatives of the bank and loan products as if I was required to by the company. And the fact that I tried to do it ethically made it such a richer experience and I felt I was doing some good. Block and this other place, I was fired one year out of four, but that means 3 years out of 4, I wasn't fired and I will take those odds.

And we're moving into a world where more people understand Asperger's-Autism Spectrum and that makes a big difference. Almost like nerds are more popular, and people might claim to be a nerd even when they're not. Now, when people claim to have a "touch of Asperger's," I'm going to say that's more positive than negative. And perhaps part of the public dialogue we need to have.

Maybe your son is struggling with concurrent depression, too? (just that first anti-depressant may not work and it's trial and error in respectful sense. and sometimes important to step down from such medication in phases)

The good news is, your son might face a more open world than I have faced so far.

And I guess give your son considerable realms of privacy. It is hard living at home. That combined I guess with joint activities or projects.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks for the Welcomes! I've been reading posts here for a while now and found it really useful. Thanks for you reply too AardvarkGoodSwimmer. I am sure you are right and it isn't as hard for Aspies as it was - but think it still has a long way to go.

My son wants to be a contributing member of society. I just want him not to be so unhappy that death is an appealing option.

If I make a social foray, it's normal for me to have a couple of days of downtime. Even if it's positive and in a way that's a strength because I guess as a person on the spectrum, a positive social interaction lasts longer for me.

If I put myself out there and am treated shabbily, that's a blow. That can take me a couple of weeks to get over (emotionally process) sometimes more.

For your son, I'd still stay open to the possibility of concurrent depression, just because of the baseline that depression is relatively common. And again, the first anti-depressant may not be the one which works.