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Hi guys! I was wondering if yall could tell me what you think about my experiences? Is there anything that yall relate to? Any advice?

I'm not sure if I have AS or not but I came up with this idea a couple of days ago, last time I smoked, and it just kind of seemed to click. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then and the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Ever since I came up with it I also feel like I've been more able to gauge social situations, to look at them in perspective so to speak.

I think everyone in my family has it, since they all act so clueless and are all so disconnected with each other. Whenever we all get together everyone is on their own topic, in their own world, struggling with their own issues that when you look at it in perspective are really not issues at all, or are just symptoms of the condition. The effect is awfully frustrating.

I always considered myself normal. At the same time I've always struggled with a social life, and people often tell me that I'm weird or different, and I've always failed to see how. I have a few friends but most of them have really similar interests to mine. Also I have a hard time with telling who is mad at me or not, I often think people are mad at me when they're just being normal. And sometimes when people joke I think they're serious. Also since I've thought I had it I've been looking at all these people in my life and thinking that they might have it as well. I get really caught up in certain subjects, even in conversation once I pick up a good topic I'm often very reluctant to let it drop. I've also been told I have weird mannerisms when I talk, like I do weird things with my hands, and I talk kind of slow sometimes, like I sound the same when I'm drunk as when I'm not.

I'm also the most disorganized person in the world. I lose everything on a nearly daily basis - wallet, keys, phone. I have to order a new debit card nearly once every two months because I lose it so often. I can barely keep my room straight. One time, about a month ago, I looked at my room and was like "hey... I should probably clean this to make it more socially acceptable" because I had company over who saw what a mess it was, so I did and it really did look pretty normal, which got me thinking like, hey maybe I should adapt the guise of normalcy (even though I had no idea what was wrong with me at that time). I too often forget to do things even if I remind myself several times to do it, and write it down on a list. I'm in college and I'm pretty good at stuff but I haven't made an A in ages, because I can never focus on studying, and often forget to do my homework. I have never had a boyfriend even though I've wanted one for the longest time. I just can't seem to get guys to like me, or to connect with them but I do consider myself somewhat attractive lol.

I just feel so terrible about this because all evidence points toward the fact that I do have it. But I don't want to have a problem! I've always been healthy. I've never even had as much as a cavity. But this is one of those things that's more of a difference than a condition, isn't it? I just wish I was better with people. I would hate for anyone to find out about this. I feel like that would be embarrassing though I'm wondering if people might already know.

also I've been thinking of some things I could do to help it. What I've been trying to do the past couple of days is this zen buddhist concept called "mindfulness" where you try to be fully present in everything you do. I feel like one of my main problems is my mind is often elsewhere and so I miss important cues.

Hello. There are some tests online you can take if you really believe you are an Aspie.
It's nothing to be ashamed of though it can be hard when you don't have many connections with other people. It's how I feel a lot of the time but I've really gotten used to it because it's how it's always been.

Don't feel bad about it. Quoting Temple Grandin "I am different, not less."

Send me a message sometime if you would talk some more and welcome to WP

Thank you ! !! that is a beautiful quote.

I will definitely do that!

I took the AQ test, came up with a score of 18. I'm not sure its accurate though, it only measures some aspects. Like for example I don't spend any time planning, because my plans always fall apart, and I am extremely disorganized. I also like reading fiction, though as far as movies go I definitely prefer documentaries. But I definitely have a very active imagination, I don't know if other people do?

Based on what I've read though, my life basically fits the pattern. (example: active yet obsessive as a child, depressed and withdrawn teenager, quirky, trouble picking up on certain things) Maybe I have a milder form though. Or maybe it was because I was raised by a whole family of aspies (the more I think about it the more I see all these patterns of behavior in all of them), but I doubt it, but I do have friends, like right now I live with some friends, but I feel like they laugh at me a lot because of my cluelessness and anyway I have trouble telling who my friends are sometimes (I used to think I was just paranoid about everything and now I'm discovering there might be basis for the paranoia).

There are some other tests as well.

Here's a link to the tests. Aspie Tests

These are not for professional diagnosis but more just for yourself to give you an idea where you might fall.

I've had many of the same things happen to me. I try to plan but things really do fall apart. I can only seem to get things done when I make lists. Also sarcasm for me is nearly impossible for me to decipher unless it's something ridiculous that they say. I have trouble studying because when I was in school up to like 9th grade I never had to study because I was usually just getting A's all the time. Since I went to college though it was way more difficult for me because I didn't have a good base for studying. Everything looked important so it's very difficult to pick out the details I really need to know and it's almost like information overload.
I get very awkward around people because I act so differently. I've been told the same things that I'm weird.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

It seems one can can Aspergers to different degrees, so if you do have it, it very well may be a milder case. A lot of people with it choose not to get a diagnosis. Really there is not much that can be done in such cases, that you can not do/learn on your own. I would say it would be worthwhile to get a diagnosis when the benefits of having it are clear and long-term (such as finding you are unable to work a normal job etc.).

Not all of what you describe is necessarily connected or a symtom of Aspergers. If messy rooms was, then half the people I ever knew had it. I don't remember forgetfulness being a sign of aspergers, but maybe its just because I have it.

What you describe socially and on frequently being considered different hits more on the mark, but its only a maybe and I would say try to keep your mind open to other options too at this point. Things like shyness and obsessing also occur in neurotypicals. Its easy to get self diagnosis of mental conditions wrong. Even Doctors with all their schooling and training can have difficulty sorting it out. Basically its a time to do your investigating and learn all the aspects/symtoms of Aspergers or other similiar Autisic conditions.

But I would also say, relax. If it turns out you do have it, you don't die from it, and no one ever need know if that is what you want. If someone tries to play Shrink on you, ask them if they tell fortunes and can speak to the dear departed too. You would also find there are a heck of a lot of 'different' people. My rough calculation based on newest occurance rates came up with 150 million + worldwide.

Welcome to WP!