New member wondering if she's Asperger or hypochondriac

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Hi! I'm new to this community. I'm in my late thirties, mostly a musician, with a variety of other strong interests : reading, writing poetry, meddling in politics (out of idealism), looking endlessly at the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the insects buzzing around (some call it meditating I think...), reading and researching on all kinds of subjects... Right now, I'm reading and researching about Asperger syndrome because I think I might have it. I wrote a post about my interrogations here : http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt206572.html

I've ordered the book Aspergirls... I hope it will give me some insight. I did read what's available as a preview and it really really looks a lot like me... Also, the Aspie quizz I took gave me results like this : 156 Aspie, 44 NT, if that means anything...


So I'm full of ?????????????? and a little (if not a lot) upset. Not that it would change anything : I know myself. But it would really put many things in my life in a different perspective. I think I'll stick around here while I try to figure things out.

Other things about me : I have two kids, one teenage boy and a young girl, english is not my first language, and I don't know if I belong here, but I'm used to the feeling so it won't push me away.

And now that you've posted here, you can never leave. *evil laugh*
*awkward silence*

Heing? I admit that's a distinct possibility... I could very well spend too much time on a internet forum... Did it before...

I came back to add a bit of information, on my road to maybe self-diagnosing... The Baron-Cohen test gives me a score of 38... Hum!...

Now, vade retro internet, I'm going to bed.

Mr. Baron-Cohen gave me a... 44. It's a 44 out of 50 quiz. I took the one out of 200, I think, and I scored quite high (in the hundreds). Basically, both says I'm highly autistic. And I can't leave, Crystal? Well that's cool. I "met" one of my best "friends" on here. I like you guys!

Welcome, Domisoldo. Hope you're able to find what you're looking for. In my opinion, there is more than sufficient information available online and on sites such as this to make a good, informal, self-diagnosis (not at all disparaging formal, medical evaluations--just not for me at the moment).

As an aside, my father (who has AS, but doesn't really want to admit it or deal with it) claimed recently that my maternal grandfather was a hypochondriac. I believe my father has held this belief for some time. Unfortunately, my grandfather has passed, so I can't investigate my own current suspicions that he, in fact, might of had AS. My mother has AS as well--pretty damned sure of it. I always wrote it off as them living on a farm and just being "farm weird." Turns out there was probably more to it.

Anyway, welcome once more. I wish you the best of luck on your ongoing journey to/of self-discovery (even if that means you DON'T have AS).

Regards to all.

Thank you for the welcoming words. I don't know if I have AS or not, but I certainly don't feel too estranged here. Maybe that means something.

But then, I think we humans are all very much alike. I certainly have much more in common with another human being, whatever the differences we think there are, than I have with, ah... Let's say a butterfly. Or a dolphin.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Thank you

I'm on the same page as you Domisoldo I talked a psychologist recently though, that said comprehensive testing for Asperger's Syndrome is usually between 500 and 3000USD which really put a kink in my interest. Our test scores were very similar, too. I also wanted to compliment you on your English...I would have never guessed it wasn't your first language! Best of luck with your quest.

Thank you. As for my english, I'm happy you think it's good. I'm a bit of a maniac when it comes to language. When I write (in my own language), I want it to be perfect. Because I didn't learn english in a formal way, I fear that I may misuse some words or make mistakes I wouldn't be conscious of... So thanks for the compliment.

Hum! I've started to write down what makes me think I might be a fellow aspie... Sorry to inflict this on you, but I don't think I can make it short... Feel fee to read it... Or not. And comment if it resonates with you...


List of things that make me think I might be «mildly» aspie.

My older brother had a diagnosis of some sort in the autism spectrum as a kid. I only vaguely know about it because it’s a taboo in my family to the point it’s like it doesn’t exist. But with what I read about asperger and high functionning autism in the last few days, I’ve gone from «fairly sure about this» to «why did I ever doubt this?». Heredity is said to be a factor, I’m his sister, so...

