I have Aspergers and I don't know what to do.

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Hi
I'm nearly 25 and have been struggling with "something" for most of my life.
A month ago I found a video on YouTube about Aspergers and pretty much went "s**t. That's me"
I went to see a Doctor after a week of procrastination, I wasn't sure what I really wanted them to say when I went.
They said It was pretty clear I did have it, but that there wasn't much to do about it as my insurance would more then likely
not even pay for further testing and even if it did, there aren't many programs to help adults.
I spent the rest of the day sort of indifferent, not knowing how to feel about it.
I finally know why I am how I am, but I also know its not going to change now.

I've mostly been putting it to the back of my mind and not thinking about it much, don't want to face it.
Though it pops back into my head every now and then.
I haven't done much of anything in the 3 weeks since I talked to the doctor.
Just locked myself in my apartment, leaving when I have to buy food or help my mom with stuff.
While I don't normally do much, I have gone to pretty much nothing unless I'm forced to.

To make things even worse I'm afraid if I do talk about it I'll get put in a hospital or something.
When I'm in a slump I'm only just barely self sufficient.
I would lose it if that happened.


I've completely broke down today.
I don't have any friends.
I don't trust doctors enough to talk to them about it.
My moms husband died last year and she's still to busy with that to really help so I can't talk to her about it either.
It only goes as far as "So what kind of pills can you take"
I greatly dislike medication in general, but my mom thinks there's a pill to fix anything, its always been her solution.

I have no one to talk to and I don't know what to do.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

First off, don't worry yourself sick over it, Asperger's isn't the end of the world! It just means you're neurologically diverse. Since Asperger's is classified as an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), you're part of a group of people who have been developing with this their entire lives (hence the term "developmental disorder").

Having a diagnosis isn't necessary when you're already an adult as far as I can tell, because there isn't really anything out there to help adults cope with Asperger's. You could look up a local Asperger's/Autism support group and attend that every now and then if you think that will help.

You can ask any question you want on this site as long as it's in the proper forum. Oh, and feel free to rant on here when you're having problems and you need to vent. We all do it.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you enjoy this site as much as I do.

well having Aspergers/Autism is not a death sentence.

You could join a social skills group, church group, or hobby group to learn how to socialize better.
There really is no point in getting a formal diagnosis unless you plan on getting SSI or something. You are healthy and you are able to get a job and etc. So honestly pull yourself together and start figuring out your problems and how to work around them.

This is just another problem that you need to learn to work around. Frankly it helps to get out and do the things you enjoy.

Unless you need meds there's no point in getting on them. Are you depressed or anxious? Then you might consider it or if you needed it for other things.

You could eat properly, make sure you get enough sleep, and exercise. If celiacs/food allergies run in your family you might think about a special diet. Some it helps and some it just runs up their grocery bill.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You aren't alone.

The doctor said the same thing as you "nothing to help adults, to late to do anything"

As for social groups, I'm not horrible at socializing, a little awkward. The problem is I just don't want to socialize.
I don't like being around people, especially groups, so I don't meet people. But I'm lonely at the same time. What a wonderful conundrum.
The few times I do have friends...online, I don't have friends offline, I generally lose them because I make them mad even though I'm trying not to.
I always seem to say the wrong thing no matter how hard I try..
Everyone's always mad at me about something.

There aren't any help groups around, closest one would be in the cities..which is 3 hours away.
I can't even afford gas to go into the city closest to me, 30-40 minutes away more then once or twice a month.

I can't hold a job, I just get overloaded and shut down, also insomnia so I'm late a lot in morning jobs even though I really try.
So when I can keep at it long enough I just get fired anyways.
I just gave up trying to keep a job a few years ago.
I'm already getting Social Security and SSI, a whopping sum of $700 a month, hardly enough for me to live on.
Wouldn't be enough if I didn't live in income based housing.

Of course I'm depressed and anxious.
I'm a 25 year old man who's never had a girlfriend, rarely has friends period let alone that aren't online, lives in a crap town with nothing to do and is broke.
Who wouldn't be?

Honestly been spending most of my life trying to at least look normal and failing.
My mom passing me off to my father when she couldn't handle 2 kids..but mostly me.
Fought with my brother a lot, had outbursts "now I know why" and so everyone was always mad at me about that.
Then him throwing me back to her when he can't handle having a kid anymore.
A new school every year didn't help me any.

I've spent my whole life trying to be normal and its run me down so much, and now I know I never had a chance.
No one has ever accepted me for me before, why would it be any different now?
Because "Oh he can't help it hes got aspergers" Why would I want that?

I know its not a death sentence, but I've spent my whole life trying to be normal and being punished for not being normal.
Just don't know what to do. Completely broke down and spent half an hour sitting in my car crying this afternoon.

