Hello. I am new to the forums. My name is Mindy and I am 27 years old. I am in Ohio, USA. I am hoping to find people with Asperger's who might be around my age. I am looking only for friendship on here. When I registered, I didn't realize these forums were based in Europe, so the likely-hood of making rl friends on here might not be as possible, though this being the internet, there might be.
For the longest time, no one could figure out what I had. They said my "symptoms" overlapped so much, there was no sure definition what my diagnosis was. I knew I was different. I grew up in foster care and was molested everywhere on top of that. Fortunately, I was adopted, but my adoptive mother had to pick the most troubled child. I have trouble being around a lot of people and they diagnosed that as just social anxiety. I do have anxiety as well, but is has been decreasing the longer I live on my own. In the end, I was unhappy with the psychiatrist. She really didn't want to spend the time to re-diagnose me. She had me as major depression, mild bi-polar, anxiety, social anxiety, fetal alcohol syndrome, PSTD, etc. Some of those sound all right. But I kept bringing up Asperger's, and she let it keep sliding off. So screw her, I left her, wishing to start fresh. Because I found my answer on my own.
One day, I was reading an Asperger's website, and the more I read, the more I was excited, yet a bit bitter finding that I am in that spectrum. But I get very lonely and wish I had friends I could do things with. My youth is going by day by day by day, and I am sitting home alone on a computer, playing online games by myself. But being part of a MMORPG, socializing is supposed to be one of the high points. Unfortunately, I found myself gaming alone again. I can't keep friendships too well, because everyone seems so shallow. I want to talk about more important, deeper things than what was on TV and crap like that. Being one with mild autism/Asperger's, I am sure many of you have felt this as well. I can't do small talk and have trouble starting or keeping conversations going. But it'd be fun to just do things like bowling or whatever, ya know? I'm an ex-alcohol, drug abuser, so I am not going to really going to go to bars or whatever to find people. I'm not wanting an intimate relationship either, which most would think I was after but nah, no way...--too messy. Just something simple, with people who understand WHY I am not a talker. When I am hyped up, I will get talkative.
What brought me here? Well, I was taking a nap after visiting the gym and it was full of dreams of me crying and saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... to all the ex-friends and all my imaginary dream people friends were leaving me, cause they don't understand!! ! xD.. I'm very depressed and I wish I had someone to talk to. Talk deeply, just talk about the bigger meanings. And my loneliness is killing me inside. It physically aches...
Anyway, there's my introduction. Maybe I can make friends on here... I'd like that, but I'm not keeping my hopes up.
12 Sep 2012, 6:45 pm
Welcome to Wrong Planet.
I get some really wild dreams, sometimes it feels like a lifetime... real lucid.
