My turn
I’ve been looking around for a while here and I feel it is now time for me to present myself. First of all: I’m not diagnosed but I feel very strongly I belong on the spectrum somewhere. It is probably a mild degree of AS I have.
When I first heard of AS 4-5 years ago I could instantly recognize myself but I was also a bit terrified of it. To be categorized in the same box as autism was not something I could accept. It was a chock; I tried to deny it. Many years ago when I was a child I knew I was different, but at the same time I thought being intelligent and different was just two sides of the same coin. So when I stumbled upon AS I instantly reverted back to being intelligent is being different.
Alas, it did not work for me. Now I must try to come to terms with AS and somehow accept it. It is difficult to embrace fully but I’m older now and more ready.
So, how are my Asperger’s looking like. I have the usual social phobias as so many do and some crazy anxieties. Most of the time I can do fine on my own, but sometimes I really need to be social with other people. It is difficult at times but I’ve learned how to act and what to say or do. It can be stressing but I can cope with it as long as I have some downtime afterwards. I really hate driving: predicting other people’s random patterns is nerve wrecking. I hate going to the barbershop: you are pinned down, always have to small-talk and you cannot leave if it gets awkward. Most of all I hate talking to attractive girls because I have absolutely nothing to say and then I look like a fool. But I do like them girls.
I also have the stupid eye thing. It is very stressing for me to look other people in the eyes. It’s like looking into a divine pool of beauty and wisdom not meant for man. It sucks all of my concentration and energy and I am afraid that they too can look directly into my soul.
The sun hurts my eyes too, but I can darken my room or wear shades for that. I have some sensitivity issues with smells and sounds. Dogs barking are especially annoying - why do they always do that?
Ok, so that is enough self-pity for one night. There are some good things about AS too. For one thing I’m independent and don’t follow group mentality. Someday I will write the next great novel (that is actually my life ambition)
At the very end; for you my dear: I’m 30, from Copenhagen in Denmark, civil engineer, likes travelling a lot, current win streak in FreCell is 510, read books (now: bhagavad-gita and tinker, tailor, soldier, spy), just started on yoga and in this very moment it is 2.50 am and can’t sleep.
18 Sep 2012, 7:56 pm
