helpless mom

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I have a daughter that is 20, The best daughter ever(Love both off mine) I did not know about Aspergers until she was diagnosed in 2012, so there were many years that she missed out on extra help.

Now that she is and "Adult" it seems to be getting harder for her and myself, I have tryd taking her to a supportgroup, she wuld not get out of the car, she doesnt seem to really hear any of the suggestions I have for her, noises are really starting to bother her I feel she is getting very lonely without friends. She says she feels like she doesnt belong, and doesnt know were her life is going, and that shes a nothing..

I want to help her, but I dont know what else I can do..

Anyone in this situation??

Welcome to WP!

You need to accept your daughter as she is today. Also, I take it you aren't on the autism spectrum? Your frame of reference is different than hers, which might mean that whatever advice you give her genuinely won't work for her.

Edited to add: There's a "parents of autistic kids" forum that you might want to check out. I've never been there, but I thought I'd point out it's existence.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Im sorry to say that 20 years gone by she has really missed alot. from what I remember I resisted every single thing my mother wanted me to do but she got me into it anyway with a bad attitude.. a few ideas of her's were of course really stupid in hindsight but here is the scoop. you are going to have to drag her kicking and screaming no matter what. there is a intense desire for self preservation in us more so that NTs. support groups is not enough she has to see a psychiatrist, A DAMN GOOD ONE TOO Really research check him/ her out.. ask around confirm his credentials his reputation good and bad and really analyze all that... there is nothing more destructive than a idiot with a pHD because an ego comes with it. and secondly you going to have to drop her dead center in middle of everything in this world. what NTs learn from instinct we have to learn by simple trial failure and error. the only way she may learn anything is s having lessons and consequences of life dropped on her like a ton of bricks. its not pretty but sometimes the best solution only comes when the problem is serious and the is desperate. , at their worst even. what SHE MUST LEARN TO DO IS AVOID THE KIND OF MISTAKES THAT ARE HARD OR damn near IMPOSSIBLE to WALK AWAY From that will ruin then follow, and weigh her down.

ONE THING THAT IS TRUE ABOUT THIS WORLD IS IT WAS NOT MADE FOR HER OR OUR SAKE... IF NOT TO the exclusion of US.

A sweet welcome to WPea!

Hi Diannie,
I am a mom in about your very same boat! My son is 20 and flunked out of college with flying colors. We only discovered the aspergers in 2011 or 2012 and he too has suddenly hit major stumbling blocks. He's been home, unemployed and out of college for a year now.
There is hope - we sure can not do this without counseling though. My son's been going but next week we start family counseling to help us figure this out.
Aspergers kids seem to develop anxiety disorders and my kid was sort of misdiagnosed with that. But hey getting a handle on two things is our first plan of attack now (we have been trying multiple things but we have made headway - he talks much more about it for one).
1. Acknowledge and cope with anxiety
2. Cure the typical aspie inability to self-motive. Aspies lack executive function. The connection or link that we use to say "I better get this do or I'll be in trouble" or "i'm going to kick this work out so I can get to the beach". My son claims he does get link between doing and getting the reward. What he and I are both learning is sometime it's really hard to express what you are feeling - he? ck to know what you are feeling.
Counseling and some anti-depressants. Tell her there are lots of people out there just like her and so there is help! And there are friends too - big group out there. I wish they had summer camps for these college a
Does that help? - Helene