a friend found this place and told me it might be a good idea...idk why im doing this cuz tbh its so far out of my normal comfort zone its not even funny but here it goes
my names mike, and i havent been diagnosed but i have done extensive research and it seems pretty likely that i have aspergers syndrome
i guess to know me you kinda have to start at the beginning
basically i was adopted at birth, i dont know much about my biological parents other than she was raped and a drug addict, my parents once told me there were odd signs before i was even walking really like i wasnt developing like the rest of my siblings did
i had a really hard time as a child, it was almost torture to be at the center of attention and it still is for me, i had a few bullies pretty much all through school even though the later years i had started to push back.
ive always kinda had issues, i had 2 friends all through elementary and middle school, i either wasnt accepted or didnt want anything to do with the rest, i was that kid that sat alone at lunch because i felt more comfortable alone, one time in high school this cute girl clearly trying to be friendly insisted on me sitting with her and her friends after noticing me alone all the time, i almost felt kidnapped. i am an avid gamer, when im home thats usually what im doing, and i tend to get really angry when im inturrupted, even though i can pause, or im not missing anything, i can never figure out why, i just get upset, even if its someone talking to me on steam, which is a quick shift+tab away...
anyways i think i sidetracked there so back on track
when i was very young i was professionally diagnosed with severe ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, the term 'incipient schizophrenia' appears in a early school evaluation i found. ive been through everything from weekly visits to a psychiatrist(multiple actually) to over a year in a residential hospital, followed by several more months in a group home because i was prone to violent outbursts and nothing could help, i would just get rediculously angry for no reason
when i was about 10 my mom suffered a serious case of pneumonia that resulted in her lung collapsing, and a number of other health problems cropped up as a result, some years she was in the hospital for months on end and never out for more than 3-5 months before her health deteriorated again... when i was 21 her illness finally took her after a long hard fought battle and i kinda lost really anyone who knows how to help me with my problems then. my dad i think retreated out of sheer inability to do anything to help, he was around but not really around if that makes any sense, he was really strict, he was a corpsman in vietnam, and had his own demons, mym om told me he was really there early on but as my problems escalated he became more distanced from me.
as far as social life goes, i have one true friend, her names lindsay and shes really kindof an outcast too, also adopted, and probably the closest to a crazy cat lady that ill ever come to meeting(8 cats yo) im not a bad looking guy, i have no real trouble finding um..physical partners, but i cant seem to connect with anyone beyond that, idk if its me or what. i feel that i need help from people who know personally the sort of challenges i face daily, ive largely lost my faith in the 'professionals'...all they wanna do is sell me on some new medication that just came out and the story is always the same, it stops working eventually.
i believe heavily in the power of the human mind, i feel the only real way to improve myself is to do it mentally, and not rely on pills.
for that i need friends who actually know what im talking about.
basically im here to meet similar people and maybe help some others along the way
id like to point out that i have never told anyone this much about me without knowing them a long time, im fairly nervous about it
04 Nov 2012, 2:32 am
