I don't know, but here I am.

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Hi... In some quick brwsing this seems like a nice place to hang out.

I heard a member at church recently tell us about himself, and he mentioned some of his Aspergers traits. I found myself realizing that many of his traits fit me. I then did some reading and took an online test. I scored 36 and anything above 32 is supposed to indicate the presence of aspergers traits.

I have been in counseling for depression and when I mentioned this to my counselor, he said that he has had aspergers patients, and in thinking about it he does see some traits in me.

So I searched for local professionals with experience and have an appointment.

However, and I am probably over-thinking this, I am 55 years old, and have years of experience pretending to be normal. In fact, at least one friend is irritated that I am such a chameleon. I find myself not really knowing who I am, and I want to be genuine for the doctor, but I am not sure if the real me even exists... I fear equally that I will be too "normal" because of my defense mechanisms, or too "aspie" because a diagnosis would explain so much.

I have an iq that has enabled me to be a success in work life, even though my traits get in the way of the success I would like to have. My work life is like my school life, where nearly every teacher commented that I was not working up to my potential on my report cards.

I could well be fooling myself more than anyone else with my actions, but does anyone have a suggestion on how to be genuine during the diagnostic sessions? Even on the online analysis, I found myself having to decide on questions whether I should answer the way I feel, or the way I have learned to view things to be more normal.

Hello LD,
If you are going to to get an in-depth neropsych testing done that will have a variety of questions within the testing that will compensate for any manipulation attempted by the test subject, so you won't have to worry about a out thinking yourself or the testing. Just go and be honest with each question no matter how you view it at that moment.

That sounds good. Maybe I'll learn more about the real me in the process.

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet.

That feeling of not knowing who you are seems to be quite common - I've certainly felt that way. I'm still not too sure what is my personality and what is my 'act'. The only way I can describe it is that it is like being in Witness Protection - I'm playing the part of me, but there is a lot I am hiding and I have become so accustomed to doing this that I can barely remember the person I really am.

I hope you find some answers here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WP

Mick