I think I might have Aspergers

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Sorry for the length...

First let me say that I have a lot of issues, and I certainly don't want to add to them in the sense that I don't want to go and get diagnosed. I'm not particularly fond of psychologists at all. First of all, I'm transgender so that's caused enough issues in my life and I don't ever want to be diagnosed as suffering from Gender Dysphoria because I don't think it should even be a diagnosis. And second, the one time I did go to a psychologist she was horrible, and she obviously didn't catch any of the problems I had (social issues, phobias) and she made the whole relationship with my parents worse than it actually was. I just want to know if you think I have this, so maybe now I can find ways to cope with it / people to relate to, because most people don't understand what I think/feel.

Now up until a week or so ago I didn't know what the hell Aspergers was. I'm a big Sherlock Holmes fan and have been for quite sometime. I always identified with him and similar characters, and then the other day I read an article that said he might have been based on someone with Aspergers, and I was like... what is this?

So I looked it up and while many things seem to match up, some don't so I thought I'd get your opinion. I thought found this place and thought it looked like the best place to ask seeing as you're open to self-diagnosed people. Also if I should post this somewhere else tell me but since I'm new I thought I'd put it here.

Things that seem like Aspergers:

I've always been shy/socially anxious and not that I've grown up and need to do things on my own it's even more noticeable. I thought I had Social Anxiety but it never seemed to fit. I'm not afraid of what people think of me exactly. I'll walk around in ridiculous clothes, do weird things and not care. I just feel like I don't know what to do. If I'm presented with an unknown situation I seize up. I avoid it at all costs. I often say I wish life had a manual that told you exactly what to say an how to behave. And even when things go right it won't curve my anxiety, it's just as bad. I'll review a conversation in my head at night for hours sometime looking for what I should have done differently or what I did weird even though the other person's reaction was fine. So forcing me into situations and showing me everything went fine doesn't work. And simple things like taking the bus. My mind tries to imagine what I should do (where do I put the card? how do I stop the bus? how the hell does going on a bus even work? what if someone tries to make small talk? what if? what if? but have no answers so I'll panic). BUT if someone tells me: You do this, stick your hand here, if this happens you do this, and if this doesn't happen you do that, then you go here, he'll say bla bla bla, give you this, you'll go there.... etc. my anxiety is almost gone.

I have lot's of headaches (ever since I could talk and explain them) so I keep ice packs by my bed and I'll place them on my head because they calm me (I later read this helps people go to sleep and calm their thoughts and I'd been doing it for years) and I don't like sleeping with lights so I use the gel icepack to cover my eyes. If I don't use a gel pack I can't stop thinking. I'll toss and turn forever.

I've always always tapped/shaken one of my legs. I'll be doing it and won't notice it until people ask me to stop.

I either make a lot of eye contact with people I'm really close to. If we're fighting or having a heated discussion I open my eyes wide and try to be intimidating I guess.

But with strangers or lots of people I tend to talk at the wall. I can't tell stories while looking at people, even friends. It just feels odd to look at their eyes.

I like to listen to one song 50+ times, I hear some people do this.

I'll take requests and some jokes seriously. My mom asked me to wash the paper plates she gave me and try to reuse them because they were expensive, and I did but they wouldn't get clean, and then later she told me she was joking, and then I felt like an idiot. When people put on straight faces and joke/request things I want to take them seriously.

I often speak in the wrong tone. Like I'll be happy and want to nicely request a favor, but I'm told I'm being rude, and then I don't think they believe me when I say I didn't mean to.

I can't resist saying the truth or correcting people on facts. I'll go on a tangent about hows it's 5.5 and not 5.4 and how I came to this discovery and how I knew.

As a kid I had very specific interests. Planets, Mummies, Pyramids. I still have the 20 or so books I bought on those subjects. I can't recall the facts now but I knew I memorized most of the books. I also liked watching movies 100 times over and speaking every line, I don't as much. I'll watch things 4-5 times and remember a few lines. My interests are still very specific to this day. I'm currently obsessed with cemeteries and bought 5 books on that. And when I get obsessed with shows or anything that has a huge universe, oh god, it's insane. I'll remember every little fact. I can tell you which episode and almost which part of the episode and exactly how it differs from the books. < And I like to spout out many of the facts I know if the subject even approaches them. If we're talking about books I'll direct the conversation to a book I like and speak endlessly about it.

I often go off into my own world. I used to this is in a more disorganized fashion, but now that I'm trying to write a book I'll go off into the world of my book and just sit and imagine for hours. Sometimes people will call my name or ask me things and I won't hear them.

My brother seems to have Aspergers: He doesn't understand when it's appropriate to talk, he talks incredibly loudly, he walks on his tip toes which I hear can be Aspergers (it always worried my mom but doctor's told her it was just curiosity), he very has narrow interests like me (Sharks, specific video game characters, a select few video games) to the point of obsession (he'll know everything about it, every update and what it did, and will want to tell me facts all the time).

I'm studying Programming because I like that it has rules and I like math.

I don't like using different brands of things/changing brands, sleeping in places where others have slept or people sleeping in my bed and making it smell differently. I also hate hate hate any sort of surprise.

If I don't do things in a particular order in the morning I'll forget things and be uncomfortable doing them differently.

My handwriting is kind of bad, sometimes even I can't understand it if I'm reading older notes.

I don't mind not having lots of friends. If I can occasionally to talk to someone I'm good. If I do have friends I don't really care about them to the level other people seem to, but then I've had very few good friends who I managed to care about (2 maybe 3).

When I was younger I tried having friends/ dressing like them but everything I did was awkward. I often just went to the field and looked at the grass / collected petals from flowers.
I overdo my facial expressions a lot.

I often don't get how others are feeling just by there voice. I have to look at their body/face/voice all together.

I recently found that if I schedule time to do things and put alarms and make a calendar that I'm not as lazy as I thought. I never liked being exact with planners and stuff but just having a general event that says from 1-4 "pick a project and do" really helps.

Things that don't seem like Aspergers:

I can tell facial expressions, but sometimes I won't realize someone looks sad until I'm talking to them. I've taken a few expression recognition tests but I always feel the choices aren't really what I see. I'll see a vague expression and often think it's boredom or a plane content face, but the option isn't there. But again I observe people a lot (because I draw and write) so that might have helped me.

I can tell sarcasm. I'll enjoy it immensely in movies/tv, and I can be sarcastic, but as described above I also often can't tell. I'll suspect it and look at someone for a second with questioning eyes until they either tell me they're not being serious or I realize they're being sarcastic. I always have to step back and analyze.

I'm 18 and my parents always thought something was off, but I think my gender problems were more obvious and now they're mostly blamed for my social problems. I do have a bit more confidence now that I'm out and living as my identity but not nearly to the level they expected.

I walked really early as a baby (but never liked to crawl, don't know if that's important) but I am terribly clumsy currently with my legs. I can never seem to get out of a car without stumbling.

I don't mind noise around me. I like to have background noise to do things, even sleep ( a fan). I only mind light (the sun, led's in the dark are evil).

I always knew or paid attention to when it was appropriate to talk. I always got super anxious if I interrupted. I would analyze the situation to death. This also led me to believe I had social anxiety. I still till this day often clench my mouth and resist the urge to correct to talk in certain situations where I feel it's not appropriate (even if it sometimes is). This lead me to being really quite. I also cringe when I think other people are being socially awkward (a big problem with my brother), even if to other people they're just being normal. I'll start to bite my nails or do this weird thing in my hand where I visualize a flattened wheel rotating.

My friend is studying psychology (even though I disagree) and has never said anything to me. I know they're not supposed to look at friends/family like patients but I know he often gives advise to others if they're depressed to go see someone, just that it can't be him.

And there's a few more things for each list but I can't think of them right now.


If you guys think I have Aspergers it'd be awesome if you could give me some tips on how to cope or your experience with psychologists and maybe I might be willing to go to one.

LOL

Okay, I'd say you have tendencies towards obsessive compulsion.

Try to condense your post to a few paragraphs, make yourself concentrate on your biggest issue right now.

I think you'll get more responses. Quite frankly you listed too much content for me to decipher.

Maybe writing all that out helped you feel better? I hope so. It helps me sometimes.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Some of the things you listed under "Things that seem like Aspergers" aren't unique only to AS. Forgive me for coming off as rude, but perhaps you should condense your post. I can't speak for everybody, but I quickly lose concentration reading large blocks of text, and as a previous poster mentioned you'd probably get more replies if it were shorter.

Welkome to WP

Mick

What I did was I read up on AS was because I was curious and many of the traits seemed to fit me. As I did more research I saw many of the items listed. If they're just AS or common to many things like OCD I wouldn't know (although I'll look that up). If you want to read the list I made it as thorough as possible, if you don't the first few items where the most obvious to me (hence why I remembered them first).

As far as condensing the information I'll try the best I can, but usually I tend to write long detailed explanations and can't help it, sorry, it does also help to talk about it. To condense I'll leave out the exceptions and exact incidents that I listed above.

Concerning the requirements for AS, this the general pattern I see, in terms of language I always spoke with fairly complex vocab, I always had trouble interacting because I don't know what to do, I'm not good with eye contact or jokes usually, I can't control my own tone of voice (I sound rude when trying to be nice), I always had specific interests and would learn everything about them and would often want to tell people but my anxiety concerning interrupting and social situations prevented it and I'm clueless about popular culture because it doesn't interest me, but then if I'm forced to learn things I'll do just fine, the stuff like trouble with faces doesn't exist, recognizing emotions is okay, I'm clumsy but walked early, and then I'm not sure about many things that parents should have noticed because I was too shy.

Ok.

That was easier to understand.

You see if you bombard us with information in that manic way your symptoms become to broad and you could be diagnosed with almost anything.

The thing with AS is it's a spectrum disorder. Many levels and layers to it that can be mistaking for something else.

I think ppl want to be careful that it doesn't turn into a catch-all diagnoses like ADHD did.

That would destroy all the progress that's been accomplished on the autism front.
As well as all the future progress we've yet to make.

If you are not able to have an Asperger test administered to you by a shrink or mental health professional there are many online to give you a better idea where you stand.

I would start there.

Also look around the site there are many different forums here that can help you.

Where can I find these online tests?

Anybody have any thoughts on whether I lean towards Aspergers or OCD?

Hi nonames, I read your entire list because I related to most of them. You sound very like me in many ways. I'm not an expert on ASperger, having only learnt about its existence about a month ago. A counsellor told me its likely I have it but I can't get a diagnosis till 3 months later.

In the meantime, all my research and spending time in this forum convinces me that I have AS. So because you're so like me, I think there's a high possibility you have it too. :p

Welcome to the forum by the way.