Newbie here...

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I thought I would introduce myself as I am new here and just a bit nervous about even contemplating having Asperger's. So about me... My name is Piper and I am a 30 yr old woman from Northern California and I grew up feeling like I didn't belong or fit in anywhere. My mind works differently than other people such as I seem to remember inconsequential things like phones numbers I call once , credit card numbers, bank account numbers, addresses, license plates, etc. I get weird about certain things like having wrinkles in the sheets under me when I sleep or the seams of my clothes getting twisted around away from where they are supposed to go. I have this weird thing were I can just sit in a room and look around it for a while, focusing on pieces of furniture or the reflection on the window. It relaxes me... my family thinks it weird, but it's just me.

I've always been the type of person that loved being on my own because crowds or even just people in general make me nervous. Since I was a little girl I always had to be forced to go out and talk to people, go to parties and or anything of a social nature. I had this nervousness that just gripped me whenever I had to talk to someone, my words getting jumbled up and caught in my throat as I tired to figure out what to say. Looking a person in the eye, even people I have known for years, even my family, feels strange and I don't want to... it makes me uncomfortable so I try to avoid it, only looking them in the eye rarely to ensure they don't think I'm ignoring them.

I used to have friends that I grew up with tell me that it was annoying how I never wanted to hang out with them, how they had to beg and cajole me to even come out... and my mother was the same way. She used to get so disappointed and sad that I would rather have been in my room reading or writing than being with people and I used to cry and wish that I had something, some condition that explained why I was the way I was. I knew about Autism when I was younger as a young boy in my church was diagnosed with a severe form of autism and in my mind for years I believed that when a person had autism they were like him or at least a lot closer to him than me. It was because of that thought that I went years thinking that I because wasn't like him that I couldn't have autism or have Asperger's. Even now I'm leery of even saying I think maybe I do have it, so I thought I would join this site to try and get some advice about it. I took the AQ test twice and scored a 30 and 32 respectively. I've in the past thought that maybe it was all just a combination of the mild depression I have had on and off since I was a teenager with me just being very shy... but again, the more I read about the condition the more I think it could be Asperger's.

Anyways, really long story short, hi everyone!!

nice too meet you and welcome

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Welcome, Piper

hi, piper. here's a brief test based on the criteria docs use: www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php
welcome to WP.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi Piper.

I like your first paragraph. I could write the same stuff about me.

Seems like the only things that stick in my mind are inconsequential, pointless numbers and facts. Sometimes I think about phone numbers I've had and others numbers. I also worry about seams in my clothes being out of place. I thought about that with my shirt last night.

Welcome.