First, I'd like to introduce myself.
For now, My name is Jack. I'm a medic in the United States Army. I'm 21 years old and I'm stationed in Fort Drum, New York. My hometown is Laredo, Texas and ever since I can remember, I've been more unusual than the other person next to me. I find it hard to interact with people (particularly women) and making friends and getting a date is very hard for me to do. I write like an editor but normally I fumble and stutter my sentences and I find it hard to speak to authoritative figures like my Sergeants and I panic under pressure, ridicule, and large crowds and I don't handle failure all that great. My parents told me a couple of times growing up that I'm a brilliant kid but I have anti-social tendencies. After putting pieces together and doing extensive research and grabbing opinions from family members and medical professionals alike, its safe to say that I have Asperger Syndrome.
Someone once told me that life was a game and all you had to do is avoid failure. Well, it seems that for most of my life all I've done is that very thing, failed several times, and rarely succeeded and only barely kept my head above the water most of the time. This world doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand many human interactions and this has had a dramatic negative effect on my life. It's hard to hide my emotions whether I look confused, angry, sad or happy. I'm often called out for it and in my awkward responses explaining my rationale (when I can get the words out) people look at me like I'm from another planet. Its hard for me to absorb information and I forget things easily. The only thing I have to my name is my position as a soldier (which is relatively well respected) and that I'm reasonably good looking. Becoming a soldier was a tremendous success for me, but among my fellow soldiers I am seen as an awkward outcast and basically "That guy you just don't bother bringing out for drinks at the pub because he radiates weirdness".
And yet, here I am, spilling my guts out to random strangers.
I admire you people's courage for broadcasting yourselves like you have. Its something I could never pull off, not only because I would make a fool of myself in the process, but I've never been able to put my feelings about my "problem" into words until you spoke them for me. I've never met or seen anyone with the relatively same issues I have, so needless to say, I don't feel very alone anymore.
I'd like to hear more from this community and I'll continue browsing. Perhaps I can possibly snare some insight from you people on how to make my situation a little better. So far, I have found none from anyone else.
Sincerely and with admiration,
Private Jack, United States Army
10 Jul 2012, 8:21 pm
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