Hey

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Joined: 18 Oct 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6

28 Oct 2012, 3:01 am

Hey just a kid from canada with high functioning Aspergers, it was diagnosed last summer at 19yo, i'm troubled in life but nothing special, just typical problems i think..
Though the day pr two after i joined here i had my heart pretty broken by somebody i have loved very much for years, i connected to her like very few if like nobody else i have ever before. Even though it was long distance we spent so much time together, whether on computer or phones. We wrote long role-plays with each other, creating new stories and characters all the time, it was something i feel we both relied on, an escape from the realities of high school and parents who just didn't quite get you. She got cancer last year and survived it, i tried to be as much with her as i could but she refused to let me see her while she was in the hospital (through a webcam sadly i wished so hard to be there, to hold and comfort her) and i think that's where a wedge started between us, i don't blame her, i'm sometimes very angry with her as she strung me along for over the last 7 months, it got bumpy because i could feel that we just weren't as close, she never confided in me, i hadn't seen her naked for months except rare glimpses then even the video chats stopped (apparently broken webcam but idk) and aside from the parts of our rp's that were sexual, which she didn't seem as interested in as she used too be either, there was no sexual events between us, she told me it was the cancer, the operation ruined her sex drive (cancer was in the uterus) and i don't doubt that was it for a while and she stopped saying i love you. but i found out last monday she's had a serious boyfriend there for 7 months, she's in love with him and plans to spend the rest of her days with him (which she believes to be 10 years)

I've never felt so hurt and shattered before, this heavy sucking feeling in my chest, the fear, the love, the anger, the memories, i felt humiliated. For over half a year she was with somebody else while she spent less and less time with me, believing she loved me, believing it was a rough patch in a several year long friendship and a few year long romantic relationship.
As long as i can remember, i wanted someone special, somebody that i could share a loving, amazing deep bond with, and she was the closest i've ever gotten and for a long time despite there being a screen between us, i truly loved her and i believe a part of her must still love me, even if it's not romantic. She told me the other day she still considers me the closest friend she has.
If you read all of this, thankyou i do appreciate it, this kind of confusion, this kind of pain, i've never felt it before and i don't like too burden others often with my feelings and problems.
If anybody has some useful tips, advice etc. on this kind of romantic stuff i'd gladly read it