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Hi guys, just signed up today I've been reading up here for a few days though.

I'm a 21 yr old guy struggling with life. I've always known I was weird just never knew there was anything causing it. Everyone thinks I'm shy and reserved. Problem is I can see someone everyday for a month and still not be able to avoid awkwardness. I can't even make eye contact with my parents! Wtf is that? The disproportionate eye contact, the awkward handshakes, the stuttering, the silence, the "What did u say?" question x 1000000000000, the words i blurt out that sound made up, the AWEFUL story telling abilities, the restlessness, the memory, i even have problems placing an order in a drivethrough etc... and on and on. LOL sometimes when im explaining something to someone and I can see myself going nowhere I just start making up the story to atleast make sense .

I''m not diagnosed though. I have an appointment tomorrow with a psych for the first time. I'm "diagnosed" as add by my family doctor (She is a family friend and I never wanted to dive into my real issues with her so I just explained to her about my trouble with school and inability to focus on anything so I could atleast try to do good in my classes). I'm also depressed, been this way since like age 11. I never knew why exactly I just always cried at night (who knew an 11 yr old boy could be so emotional right? ); kinda just hated my life. I never really had any friends, just people in my classes I "talked" to. I just spent most of my time at home, and the only social contact I had was my family including relatives and cousins.

I got EXTREMELY lucky in university in that I found a huge group of friends that never minded my awkwardness and included me in everything (which for the record it's pure bliss the feeling I get when I'm included in plans). Fast forward to today I think my screwed up-ness is catching back up to me, I'm hating social events and hardcore worrying about basic conversations I have with a freind or 2. I stress out to the point where I haveto get up and go to the bathroom and just stretch out pace for a second (I cannot stand or sit in one place too long or I start to make a really hard fist under the table and my jaw muscles cramp up). I get bored of my prof in the first 3 minutes and cannot for the life of me keep up with them. They talk and talk and talk and all I can think of is how he should probably get new markers and a new board because the cheapo one he has leaves smudges all over and it's just not a pretty sight. Even if I was able to pay attention, I forget almost everything instantly. But this isn't limited to classes, even friends I forget most stuff ( <---sucky friend). "Oh you graduated last semester?" "Oh your Bday was yesterday?" "Oh you had a baby?" Yep, I suck.

I also have a huge problem with indecisiveness and issues with commitment. I DREAD being asked to go somewhere because I dont want the time to come up and completely not feeling like going. I hate it because I don't know what to expect and anytime I leave the house at least 1 awkward situation will happen, guaranteed! Those awkward penguin memes apply to me 100%, except it's an every day thing.

Ok last little paragraph and I'm done. I'm extremely sensitive. Like to the point where if you tell me the cologne I'm wearing doesn't smell good, I will go off and cry for a little. Pathetic, I know Sometimes if I see a disabled person and they are alone I feel so bad I get this sick feeling in my stomach. I cant handle being around people that make fun of other people. I take it personal for some reason. Maybe it's because deep down I feel exactly like the girl that can't walk right even though my legs are perfectly fine.
Thanks for reading this! Any thoughts, comments, or ideas are welcome I hope I can find out what's going on exactly when I go to my appt tomorrow!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you!

Welkome to WP

Mick

^^
Thanks!

Well the psych said it's highly unlikely that I have Asperger's because I do have emotion and I care about people. He said it's just my shyness. Not sure what to think I mean it's not like I want the diagnosis but I would like to know why I'm so different.

Hey there, Im new too!! yayayayayayaya

Welcome!

I'm new here and in the same position as you...I have an app in a couple weeks to start figuring things out.

I can totally relate to a lot of what you described.

Let me know how it goes!

I'm really unwilling to just say that shyness has been my problem all along. I know for a fact it's not true! I'm gunna talk to my psych again. If it's not asperger's it has to be something else.