Am I this, or am I that, or am I just me?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello all, I have posted already, but felt I ought to post here. I am confused. I can say that to begin with. I have read about aspergers and I come out with a very high score on all the tests online for aspergers, but I do not know for sure if it is what causes my issues.

I have since childhood has very selective and intense interests...and have spent more time with books than people..or in my imagination. I remember even when I was quite young, spending a lot of time in my room. I have terrible difficulty expressing emotion in any form but writing or typing. I cringe inside if anyone praises me or says anything affectionate to me, or hugs or touches me. I dislike touching anyone else, I do not like the feel of another's skin. I always seem to notice the smallest details when I go somewere, and sometimes just phase out. I cannot cope with a lot of loud noise, and I hate crowds. I get vry dizzy in crowds, and start to panic. I hair pull or fidget a lot when I am very bored, or thinking or anxious etc, but I never saw that as anything more than anxiety. I seem to have little interest in approaching people to get to know them yet at times, I crave affection and to be able to be a part of that world. I read some fiction books, mainly fantasy, but prefer books on whichever interest I have at the time... like recently, it was the Anna Anderson/Anastasia thing, so I went online and looked up all I could about that, and got books on it. But... I do have an understanding of human emotion and I can look people in the eyes ok, I just dont like it when people look me in the eye first. All my emotions are expressed through my poetry.

I spend a hell of a lot of time self analysing...and analysing everything else around me in detail. I am constantly deep in thought, and disturbingly, I am always talking to myself, and sometimes look up to find ive been doing it in public and been seen doing it lol.

But, and here is the big but, I was abused when I was 10, and my mother claims that there is nothing wrong with me and that before that, I was fine, and would hug people and show affection. I dont really remember. I only know that nowadays, and since I was 11, I have had these issues and they have got worse as I have got older. ( I am 31 now)

So, any concensus on this?

that's exactly how one of my friends is, except he has high-functioning autism.

http://wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name ... a4777681f1

Hmm, not read much about that.... I only know that there is much debate out there as to whether there is a distinction between aspergers and hfa. I only know that I dont seem to be as most others seem to be, lol, and I am not sure if it is neurological, or down to my past experiences. I mean, surely if autistic or As you remain unexpressive of emotion throughout, from early childhood? not expressive of emotion when young, then none after a certain age?

You wrote about two distinct issue in your post. One being your concerns regarding Asperger's Syndrome and associated Autistic Specturm Disorders and the second being a traumatic childhood event.

It's my opinion that what happened during your childhood would have had a deep impact on you growing up and the person that you are now. But never forget that such an event can never define who you are.

I take the view that we are all a mixture of different neurological and psychological facets. What I'm trying to say, is that everyone is the way they are - but that they change over time. If you exhibit some symptoms of an Autistic Specturm Disorder, then learn a little more about Autism and see if it makes some part of your life easier. I'd say the same thing about any traumatic childhood events, try and learn a little bit about how a phychologist would help, and how other people have coped in similar situations. Better yet, try and be seen by someone who is qualified in discussing these issues, they'll be able to point the way a lot better.

I do plan on seeing someone about these issues, tho admittedly, I find couunsellors and psychologists and the like a bore. I just assumed, this being a forum for those with aspegers and AS disorders, someone might have some idea if it is worth considering aspergers as a serious possibility. I was never much good at introductions anyways.

Bore dda!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !