Hi, I'm a 25 year old college student from Portugal, here's a thread to share a bit about myself with you guys!
I've known about this site for a while now but only now decided to join - Out of fear of using confirmation bias to auto-diagnose Asperger's or HFA I suppose. I've always had difficulties with socializing and my communication skills are really sub par compared to my mathematics and logic abilities. I tend to be a bit overly formal, specially when I don't know how to act or what to say when I'm interacting with other people, which happens too often for my liking. As long as I can remember I felt like I was missing something - I've read posts from people here with Asperger's/Autism that recognized that they are wired differently but otherwise feel complete, I wish I felt the same.
Phrasing what I want to say feels like fishing with my bare hands to the point where unless I've mentally prepared beforehand, I occasionally get the order and pronunciation of the words wrong. I also have trouble hearing speech when there is background noise or other ongoing conversations but otherwise my hearing is fine.
Some years ago, might be over 5 now, I remember having trouble looking people in the eye - and when I did I'd feel my neck lock up. Since then I've been able to successfully force myself to look people in the eye with satisfying success but it did not come natural to me.
On a somewhat more positive note I do not think I have any sort of stimming and I think I empathize with my friends and colleagues well enough, so I guess that rules the stricter definition of Asperger's out.
I also used to be heavily interested in particular videogames (1 at a time) so much that I'd think about and strategize for them during classes or family gatherings (I didn't say much anyway). Right now I do not have any special interest (the sequels to my favorite games being disappointing might have been a good reason) which honestly has left me feeling a bit empty. On the plus side, this has given me more mental time for my studies and physical fitness and I've never been in better shape in my life!
My name means "[I] Persevere" in Portuguese, it's a sort of reminder of the personal revolution I went through at 23 years and a half - Accept who I am and do my best. Be friendly and nice to those around me even if I can't really connect with them (still working on the best way of asserting myself in order to not become a doormat though). Before then I tended to give up too easily and lied to myself about not caring that I was voluntarily & involuntarily isolating myself.
My avatar is Dr. King Schultz from the Django Unchained movie and he is basically the incarnation of the person I wish I could become - A charming and much more articulate version of myself.
My non-obsessive interests include movies, fantasy and sci-fi books (finished reading the Wheel of Time series a month ago) and hard rock / metal. I like to describe my range as everything between Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Soul to Squeeze" and Mastodon's "Iron Tusk". There are several bands of which I only appreciate half of their songs, like Trivium and Machine Head (my friends love 'em).
I guess I should end my introduction on why I decided to finally join: A few months ago I pushed a beautiful, smart and funny girl away from me with my awkwardness and anxiety. I'm determined not to let that happen again, now that I have a chance with another one (although I could be reading the signals wrong). I don't need a diagnosis to know that something is very different about me but I still want to learn how to cope.
Cheers!
26 Mar 2013, 6:41 pm