Sorry about being blunt, but you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not. (Actually, no one is ever really "normal.")

If trying to be "normal" is what's making you depressed and anxious, then stop trying to be normal, and start being you. I know, it isn't an easy transition, but it's a suggestion I'm going to make because I know it works.

What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? Find people who relate to you! You're more likely going to keep friends if you're all interested in something similar. You may even grow to like someone for what they like.

Find a job you enjoy, and tell your boss that you suspect you're on the Autism spectrum, but can't afford a diagnosis. They could probably work out a special schedule for you if they're willing to work with you, or give you a late shift because that's when you're really up and about. No getting up early in the morning, and no being late to work!

Don't give up when you're so young, please!

Well you could try melatonin for the sleep issues...........I have sleep issues too and unless I take something most nights I'm up for the duration.
That's what I take and although life still sucks b/c I have no job, few friends, and can't socialize very well despite wanting to at times it was worse when I didn't know. You have a better chance at SSI with a diagnosis.

There are universities that do them for free or they pay you to do them. It's a good deal for you and them. I'd find one of those studies and get in on it if I were you.

You don't need a diagnosis of ASD to get antidepressants. Just go to the doctor and tell them you have anxiety/depression. Alternatively there are things like GABA, 5HTP, L-Theanine, and Magnessium that help and are natural.

Makayla
I don't mean any offense but at 16 you probably don't understand how hard it is to find a job under the best circumstances.
Let alone if you with no support or diagnosis tell them you need special treatment.
Even doctors haven't been able to figure out whats wrong with me most of my life, why would some guy who knows nothing about it just take my word?
On top of all of it I live in a small town with few jobs, nor can I afford the gas to get the nearest city.
I would need 2 hours just to pay for the gas to and from work every day give or take a few $.

To be blunt right back, that's like telling a gay kid who gets bullied, beat up and talked down to by his parents to not try being strait.


Kate
I think I tried that once, the problem for me though is usually 1 of 2 things."on top of just seeming to be naturally a night person."
I'm obsessed with something on the internet and the next time I look at the clock its morning.
Or
My mind just wont stop going.
I think...weird like listening to 5+ conversations at once with no need to stop and breath.
Sometimes I just can't shut it off and its like trying to sleep in a room full of people and no earplugs.
I don't hear voices its just my own cluttered thoughts.

I already have SSI, only $200something though because I also get Social Security which is $400 something, they equal out to a little less then $700.
Don't remember what it was for, some kind of fancy depression, I just went with it because I'm rather keen on eating food and not living on the street and no one knew what the hell was actually wrong with me.
I don't think getting a diagnoses of Aspergers instead of depression would change the amount though.

My mom keeps telling me I should be happy with that because some people live on less..... My only thought is "Yah, homeless people"
I pay my rent, and my car insurance, and my internet, $20-$40 in gas, food and then its mostly gone.
I have enough extra to get a burger or a sub once or twice, or a video game on sale maybe both if its a cheap game but only just.
Unless I need toiletries or stuff for my car. Then I get them instead...yah

I'm looking into some food stamps and local cash assistance, which would give me another $180. So I might be able to save up $100-$150 a month to do something fun once in a while, that will be nice.


I've been on antidepressants before and they just made me feel weird, I'm honestly not depressed when my life is going ok.
So I'm in no real hurry to get on them just so I can feel that my crappy life isn't so crappy..because I'll still know it is.

True, but I am old enough to get a job, and I have been trying to find one for months now.



Okay, you've got me there. You could inform them of your SSI and how much you're getting from that.



This would be a good opportunity to teach someone who doesn't know about Autism how common it really is.



Same here. Ever heard of Scappoose, Oregon? No, I didn't think so.



I'd still tell a gay kid to not act straight. If he can't love himself for who he is, I will try my best to show him that I at least accept him for who he is, and give him support when he needs it.

Don't think for a minute that I'm offended by what you say. I can handle it, and I'm just trying to put my input in and make light of the situation. Of course, I don't know you at all, but please understand that I'm not trying to force you to think in a different way. (I know I can come across that way, and I apologize if I did.)

Then you do know a little bit.
It doesn't get any easier, especially when your older, have a bad record with past jobs or large periods of joblessness and no references.

It is probably easier for you to accept being younger. Possibly with more support as well.
My dad is not in my life"mostly by choice" he's a bastard, and I don't mean he doesn't have a father.
My mom pretends to be supportive, she even works with mentally disabled people.
But when she gets home she doesn't want anything to do with them, its a job.
So even though she pretends its ok, I can tell in the back of her mind shes just tired of dealing with me most of the time.
She thinks a pill fixes anything and if it doesn't she passes the problem on to someone else.

