Finally made it here

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Hi everyone

I don't really like labelling anyone as having a 'condition' but, after years and years of knowing that something is 'wrong' with how my life unfolds - not intrinsically (it's a beautiful life actually, despite all the pain) but extrinsically (my problems in dealing with other people, wider society and this highly competitive world in general) I have come to the realization that I most probably have what is called Asperger's, (although I don't like the sound of that term at all! Sounds too much like 'Hamburgers' or something.) Anyway, here I am, no longer in denial of the fact that I am different, and with a feeling of relief, actually. For years I have thought that it was I who was 'wrong' due to the immense challenges I have fitting in almost anywhere at all in mainstream society, but now, I think that I, like all of us here, are not any less 'valuable' than others in society who are able to be so much more 'productive' (yes let's all be good robots and dutifully work for the elites till we drop dead - not), but rather have a highly developed sensitivity to life that, in a different context, might have seen us as shamans, or artisans, stargazers, or visionaries and dreamers, holding the lore of the clan, but in this modern society all too often sees us as 'maladjusted' and needing to 'reform'. Not that I'm not immensely grateful to the many normal people who help build the houses we live in, and grow the food we eat; just that, I don't fit in to mainstream society, and it's time to admit it.

This is going to sound funny, but even my kids have begun to notice how they are able to relate to other people in general with much more skill and ease than their own father (and I am so happy about that!). I mean, at first it was just the rejection of most people (increasingly, since my teens) that made me wonder, what is wrong? Then ,a friend who works with autism suggested I might have Asp. Now, finally, after a few years of denial - I realize, yes, I have it (I think). Whatever 'it' is lol. (a few errant neurons? some crossed wires somewhere?)

Anyway, whatever I 'have' or 'have not' I sense i will fit in here - I hope. I doubt that I'm too eccentric for an autism forum, anyway.

kind regards,
meself.

Last edited by sourcepen on 22 Aug 2012, 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome! I hope you enjoy this community, and all its hamburgers.

Very insightful comments!

As unbelievable as it still is to me, I've had a much easier time understanding and relating to the writings of Aspies. I'm sure you're experiencing the same thing. It seems like a lot us properly take the time to explain things, and don't see the need to throw out a lot of dramatic lines of opinionated crap, or at least without using good bit of logic and evidence to support it.

We push hard, we get results, we never quit. And it always comes at a price... I'm a strong believer in evolutionary processes (i.e. natural selection) being evident everywhere. And the hardest thing is dealing with people's natural tendencies to discriminate and "throw our faults in our faces". Even our own families are more than capable of this. We have a hard time understanding "common decencies" as NT's have a hard time understanding us. I have no choice but to forgive them for that, as much as I reluctantly need to forgive myself for my faults.

I'm usually a vegetarian, but yes i think I will

Thanks for your warm welcome, CrystalStars

'sourcepen'

Thank you for that positive feedback. I've been 'trained' since goodness knows when to look down on myself, but I will try to just accept what you said graciously. I could give a dozen adjectives that a normal person might describe me as, but I'm sure you are already familiar with them.

I can relate to everything you said here, except that I can't claim to have 'gotten results' as yet. The overriding task of my life is as yet unfulfilled. But as Freddie Mercury sang, those who 'keep on fighting, till the end' - despite having much sand kicked in their faces along the way - are 'the champions'. And by fighting, I do not mean with violence, but with courage and truth.

I hope that made sense...I'm allowing myself to write more intuitively here, since I don't feel as though I will get judged for it

sp

Welkome to WP

Mick