I'd like to introduce myself :)

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JN
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 21 Nov 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2

16 Dec 2012, 12:30 pm

Hi,

(I originally posted this message in 'Where in the World Are You' or some similarly named discussion. This is a better place for it, though.)

I joined Wrong Planet a month (or thereabouts) ago and have since read a few discussions and articles and watched some videos. Good stuff. However, I have never introduced myself properly, so here goes:

My name is Jeroen, I am living in Eindhoven (quite a big Dutch city), I was born in '81, live alone (no, wait! with two guinea pigs), am a student (otherwise unemployed), and my main interests are nature, reading and writing (in English, love the language), film, healthy food (organic), music (classical and classic pop and rock and alternative), and politics (libertarian). You can probably see it's difficult for me to find friends in my age group, because it's my impression very few of the new generations show any signs of intelligent thought and I rarely go out, so chances of me finding nice people are slim. When I was in highschool, for example, I kept my mouth shut all day long. I evaded people of my age. I was irregularly made fun of, sometimes in a menacing manner. I always tried to become invisible and, again, evaded people who were likely to bully. I was small for my age and not very ... hairy. In fact, I still look boyish. As I am 31 years of age, this leads to funny situations. I used to hate my body, but now I've come to respect it. While many others are fat, unhealthy, smoke, are boring and loud, I am sleek and healthy and well-mannered, even to rude people, but my sense of sarcasm has been perfected to an art. However, making fun of rude people usually goes waaay over their heads

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the end of 2011. Have always had very few social contacts, usually next to none, and suffer from a severe lack of actual people I can meet and who can understand me. Started dating late in life (2010/2011), though I've always been hoping for 'the right one' and this hoping for or longing was very painful. I still contemplate suicide often and sometimes go to the brink and then have to claw back to regain strength and hope. Actually managed to get into a relationship early in 2012, but after more than half a year I had to get out of it, as there was not enough understanding (IMO) and, shame on me, I got into the relationship because I was pleased that someone was interested. Of course, I respected her and never lied. Was very tough, the breaking up, because I had suddenly lots more social contacts (not always great) in the relationship, but I don't do relationships because they're convenient (you know, more income, more people, regular meals, holiday abroad). I had to quit. At first there was growth, in the end only stagnation and pain pain pain. Problem is I have large difficulties in trying to contact people and long-term contacts are rare for me, with the exception of people I only sometimes chat with on the internet. Because of that, I have regular attacks of depressions. Meeting people usually feels like acting. As I can be terrific at that and sometimes feel good, I can at such times make contacts quite easily, but when the contact becomes more ... about the feeling stuff and knowing what the other feels, then it becomes another story. And people find out I am very odd indeed. My house is like a museum of weird stuff and it's chaotic. Also, I very rarely meet people I find really interesting and vice versa. Neurotypicals in general I find annoying and they make up the most of the population. I know only one other aspie and I dated her once, but there was no physical connection, though otherwise it was very easy to understand each other, because she was direct and honest, so we're still in contact as friends. Neurotypicals seem often to just please themselves and move off when they see greener pasture elsewhere, but I don't want to generalize. It just seems that way to me in many cases.

Anyway, before I get bogged down or sound like an unpleasant person (I have been told many times I am cool, but odd and don't always invest enough in people I already know, like when I am depressed), drop me a line if you have advice or live in the Netherlands, so we can maybe strike up a friendship.

Greets,

Jeroen

PS: I must get another smiley in ...