Greetings and salutations

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Hi all, not sure where to begin.... but I suspect my name is a good a place as any.

My name is Jason and I am here for some answers about myself and my 8yr old son. Currently my wife and I are getting my son assessed for AS and through the process of self education, I have identified a large aspect of my childhood and now adult life that seems to point toward it for myself also. He has also recently been diagnosed with celiacs and I am either gluten sensitive or celiac myself (currently waiting for gastro appointment.) Unfortunately for myself the public health system does not test adults for AS and I can't afford private and therefore for the time being at least have to remain self diagnosed. I have taken the AQ test and the aspie test,
AQ 38
Aspie 112
NT 106
which suggests some of each traits. I feel that this may be slightly off due to being 40 and have learned (somewhat) to cope with life. I am worried that by self diagnosing I am doing what some online "experts" feel is making excuses for myself where in truth I am just a failure.
My big question regarding myself in this is, can an someone be an Aspie if they do not characteristically meet the typical " fixation, and therefore excelling at, a hobby or area of interest?" I find that everything I fixate on, I self sabotage out of fear of needing to be better or do more, and consequently stress, fail and give up on. I was raised in the eyes of a father that I could never please and now, still, seek approval and feel that I am not "good enough" So in a nutshell, can I be an Aspie if I am either of average intelligence and not able to excel, have been raised to fail and give up even on my passions, or simply not have the trait?

Thank you for listening
Jason

Welcome! The autism spectrum is basically a bucket containing a large group of symptoms. Asperger's Syndrome is a bit like ordering a meal in a Chinese restaurant - you pick a couple of items from one list, then some others from another list, and in the end, it all has to add up to some sort of serious impact on your life. FYI, sometime around May, Asperger's Syndrome will no longer exist as a formal diagnosis. Rather, although symptoms will get rolled up into the "Autism Spectrum", where they are already, but there will be no separate diagnosis. Sometimes, items in the autism bucket can almost be contradictory. For instance, one of the most common symptoms is an avoidant gaze, where the person with Asperger's can maintain eye contact with another individual. However, in my case, I have the so-called "direct eye gaze." I tend to look directly into someone's eyes and cannot detect when they're uncomfortable with that. In regard to your parenting by your father, I've noticed that autistic traits are often exacerbated environmentally. For instance, a person who is born with some level of ADHD might be scolded and traumatized being told such things as "you never finish anything" or "you're a quitter" leading to the moralization and perhaps hysteria responses. Personally, I'm convinced that many of the characteristics diagnosticians and therapists fundamentally attribute to autism are actually things that are commonly produced environmentally. That is, as a result of negative and destructive social interaction. As you explore this site, you'll find there is actually a parenting discussion section. I looked through that, but since I'm not a parent, I usually don't participate. I think it's great that you are jumping into this while your child is still young. Good luck!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome! I'm here for reasons that are similar to yours. I have a son who will be 5 in May that has been diagnosed with severe combined type ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and is currently being evaluated for Autism. Almost all of his behaviors that are being used as diagnostic criteria are ones that I have had my whole life. I'm confused as to where the distinctions lie between aspie and non-aspie, gifted (I strongly dislike that term) and aspie, severe ADHD and mild aspie, and so on. I'm also confused as to why there is a need by society to fit people into neatly labeled disorders, versus simply accepting that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and working to lessen the impact of said weaknesses when the need arises. However, I'm lost as to why the majority social norms exist, so I'm sure there is a benefit to the whole "diagnose the child" procedure that I'm missing. Maybe my issue is with the word "disorder." When I was a child I was eccentric, bright, and "lost in my own world." That description felt almost poetic, and helped coast me over the daily bullying at school. I worry that my son will have an even more negative self image than I did, especially in regards to the visibility of the IEP.

I apologize for going on a tangent on your introduction. I'm excited to see someone else is trying to figure out the same things I am. I was concerned I was the only one hashing out the exact degrees of symptoms and such. The professionals I've been dealing with are only making it more confusing since none of them agree with each other.

The subjects of eye contact, pretend play, empathy, as well as the question of eventual ability to adapt to social situations are all very vexing. They are all so subjective!

Anyway, if you want to describe your concerns or questions (at great or minor lengths ) I would enjoy reading them. I am no expert on this, but I am certainly able to compare notes.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!