So yah.
Honestly my brothers been the only person I can talk to about it, unfortunately hes in the crappiest rehab on the planet, and only allows people to see him for an hour and 45 minutes once every sunday and my moms there to so yah not much talking about it.
Every time I learn more about the place it makes me angrier.
Won't even let him leave on his birthday and constantly threatens to discharge him when he shows the slightest sign of not playing along.
He goes to jail if he gets discharged.
My mom is of course passing all responsibility on to them because she doesn't know what to do.
It's not going over well with me obviously since I would honestly probably kill someone to get out of a place like that.
That's not entirely here nor there though.

I went through most of my life denying that I had AS because I didn't want to be in special ed. [I still don't want to be in special ed, and if anyone ever told me I had to be I'd probably be back in the psych ward for trying to kill myself. {And in a really weird way, but that's another story for another day.}] By the way, psych wards are just like special ed rooms.

I wouldn't bother with social workers anyways; in my experience they either don't really care or they do care but they're horrible at providing anything other than plastic sympathy. And they tell you to be open about it, which is bad if you want to hold down a job.

Well, you could always write a book. People will actually read books about people with autism and asperger's just because the author has autism or asperger's.

I wouldn't take medication for it, just because it's not something that needs to be medicated. Most of the medication is really just a sedative anyways, and if you want that I recommend 200 milligrams of melatonin, cause that'll knock you out in about twenty minutes and you don't need a prescription.

Can you call your brother instead of talking in person?

There's always wrongplanet. And if it helps... http://youtu.be/TGlURmUBJdY

Suicide has never been a problem for me, contrary to my mothers opinion.

I don't generally bother with social workers and as I've said previously I can't hold a job anyway, but ending up in a hospital or home or some crap is a worry for me.

Again, not big on medication.

No, I can't call him.
He gets 1 10 minute call at 9pm on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday only.
Then he is allowed to visit for 1 hour 45 minutes EXACTLY every Sunday.
The place is worse then a jail.
Can't bring food or drinks in for him but you sure can bring cigarettes, he cant have a game system of any kind, he's not allowed on the internet, they won't even admit he is there even if you know, let alone let you leave a message for him unless he has signed a release form for that specific person.


Top it off he now smokes cigarettes, 4 packs a week, that's more then half a pack a day.

Our father nearly died from smoking, he ate through a tube for a year, has no spit glands and they had to remove all his teeth and part of his jaw.
He now has to drink something anytime he eats anything solid or he can't swallow.
My moms 2nd husband on the other hand, whom my brother was living with and was at least becoming a step father to him DID die because of cigarettes.
A slow, painful, humiliating death.

Anyone see any reason my brother would ever touch a cigarette?

They do nothing about it and when I mention it, I'm not even kidding, they say "smoking cigarettes wont get you in jail"
My mom is even ok with it. She's the one buying them for him.
She's convinced that "when he's out he'll quit. I don't see him being a life time smoker"
Yah because someone who smokes half a pack + a day can quit so easily.


The place is a farce that fails to even do its most basic job of helping addicts and gets payed 8400 a month to hold people prisoner and try and break them.

I know, lots of places are like that. They sent my little brother to a specialized school for kids with autism and he's actually backtracked in speech ability [he won't even use his talker anymore].

I'm not sure what you can do about your brother. Maybe contact his lawyer and try to get him transferred somewhere else?

Well, welcome to Wrongplanet, for what it's worth.

I can't understand how places get away with crap like that.
I found out today that they had been actively disallowing him his phone calls as well when he wasn't cooperating.

My brother doesn't have a lawyer, though it doesn't matter anymore as he left/was allowed to leave this afternoon.
Apparently even after this place would finally let him out he was going to be forced into a halfway house that would have early curfews, locked doors and would only allow him to go places on weekends.

So he's decided to just do his jail time and be rid of it all.
Hopefully it works out ok, who knows.

I just realized I hadn't thanked you three for the welcoming, so sorry and Thanks.
Can't say if I'll post here all to much, I have a tendency of disappearing from forums and such.

Hi Mike. Welcome to WP. What the doctor said is pretty accurate. There arent many programs to help adults with AS. But probably the best help would be understanding your dx and trying to learn from other people with the same dx. Registering to wrongplanet was a big step in the right direction. There is also a lot of material on-line you can read that will help you understand Aspergers. My daughter has AS and she is not on medication. She has a therapist, but mostly what the therapist does is helping my daughter to change the things that make her socially inadequate. My husband was never diagnosed and he did the same by himself. He is not a social butterfly, but he can function. So I think there are lots of possibilities for you. Just remember: one step at the time.

Seriously, you guys are really depressing me. I think it's a good thing I didn't know about this when I was younger.

Welkome to WP

Mick