Hi, new and already asking for an "evaluation" ;-)

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I'm very much interested in autism spectrum disorders, especially Asperger's syndrome and have been learning about them for quite a long time now already. Partly my interest for autism I'm sure stems from the fact that I myself don't feel neurotypical at all. Maybe (although I know the post is terribly long as usually in such cases) you could give me your idea about if I could be somewhere on the spectrum or if I just have a somewhat unusual character? It would be greatly appreciated.
Now "a little" about myself

As baby and toddler I was....

x A very good and quiet baby
x Never asking for much attention or entertainment, happy just observing, sometimes appearing quite aloof
x Until 3 years of age I was only speaking very few words, talking no gibberish (I mean this kind of talking toddlers often do which usually nobody understands except for the mother), then at 3 years speaking at full and well understandable sentences.
x sometimes I had a strange eye-gaze (for a baby appearing unusually serious and as if thinking deeply)
x "different from day one" (according to my mom)

As kid...

x I was unaffected by peer pressure. Not that I didn't follow any trends at all, but only few and then only because I liked the things, not because I wanted to belong to some group. Never in my life I would have got the idea of watching a tv series I find totally stupid for example or listening to some band I dislike just because everybody else did so and in order to be more accepted.
x During elementary school I had only two, yet very good friends. However, both friendships were set up by our parents, so I'd say I have the ability to keep friends, yet I don't know how to make them
x I've always been very sensitive to criticism and failure
x When teased I always felt attacked, I couldn't tell when people were just kidding or really wanted to insult me. This has improved somewhat with age though. Generally I was and still am often in danger of taking this too literally.
x I had very low frustration tolerance regarding my own achievments and was very impatient with myself when learning something new
x Usually when I tried something and failed or when I made a mistake or had arguments with my parents and so on, I'd quickly burst out into tears. No matter how often I was told that I "shouldn't cry about every little thing" I just couldn't help it.
x Often I appeared to be more sensible than most other children in the eyes of adults, therefore also often was the teacher's pet
x Everybody was always commenting on my odd gait when running (also when just walking I was told that I "walk funny"). In P.E. I failed everything miserably from class one, as I neither had the motor skills for it nor the coordination and motivation. Apart from that I was afraid of everything, especially afraid of the ball (I absolutely dreaded dodgeball). And I have slower reaction time.
x At school I was extremely bad at math and the natural sciences (except for biology), yet very good at learning foreign languages, was able to read fluently before I started school and was often praised by teachers for being able to articulate myself well (both orally and in essays).
x While in primary school I was still relatively popular, I immediately fell down rapidly some steps on the popularity ladder at high school, belonged to those people who get teased and made fun of by the alpha animal of the class or (by other people, such as so called "friends") got made fun of behind my back. Eventually then I found out that there were other people who didn't fit in and who were usually much more fun and interesting to spend time with anyway.

Today or until today...

x I dislike loud noises, it's not like I have to put my hands over my ears and run out of the room screaming, but whenever the vaccum cleaner, mixer or whatever is turned on near me, I'll prefer to escape from the room as quickly as possible and shut the door behind me. Not to speak of really loud places like discos, where with the many people, noise and constantly flickering light I don't get anyway how people can stand it for more than a few minutes.
x I'm afraid of new situations, much more so than my peers (or afraid of situations which peers would not be afraid of at all, especially not at the same age).
x Anxious when calling people (except for near relatives etc.), especially nervous when calling strangers, have to prepare mentally for that first (i.e. rehearse what I'm going to say in my mind first).
x Getting lost and disoriented terribly easily, even inside school or bigger stores, I also have almost no ability to remember new ways (only after I've walked them several times within a short period of time). I know all women are supposed to have a bad sense of direction, but this is definitely worse than the usual
x Often have a feeling of not fitting in, being different, socially awkward and not being able to relate well to people.
x Don't know what to say when it comes to small talk, especially in groups I usually don't know what to say, then either just quietly observe or drift away mentally. It's not like I don't like spending time with people, but I prefer talking to one or two people and mostly I prefer to talk about something specific, to have a discussion about some particular topic for example or to interact by doing something together, like playing cards or cooking.
x I have difficulty making friends also because I don't "focus" on one or a group of particular persons enough. It keeps amazing me how people form their firm little groups and pairs already after about 2 weeks of knowing each other and then will stick together all the time.
x The problem with making friends I think is also that most people seem to want to talk all the time, even if there's nothing to say, so for example when you go shopping with them they have to give a comment on every second dress and trouser about if they find it nice or ugly, which I just don't see the point of and so probably am too quiet for most people
x I can look people into the eyes, but I don't exactly love it, especially because it can be distracting and confusing.


What I think speaks against Asperger's Syndrome

x As said, I'm really bad at math and natural sciences, I also have trouble with logical and mechanical thinking, all things which Aspies are supposed to excel at as I often hear.
x I'm neither rude nor blatantly honest
x I loved playing role games as a kid and had lots of ideas for them
x I loved and still love reading fictional literature
x I had a good imagination as a kid and enjoyed writing fictional stories

Hi risingphoenx. I think you might be an aspie. But only because I think I have Asperger's (not diagnosed) and I have most of the same traits. That's spot on with getting lost and disoriented. I really have no sense of direction and it's really embarassing. I don't think people with Asperger's/autism are better at math by nature; rather some of them have an intense interest in math and therefore excel. And if you think about it, math is really nothing more than a foreign language. Anyway, good luck with your analysis.

Hi kelroy77. Thanks for your reply. Yes, that's true, having no sense of direction often brings one into really embarrassing situations. And then constantly getting such "useful" advice by other people like "oh you'd just have to pay more attention on the surroundings when going somewhere"

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

Good luck with getting a diagnosis! You are certainly welcome here whether you have a diagnosis or not! We are a very welcome group of people here!

I hope you enjoy posting!

Welcome to WP ! ! You'll fit right in. We don't attach a lot of weight to "official Dx" here. We're a community of people who are "different".

thanks for the welcome, this really seems like a nice place : - )

You're welcome!

Welcome to WP!

Tim