Hola! New, undiagnosed, but pretty darn positive

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Hi everyone,

So the first time I ever heard of Asperger's was a few years ago from a contestant on America's Next Top Model who said she had it and briefly described what it was. I remember thinking in passing, "Huh. That's me." But I didn't look into it further.

I've been married for 16+ years. It's been pretty much hell. My husband described me as a cold fish, which deteriorated over the years into soul-sucking, evil Harpy. We were in couples counseling and I had participated in individual therapy because I REALLY wanted to make my marriage work. **tthhppt**tthppt**tthhppt** (visual is Yukon Cornelius out of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer licking his pick to test for gold) - NOTHING! We were both convinced that I was deeply in denial about my character flaws. Seriously, we were literally one year away from divorcing. Until -

10/13/2012 apprx. 8:00 p.m. Hubby's had some coffee and was buzzing around. He announced he was going outside to rearrange his mancave (garage). I decide to climb into bed and pop in a movie. I start getting drowsy, look at the clock (it's about 9:15 p.m.), and think to myself that it's ok I don't go say good night because F-1 is on at 10:00 p.m. Hubby will be in at that time to watch F-1, so I'll wake up again, so it's really not "good night time", so the night's not over. (Back story - Historically, it's a gripe of his, this good night thing. He says it's inconsiderate for me to not say good night to him.) He comes in and I do wake up (I look at the clock - it's 9:50 p.m.) He is freakin' furious that I didn't go out and say good night! I'm all confused - truly, truly - and go into my long, drawn out explanation as to why I didn't go out and say good night, etc., etc. And he storms out and drives away. He gets back in the wee hours of the morning after calming down and explains to me that while my thought process on the matter he could understand, it is still considerate for me to apologize because of his emotional state.

10/14/2012 Hubs researches Asperger's and is absolutely struck. He says I have to read more about it. We are both CONVINCED I'm an Aspie. From the book Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood - "I know I have Asperger's, because nothing else comes even close to describing my weirdness as flawlessly and perfectly as Asperger's syndrome does." That is EXACTLY how I felt after further research on Asperger's. Hubs and I had both previously looked at other things like Narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc. And with those my/our reaction was "yeah, I suppose that's me." With Asperger's it was "Holy Cow! That's ME!" And then I stumbled on something about toe walking being a common occurrence with Aspies and I was like "What the heck?! Are you kidding me?!" I STILL toe walk and I'm 41 years old!

Asperger's explains so much of things I did and things I do and the strangeness I've always felt. Coming to the conclusion that I'm an Aspie has basically evaporated 16 years of marital turmoil. And I'm so happy and hopeful!

I'm super high functioning. I look back on my teen years and attribute a lot of my social skills to my experiences from that time. I worked in a family-owned restaurant. It was sink or swim and a lot of emotional meltdowns (which now I understand why).

Well, thanks for listening. And hello. Nice to meet y'all. Looking forward to learning more about myself.

Aspie Quiz: AS: 133, NT: 78

Roz in San Diego, CA.

I'm so happy things seem to work out for you, those previous years can not have been very good to experience. Welcome to the forum, I hope you find people to relate and talk to here, and I wish you and your man the best of luck!

Hi Patdbunny
You have to check out this page of greenturtles cartoons link, they will be so fitting for you right now, especially the 'It fits'.

Welcome to WP and I hope once you both come to a level of contentment with each other once you settle into your discovery.

Our situations are very similar, a relationship of 22 years here. So feel free to PM if any questions.

Bill

This is pretty much how things went in my house as well. My husband was convinced of it several weeks before I was, though; however, it didn't take long for me to realize that he was correct in his assessment of the situation. It has made so much in my life make sense. Anyway, I wish you good luck, and I hope things continue to work out for you.

Hopefully, you guys are still in counseling. I doubt that marital strife can "evaporate" so suddenly.

Thanks everyone for the validation. And the cartoons! Those were great!

Emimeni - No, marital strife doesn't generally "evaporate" suddenly. In my case it "does" because I/we've been working on all the "normal" marital strife stuff for 15+ years - those things have been resolved (for the most part). It's all the little aspie "inconsiderate" stuff, shutting down, meltdowns - those things that remained that were looking like deal breakers. He just couldn't understand how I could change the "toothpaste tube" issues and not the little emotional things that looked to him like little passive aggressive jabs. Now he understands and is accepting. And I have new insight into my behavior so I can adjust also.

We were just discussing last night it always seemed we tried to aim at the same target but never ever hit it and couldn't understand why. We're just hitting a lot closer to center now with our new understanding.

I think you need to be married for an extended period of time/in a long term relationship to understand where I'm coming from.

Welcome, patd!

I kind of know where you're coming from. As I learn about my son with Aspergers, and things that I "get" about him that others think are weird, I learned where I am on the scale and that I do indeed have some Aspie tendencies as well. I'm only just over 100 on the Aspie scale, but some of my traits are pretty strong. I like is- it helps me relate to my son better.

Yes, Joe. That understanding allows a lot of things to instantly become non-issues.
Comparing it to learning and understanding cultural differences is, to me, pretty spot on.

Welcome to WP

I am glad to hear that you found out about AS, and you are very lucky that you have a husband that actually actively takes an interest in you.

When I first mentioned AS, after 18 years with my husband I was told it was an excuse for not wanting to work with my self etc. He then left with the mistress he found when I was pregnant with the twins. Same setup, different story. I really hope that you two can work it out.

helles,

That is so very sad!
Yes, I am fortunate that my husband "understands". Actually, he didn't understand why I appeared genuinely caring and concerned and a sociopath all at the same time; which spurred him to seek further answers.
It is a lot easier to run than to understand.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to Wrong Planet!