Now, about me. This list will be about all the things that I think are peculiar about me. Some of the things I will list might not relate to asperger at all...

I have a knack for language. I learned to speak very early, and I’m told that, at age two, I was already speaking like a much older kid. I learned to read by myself before I even started school. There were a few books I could fake reading because I knew them by heart, one of the books being about the alphabet... I remember suddenly realizing that I could read. That the words on the page matched those I was saying. And that I could grab another book, a new one, and read it. I even remember where I was : sitting on the floor in the living room. I love writing. Started writing short stories very early, eventually switched to poems... I sooooo love writing that even writing a letter for something official, factual, because I need to, is pleasurable to me. I even like reviewing other people’s writings for mistakes to correct, which is fairly easy for me. Mistakes will just jump at my face, as if they were in fluorescent colors. And this even though I never was a very dedicated student and never really learned the rules, exceptions, studied syntax, grammar, orthograph... Things that are said to be difficult in my language. Later in life, as an adult, I learned other languages, not that many : one by immersion while I was in a foreign country, english watching television and reading novels... Others, I had a few classes... I don’t really speak them, just understand them enough for my purpose... But the learning part was always easy, and fast. I think it has to do with really good musical ear («making my ear» for a language, and catching the accent is easy), exceptionnal memory, not to sound pretentious, but it is what it is... And easily finding similarities with other languages I know... And noticing what’s different, and how... I’m not saying I master these perfectly. But, for example, if the point is to communicate, I think my english is good enough.

Books... From the minute I could read, I’ve been an obsessive reader. Went through the children section at the local library before age eight, then started reading novels, the first two being some Dickens, and Jane Eyre. Loved it. Went on with other novels, three to five a week, until adult age. I would wake up in the morning and immediately grab the book that was right beside my bed, and would do everything I needed to while reading. I remember walking while reading in my high school (speak about peculiar «sigh!»). Found it funny, the way I would make my way without really watching where I was going, using my peripheral sight as a radar. Hum!... I would secretly read at night, the only light being moonlight, or the light coming from the crack under the door... Hum! Obsessive behaviour? Also, one of my thoughts back then, was that reading fiction allowed me to «experience» the world through the author’s eyes, to get to know places, and things, and feelings, and relationships that otherwise were out of my grab. Like a rehearsal for real life until I could experience it first hand. Makes me think that, to this day, I sometimes find myself starting to think, and act, like a character of the novel I’m currently reading. Better be careful what I choose to read.

Hum! Language. One last thing worth mentioning is that, as a child, I spoke in a way that could be consistent with the «overformal speech» I read about... I always thought it was because, having few social interactions and reading all the time, I caught my accent and my vocabulary from my books, not from my peers. Kids would make fun of me, saying I had a foreign accent. What I realized eventually, as I overheard a conversation, is that they really really thought that was a foreign accent, that I came from elsewhere... Aw.

Few social interactions. I had friends. Or more exactly, I had serial mono-friendships. As a child, making a friend was like falling in love : it was an intense, one to one relationship. I’m still that way in fact, when I do make a friend. When in my teens, I would have a group of two or three friends. Is three a group? And later, as a young adult, studying, thinking here... Did I make friends? There were some persons with which I would get along fine. But the thing is, I sometimes become «friend» with the persons circumstances put around me. Sometimes I really like them, we have fun talking together about subjects of interest (politics, music, science, philosophy... not the shade of your lipstick)... But I don’t become attached. When circumstances shift, I will lose sight of them. There are persons I love, beside my family. A few persons I really really love for their intrisical qualities. I know they love me back. But we don’t see each other much. Because the circumstances that made me know them have shifted. It’s like floating leaves on a stream after they fell from the tree: we just drift farther and farther away... When all I’d have to do is call, organize something, a supper maybe... Am I lazy? Or careless? Keeping in touch is not easy. I hate phone calls. Facebook helps - nice innovation here... Also, I enjoy being alone. I had a lot of time for myself this summer. Quite enough time to take some to call and see some friend. I didn’t. I just happily enjoyed the solitude. In my usual activities, I’m with people all the time. I felt the need to be alone. It’s a trap. I know it. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up having no real friend at all. Right now, I have a bunch of colleagues I really appreciate, really like, really work well with. It’s been going on for five years. They’re like friends. But I know that when it ends -and it will, the nature of our work makes it so- I probably won’t see them anymore... That’s how it is.

