I'm 24 year old grad student at ESO (European Organisation for Astronomical Research in the Southern Hemisphere) in Garching (Germany). I have no real friends and no girlfriend as well (I've tried several times, but everytime it lead to disaster). I come from Slovakia; however, I was living in Czech Republic for one year and now I'm living in Germany.
I knew that I'm different since beginning, but I didn't complaint about it. I was proud of it. I was getting the best grades in elementary school with no effort and I became a teachers' pet soon. I was simply ignoring my classmates teasing me about my oddity. I thought they were just jealous. This "Asperger's paradise" ended after age of 14. I didn't want to change anything, but I was unable to fight against nature. I was totally failing in any social interaction and that was really horrible experience for teenager. I put a lot of my effort into copying behavior of my classmates and after two years of systematic training, I was able to fit to the environment in most of the common cases. However, I was becoming completely lost during discussion out of my field of interest, thus it was still very easy to give people around me a reason to tease me.
During the last year of high school, the horrible play of hormons in my body ended and I realized that I have to go to university. Unlike my classmates, I succeeded. They didn't try to tease me anymore. After I started at the university as undergrad student, it was a paradise again. However, I becomed overwhelmed soon, as far as I was unable to filter incoming information in my brain and I terribly failed the first exams. Fortunatelly, I met a person, who learned me how to exploit my potential and showed me the system in chaos. The real reason why he wasted his time with me was my catchy enthusiasm. I was giving him fresh ideas and the other point of view. I started to live non-social life again, among group of people with the same scientific interest. Of course, I noticed that they are capable of social interaction despite of their "odd" interest and they figured out that I am lacking such abilities. I was getting deeper inside my research topic and I did't share the same interest with my colleges anymore.
After two years of systematic research work in the "cage", I found out that I even forgot to simulate social behavior, contrary to my colleges working in the same conditions. Becoming a grad student, I tried to put a lot of effort into social training again and I met an incredible girl, who gave me the new life for couple of months, but it ended right after she realized that she became just a victim of illusion. I also found out that I didn't really enjoy the relationship, just because it was too exhausting for me.
Yesterday, I accidentally found a site on Asperger Syndrome. Surprisingly, I've never heard about it before. Right after I read a couple of paragraphs, I figured out the source of my problems. I have it, no doubt. Every symptom exactly matches. This discovery completely changed my life. Before, I thought that I'm unique, just a mistake of nature. I thought that nobody can really understand my mind and I'm doomed to live pretending I'm somebody else. Now I see that there are many of us. Thank you for your existence.
Last edited by chimpy on 28 Nov 2006, 9:29 am, edited 2 times in total.
28 Nov 2006, 8:53 am
hi~welcome home sweetie.
:D:D
