Hello,
I am a 46 year old female. I believe that I meet the criteria for aspergers syndrome. On my profile, I entered that "I am not sure if I have it or not". I chose this option as I cannot make the claim that I am undiagnosed even though I believe that this is the case. I have an appointment next week to begin an assessment.
I am nervous and a bit torn. "Wrong Planet" so succinctly describes my identity and life experience. I am afraid that I will not fit in anywhere - meaning somewhere like 'here' where (potentially) people will understand me - but without/denied answers, can I claim to belong? Regarding my appointment, I am afraid of the condescending little laugh and reassurance that "we are all different". I am afraid that I will not be listened to. I am afraid that once I am in the office I will be mute, acquiescent, and leave both frustrated and disappointed - and depressed. I am afraid that I will not have a second chance to attempt to explain myself if this does happen.
I am not on a mission to change myself - I'm old enough to be very tired of that effort. I suppose I seek validation ... acceptance. Possibly most importantly: self-acceptance and self-understanding. I would also like to help family members - some 'next generationers' - another story. In one sense, it has been such a relief to look at literature on Tony Atwood's site about the experience of females with aspergers - and as I read through some other literature, I could feel waves and waves of 'Yes!' But - until next week ... and if ... and how long ... I am suspended in nervous anticipation.
Thank you to anyone who reads this post. Thank you for a place to 'speak'. I will read through the site and see if I can find advice on preparing for an appointment, and I would also be grateful if anyone has the time to share advice and experience. Otherwise, thank you for providing a touch stone.
* Regarding my appointment: I do have a few copies of report cards that I believe are supportive. I was labelled: gifted (though I failed as soon as I hit a large high school - bullying, etc). Year after year, there are notes about my daydreaming and my terrible handwriting - my grip and stiff arm were never corrected. I was also noted as a 'deep thinker' who both loves and has a warehouse of 'general knowledge' Would a sample of these details from report cards be useful or would they waste precious time in an appointment? I realize that no 'one thing' will make a diagnosis. I also realize people are different with or without a diagnosis - I am not trying to lean on a stereotype but rather present concrete examples. At 46, I feel it would be beneficial to have something concrete to both corroborate with and validate my memory claims - I feel it it would be stronger than mere anecdote. I see this as a small piece that seems to fit in context with a larger, more complicated puzzle. I am wondering, is it wise just to have them along? Has anyone else used such examples in appointments for adult screening?
I did have screening fairly recently for ADD - and I fell on the 50/50 line. I will bring that assessment along as it has not yet been evaluated due to the ambiguous score. I scored particularly high on impulsiveness. I was screened at the university upon my request.
Many thanks and best to all, Logicalmom
08 Aug 2012, 10:49 am