Ah... Phone calls... I have a problem with phone calls. Now. It’s said. I never admitted it until now. But it’s true. Never enjoyed it. For me, the phone was the thing you used to organize a meeting with the person you wanted to speak to. Always hated speaking on the phone. Reminds me. When I was nine or ten years old, our class started writing letters to a class in another city. I was assigned to this girl... First thing I knew, after the first letter.... RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNG! She wanted to talk to me. She talked to me for an hour straight to my immense dismay. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I just told her flatly that I didn’t like talking on the phone, and what if we just went on writing instead? I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I probably did... Never heard of her again. I hate receiving phone calls. They are an unwanted, brutal intrusion in my bubble. I usually don’t answer them, or at least I filter them. To some (rare) persons, I will answer right away. The others just have to leave a message. I will (hopefully) return the call. When I’m ready. When I know what it’s about. When I’ve had enough time to think about what I’ll say. When I’m properly clothed. When my hair will be styled. My face washed. Once I’ve fed the cat. Once I’ve had my dinner. Once my desk is cleaned. I need a paper. And a pen. For notes. Just in case. Where are my glasses?... It is utterly RI-DI-CU-LUS. I know it.

Phone calls fill me with unjustified anxiety. Unjustified because I’m good. I mean. I have to make phone calls for professionnal reasons. While it feels like voluntarily putting my hand in boiling water, I’m good... I have a pleasant, warm, seducing tone of voice which I can modulate to my whim... People like talking to me on the phone. Other people will want me to be the one making the necessary phone calls because I’M SO GOOD AT IT. «sob!» Recently, before I started suspecting I might have aspergers, I told someone I didn’t really like talking on the phone (understatement) because the absence of body language makes me uneasy.... I’m not comfortable speaking to someone without seeing the person’s reactions to what I’m saying... It’s like flying blind.

Hum! I realize I have much to say. And the way it is going, this is not a list. It’s an autobiography.

I will post it anyway... And maybe go on later.

I did not finish reading that last post before I felt compelled to hit the reply button.

Firstly, your written (typed, I suppose) english is EXCELLENT - much better than the average english speaker can write.

Secondly... I have whatever you have! Heh, in all seriousness, I could only get so far before I had no choice but to reply. The reading, the speaking overly formally, the 'serial mono-friendships' - that's where I stopped, but as I read on I found myself agreeing more, and more, and more, and then...

OMG, phone calls! You seriously spent two paragraphs describing my relationship with phones. Down to a TEE. Well, except for the fact that I'm rarely properly clothed, my hair is rarely styled, my face gets washed in the shower, and my desk is NEVER clean. I do come up with the stupidest reasons in the whole world to put off on phone calls, because they make me so darned anxious.


Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there is a 28 year old woman in Florida who might as well be your kin. My heart ached at, "When all I’d have to do is call, organize something, a supper maybe... Am I lazy? Or careless?" because I have this exceptionally strong nostalgic longing for times and people gone by, and yet I am unable to seem to do what is needed to keep those who aren't too far gone. Regardless, I felt quite a connection with your words - thanks very much for posting.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And for my english, you're the third or fourth one to compliment me on it, so I'll stop mentioning it. It's the first time I write anything longer than an hotel reservation, so I had my worries.

So, nice to meet you. I often referred to myself as being "a strange bird", which is an expression used in my language to speak about a weird person. So, knowing I'm not the only "strange bird" on board is comforting.

I've copied my "autobiographic message" on the general board, and gotten interesting answers from other females aspies, if you're curious :

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt207199.html