Hey everyone, 24yr old newb here

Post Reply New Topic

Hey peeps I've been on and off with this site since I found it, and wanted to introduce myself. I'm 24 male from Wisconsin US born and raised. I've never been diagnosed with an ASD but have been treated for other mental health issues throughout my life even a few inpatient and residential centers for lengthy stays. I've struggled most of my life just trying to find my place in this society, somewhere safe and sound maybe even productive. I'm stuck somewhere between a desire to have stable employment and a materialistically fueled lifestyle, just like everyone else, and a temptation to end it all before I become anything remotely similar to those mindless corporate drones. I use drugs regularly, I don't work full time, I'm not going to school or striving to make a name for myself, I could care less how I par compared to others, I think money is a joke, I hate any kind of censorship and more importantly I despise any kind of government, I engage in (self)destructive behavior, I think most people devote their lives fulfilling someone else's dreams with out even realizing it, I am definitely misanthropist, I binge eat and starve myself, I act out of impulse, all together I've probably spent a couple years in jail, I love nature and spending my time outdoors, I love my dogs and most of all I love my family more then life it self.

I don't know what exactly it is or why I've changed so much in the last few years, but I've been in a pretty dark place the last few years and it's progressively getting darker. Everyone keeps reassuring me it's just depression and I'm going through a tough stage in life that will pass but I truly believe it's much bigger then that. I have got this feeling in my gut that the problem isn't only in my head but more so I believe the problem is a worldwide one. It seems like everyone I know is at the end of their rope and are just fighting to keep their last grip. This thought turned into a belief recently when my very successful aunt made an attempt to end her life. Less then a week ago my aunt and my moms only sister made the decision to end her life by taking a entire bottle of zanax and drinking as much whiskey as she could. She had just completed school and got her doctorate in psychology. Her husband is an engineer for an oil company and because of his work they had to move to Australia a year ago.

I was completely shocked when I heard my aunt was unresponsive in the hospital, I never thought this was something that she could even consider. I am still really angry because my mom (her sister) are extremely close and she is one of the few people my mom is close with, and she was completely devastated when she heard about this. My mom is also struggling with depression to the point of being suicidal and I fear that if my aunt would have been successful my mom would also become so desperate as to take her own life.

My mom flew out to Australia to be with my aunt two days following the news and left me in charge of her entire business for the next 2-3 weeks until she returns. I am completely overwhelmed and am afraid I won't have it in me to fill her position both as a mom and as a business owner. This business is the only thing keeping us afloat and just knowing that I have been given that burden without choice is hard enough, without putting thought into why all this happened in the first place. I feel bad because now I realize 1st hand how hard my mom works to keep this family together and I know she is much stronger then me, and I don't feel I've been as appreciative as I should have been.

Aww man sorry I didn't really plan on writing about all of that drama in my life right now, but I guess this situation is what brought me to this site. I don't really know what I'm looking to get out of this either, maybe just a little support maybe just someone to tell me "yes the world is about to crash and burn pretty soon, and reality is about to disintegrate" honestly that second choice feels strangely comforting

Welcome, Mr. Danger2OneSelf. Your narrative is touching. May your aunt find the peace of the eternal void. Are all your drugs by prescription?

I'm glad your aunt is still alive. And I'm glad your mom is able to be there with her when she needs her.

Okay, hi, anyone who loves their dogs and loves their family most of all definitely has some potential. So, you're going through big, difficult issues, all the same, you are a worthwhile person with all kinds of potential. I think among the better possibilities is a job/career/vocation with something medical related and thereby directly helping people, or entrepreneurism something you're proud of and creating jobs and treating your people quite a bit better than average. And I'm going to throw you a curve ball. I wouldn't worry about drugs, I wouldn't obsess about it in either a good way or not. I mean, a lot of people like John Keats have used drugs, down to modern day rock stars. Of course, may be more creating art in spite and not because of it. Or maybe a third factor, like a very strong desire to explore the world, and a question of whether a cul-de-sac or an open field. I've studied some buddhism and some zen. And a little bit of buddhism goes a long way. And maybe it's the same with drugs, a little bit of drugs goes a long way.

I have struggled with depression, maybe not as seriously as other people, but what it is, seriously for me. I have not yet tried antidepressants but they are kind of my ace in the hole. What I've read, something like zoloft might work great for some people but not do a thing for others, and no doctor in the world can predict in advance. In a very respectable sense, it is trial and error. Typically takes four to eight weeks to tell (Cymbalta and Wellbutrin are other possibilities). And also, it's often important to come down from the medication in steps even if the damn thing doesn't seem to be working. I say all this, because it sounds like it is a possibility that chemical imbalances run in your family.

With you being responsible for the business. I have been a manager of a photocopy center, a boutique mattress store, and a seasonal tax prep office. If I was taking over a new business, the first thing I might do is an approximate inventory (go quick and fast, get the big things, be approximately correct), do it matter-of-factly, just to keep honest people honest, I'm just doing my job. This kind of attitude and approach. This is to protect your mom's interests and the rest of the family. That, and delegate broadly but still be engaged and be present a goodly amount of the time. I'll be happy to tell you more if you're interested. And, on the question of more middle class jobs for all of us, I really think there are political battles to be fought and won.

Rather than count on more middle-class jobs to reduce Aspie poverty, I'd say refraining from making babies should be the primary priority...because who wants to give life to something which will just grow up poor, misunderstood, and generally disliked by most people? Heck, many users of this forum are just here to make one-way statements and not to engage in actual, you know, DIALOGUE.

What are your thoughts on the level of true social interaction on the WP forums? To encourage a response, I'll say something contrarian like, "I don't expect anyone to respond to that question because it's being asked on WP."

Sweet greetings to WPea



From Mick and Peahawk