My name is Emily and I might be an aspie. Thoughts?

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I have always felt...flawed. I suppose there is no other word to describe it. Since childhood, I have done things others considered odd. At the age of five I started measuring the distance between my pillow and wall every night. Had to be exactly one inch between the two and also needed to be parallel. I would scream like mad if I couldn't get it -just- right. I also was convinced I'd either die in my sleep or go blind so a good rest was a rarity.

Now that I'm older, I've thankfully ditched the pillow measuring and usually don't worry about death at bedtime. I rarely sleep, however. I just can't, my brain is constantly going with all kinds of thoughts, none of which seem to be connected. Dreams are the same way. Anyway, I still do strange things that I -have- to do. I am compelled in a way that I can't ignore. When I have coffee, I can only drink it with two straws, pink and yellow*. They must be touching when I grab them, otherwise they are not the right ones. No timer can start or end on an even number, nor can any cables touch the wall or anything next to them on electronic devices. I check everything to be sure it's off at least five or six times. I am pretty much positive if I don't do all this that someone I care about will die.

Speaking of people I care about... There are very few of those. I didn't realize the extent of my lack of caring until an in-law got in an accident and I couldn't find it in me to join in the worry over them. (They were fine, thankfully) I am married and have a little boy. Those two are some of the only people I love. In fact, with them it's the complete opposite of how I am with most other people. I am downright obsessive. My husband of six years has to deal with me constantly fussing over his safety and our son's. I can guarantee my world would crumble if anything happened to them. Other than them and my youngest brother, I do not wish to be around anyone. I HATE social gatherings and phone conversations. If I must communicate. I prefer texting or instant messaging. Not only because it lets me end the conversation without having to deal with their reaction, but also for the fact that in person I am clumsy with my speech. I cannot count how many people have assumed I'm an idiot. I go over any conversation in person or by telephone over and over again, both before and after it's happened.

In school, I was nearly driven to suicide thanks to relentless teasing. I have never been into what's 'in' at the time so I never really fit in with others. I also was a very poor student. Having to answer to a teacher pissed me off. Perhaps it sounds wrong but I see no one as 'above' me. No one holds authority over me. For this reason, I've been let go from numerous jobs. And I ended up repeating my last year of high school due to my inability to focus. One big thing at my school was to get points for reading various books from a required list. Well, they were nearly all fictional and I cannot stand fiction. I see no point in reading something that didn't even happen. All I can do is point out all the inconceivable bits of information I find. Movies are a no-go too, again for the unrealistic aspect plus the fact there's no way I can sit still to watch something for two hours.

I have a really hard time relating to people my age. (mid 20s) All of my interests are either similar to a child's or an elderly person. Typical activities like going to a club or whatever almost embarrass me. I feel like a little kid in situations involving alcohol or things like that. I do not dress my age either. People assume I am much younger. Nice, formal attire makes me insanely uncomfortable, almost like a little girl playing dress-up.

I have a huge love of art and music. I also pick up artistic skills with ease. I have drawn and sang well most my life and when I picked up sewing in 2008, it was hardly any time at all before I was hand-stitching complex stuffed animals. If I love a subject, I will dedicate tons of time to it. Filling notebooks with any information I can find. If I am not interested, though...I cannot learn about the topic. At all. I tried with all my might in school but it was impossible. Even if I did manage to retain anything, my brain would chuck it the second it was no longer useful.

Anyway, that's me... If there is anything else you'd like to know, just ask.

Does this sound like I may need to look into potentially having Asperger's? I honestly feel like this may be the right path to pursue. I have been on various medications for bioplar, anxiety issues, etc. and nothing helps.

(*Wrote 'blue' the first time for some reason... That isn't right at all so I edited it)

You would do well to obtain an official diagnosis from an appropriately trained and licensed mental-health professional. Subjective diagnoses are prone to being wrong, as the person's own perceptions may be distorted by other conditions, such as PTSD, Bipolar Mood Disorder, and Schizophrenia.

Don't let the poseurs convince you otherwise.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP,
From your description is does seem something is going on and it has some of the aspie traits. But it could be other similiar things. Certainly many here, including myself share some of the same things you write about. If it was very mild you might not need to see anyone about it, as many mild case people would rather not have a diagnosis in their records, etc. But if these things are bothering you, or your family, you know degrading your life, then going the medical professional route is the best way to try and get an accurate diagnosis. Things like Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression often accompany Aspergers or similiar spectrum conditions. Its difficult to get it all sorted out correctly and professionals have the best shot at it. As far as I know there isn't a medication for Aspergers itself, just meds for treating some problematic symtoms like anxiety, etc. The treatment for Aspergers seems more learning based, to understand your condition and learn how best to manage it. Its is kind of weird, going from thinking of myself as uniquely 'different' to 'hey wait... I am just Joe blow average aspie', but the knowledge and info I have gained have made things easier and taken away a lot of the scary unknowns.

Hi. My name is Emily, too, but I'm a non-aspie autistic. Not that really matters.

It sounds like you have a good deal of obsession-compulsions, and that you've seen professionals about it. Good for you. Keep seeing them, maybe bring up Asperger Syndrome, but be cautious of "Oh, you think you have that?...Fine, you have it! I'm not going to do a through investigation!"

Welkome to WP

Mick

I know how that is. Unless it's an immediate family member I really don't have the empathy in me to care at all. I didn't even know what empathy was before I looked it up after I realized I have Aspergers.

I've had co-workers and students at my small (40 student) school die and was more just thinking "oh that sucks" and that was pretty much the gist of it.
I watch a lot of shows with my fiance' that are either very emotional or just set her off and the tears start flowing. For me it's really just something I don't experience or feel at all. It's like trying to understand someone who is speaking a completely different language. I hear it but it doesn't register as anything in my head.
There's a ton of emotions that I am still trying to understand and grasp but it is very difficult. I know that was a little long but just giving you my thoughts on it and my experiences with it.


Btw HELLO!! ! I'm new here as well. I've got 2 kids and 1 on the way. Nice to meet you. I'm Brian!