You poor darling dear. I feel like giving you a hug right now. (I am in a 'full of love' mood, so bear with the excessive sugar) You are so young, so whatever you do, PLEASE don't write yourself off for at least a few more decades.
I was unhappy and only started to find my feet in my late 20's. And I think you are worse off than I was. My dad is wonderful.
My husband is a gorilla though, and my son is oversensitive, and it kills me to watch how that clod hurts him and does not even realize it. He does his best, but is a bit damaged himself. When he was a boy, he endured a lot of physical abuse, so when he says hurtful things to our kids he does not think he is hurting them. After all, he is not bashing them or tying them up or anything. So compared to what he went through, he thinks he is a great dad.He just doesn't get it. I don't think he is capable of getting it either.
Anyhoo, I am indeed sorry that you grew up with a dad that did not make you feel the way you needed to feel.
It is NOT easy to learn to to interact with people if you are the way you say you are. I kind of had to 'train' myself. When someone hurt me, I'd feel tormented for ages. When I did something embarrassing, I'd beat myself up for ages. I then spent time dissecting the experience, try to see it from the other person's point of view, to think what I could have said or done differently, and often, convincing myself that the person in some situations was at fault and not me. I had to learn to believe that they are not perfect either, they screw up also. I learned to focus on my good traits, and to see that some things about me were better than them, even as some things were worse. We are all different and it's OK. Over time, I learned bit by bit. Now I'm generally OK. even though the insecurities sometimes attack me again.
There is nothing wrong with spending your life as a bit of a recluse, with having not too many friends, and not attending a lot of stupid, noisy parties where people engage in moronic self-destructive activities. You don't HAVE to be like everyone else, and it's OK.
You should try to accept and love yourself the way you are.If your dad has a problem with that, then he can deal with coming to terms with that himself, it is his issue. Focus on building a life for yourself that you can deal with, and makes you at peace, and don't worry if it's not like everyone else. It's your life, not theirs. You get one, then you die. You have a say about how it goes from now until then.
We are lucky that we have the internet where we an connect our minds without the problems of dealing with people in person. It is not the same as having actual companionship, but that can cause a lot of stress for some of us. At least we can still learn from each other and feel heard. (sometimes, anyway. some posts get no responses - don't take it personally, there are so many )
23 Jan 2013, 12:15 am
