Greetings,
I just turned 21 last month and I was diagnosed with Aspergers about 4 years ago just before my 17th birthday despite having seen other Mental Health Professionals for several year before, but I guess being a high functioing female (and working hard to appear normal) is what made it take so long to get a diagnosis- I don't exactly fit the stereotype In addition to the AS, I am also a Type 1 Diabetic, and we think I may also have Fibromyalgia. Plus after years of being forced into a stressful situation because of teachers, family, psychologist(s) and psychiatrist(s) who didn't understand (and still don't to be honest) I also suffer from PTSD and Agoraphobia among other mental health diagnosis.
I've had to fight for the few services and accommodations I have received (virtually on my own) and I'm burnt out. Once my parents realized I wasn’t faking the panic attacks, the shut downs, and exhaustion (all the typical symptoms of dealing with sensory overload and not being able to cope etc.) they've tried to help, they took me to somewhere around 10 doctors trying to find out what was wrong, trying to 'fix' me (generally pills), but they are dealing with their own issues and things got too expensive, time consuming, or complicated for my parents to deal with- they can barely deal with their own stuff. I know I’m supposed to try harder and I let them down but they usually don’t blame me or get angry when I can’t cope or have an Aspie moment.
My mom was in a car accident and has short term memory loss and nerve damage. My dad is also a diabetic with a new kidney and has recently had his right leg amputated so my mom who can barely take care of herself is taking care of the 3 of us- two autistic kids and an invalid who displays definite AS tendencies. Plus my grandmother who use to pick up the slack for my mom, my family and I (She was also the only person could actually help me cope and unlike my parents she never judged.), had several strokes so now my mom and her brother (who may just have Aspergers himself) are now looking after her, while my mom now also has to look after her brother as well.It's pretty much survival of the fittest at our house and unless you’re a bulldog when it comes to getting what you want, then you go without- I generally go without.
I have been very fortunate that my family owns three horses which we board about a half hour from where we live- One is the family horse, one is my personal horse that is still too young to ride, and the last was bought for my sister. Horses and Riding really are beneficial in a therapeutic capacity and I would one day love to make a career out of it (poss. rec. therapy or sports psych. and Equine Assisted Therapy) but I haven't seen my horse in over a month because my mom is busy, hates driving, and isn’t good with schedules (I’m not much better and I really hate being a burden) so while I'm not really a social person I figured I'm probably closer to people hundreds and thousands of miles away than I am to my own family- at least on here there is a chance that someone will understand my struggle.
I know I'm in a bit of a dark place but I am very grateful for the few joys I have in my life and hope I can add this place to the list!! ! (hopefully I didn't ramble on to much- please forgive me if I did)