Nt Feamle spouse trying to wrap my head around My AS husband

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Are there any other women out there that know what it feels like to swing wildly back and forth between being relieved to have found out what is going on to utter and complete dispair as to how did my life take this turn.

Trina

Sorry I'm not quite sure what you mean. Did your husband cheat on you?

no no he has not cheated on me, I am talking about understanding the aspies diagnosis. One day I feel like finally I understand and the next day I am completely bewildered as to how I got into this situation

I am sorry this is all fairly new to me, and I hav'nt quite figured out how to post yet. Only in the past few years Identified my Step- Son as AS and then in the last month gotten the final diagnosis for my Husband, although I knew something was different all along.

Oh right sorry I'm being a bit slow

My husband would totally relate to you. At first he felt relieved that my behavior was down to aspergers, and it wasn't because i was deliberately being difficult or anything that he was doing wrong. However it's very frustrating knowing what's wrong and knowing that it can never be cured, and changing is very hard.

We always try to compromise now whenever a problem occurs, where the both of us give in a little. He'll help me out with the kids more so I don't get so stressed, or arrange a babysitter so we can go out for a meal, and ill make sure I pay extra attention to him when he comes home from work as all he wants is to relax after working hard, or visit him in work as he really likes that.

I assume you got to this point by telling him you love him and agreeing to marry him.

Although I'm female I have ASD and my husband is NT. Frankly even if he weren't AS you still agreed to be his wife and live with him. So honestly perhaps some marriage counseling would help.

I'd suggest not worrying too much about the diagnosis... you liked him enough to marry him before, and he had AS then too. It's not as if he's been replaced by some random stranger just because he's diagnosed now. A person can be good or bad relationship material whether they have AS or not... people without AS aren't necessarily better spouses. I think the feeling of being "completely bewildered as to how I got into this situation" might be more of an issue than the AS diagnosis itself, as it suggests that you may see your relationship as something that has been imposed on you rather than something you participate in.

I read an interesting post earlier with an article by newly diagnosed husband who said the problems were occurring a few years into his marriage as the normal facade he had created had now crumbled away after his wife had been living with him for a while and got to know all his little oddities. You may find it interesting:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt183553.html

No not something that was imposed upon me for certain! I definately Love my Husband and It was my choice to marry him and I am still commited to him.

I think that I am finally really getting a better picture of the original issues. I knew when I first met him something was off and I told myself and friends this won't work out because inside I knew we had issues with communication and I am a deep thinker, and really value deep intellecual emotional connections.
Yet he can be sensitive, considerate and so many other positive qualities. He really is a camilion in certain situations.

My therapist has helped me see I over rode my natural insticts because he was so different that NT men. and His High IQ is extremely attractive to me. Especially since I had just recently lost my first husband of 27 years. My husband had also been widowed so it was a huge connection as well.

He was extremely secretive and I all along thought it was a product of his family being the leave it to beaver family that didn't talk about he real world and real issues, kind of the Ostrich in the sand concept, or families that don't talk about the pink elephant in the middle of the room.

I was way confused as to why the family had not stepped forward to help his then 17 year old son and had just let him flounder in the school systems until he was eventually expelled for refusing to do any of the work that he could pass with out even studying. I had him tested shortly after marrying, and was able to help him get his GED etc, but as soon as he turned 18 and started to hear the diagnosis he completely shut down and associates it with being ret*d, we are hoping that his Dad now having a diag will help him to realise that is not what this is.


I wasn't super familiar with Aspies and I thought that he would learn to trust someone that was authentic and encouraging. But I am slowly coming to the awareness of a Aspies family of Origin and several generations of this is going to be a big hurtle to overcome. But We really are making some positive strides forward.