Hello from Illinois.

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I'm 29, married, and a mother of one child and three birds. Until recently, I thought I was neurotypical but "quirky." Throughout my adult life, people have asked me if I might be an Aspie, but because I was tested in early childhood for general autism and recognized that the happy faces were happy and the sad faces were sad, I was diagnosed as neurotypical but suffering from trauma. I didn't know much about Asperger's, of course. In retrospect, the reasons I overheard as a child as explanations for my alleged normalcy were a bit preposterous--I laugh at jokes, I am very verbal, I seek the approval of my peers, etc. As if being on the spectrum indicates a complete absence of humor!

Since then, a lot has happened to demonstrate the limits of those childhood tests. I was let go from a job a few years ago because my "deliberate walk" annoyed my boss, even though I was recently promoted after excellent client feedback. I lost a friend who was hurt that I seemed to care more about my birds than about her feelings. In college, I put off the other students by correcting them and didn't understand why they were so irritated for quite some time. I have an unfortunate pattern of offending people and not understanding why until it's too late. I always "get it" after the fact and feel terrible once my error is explained to me. The latest example of this was especially bad.

Somewhere along the line, I took a test. Then another test, and another. They were all high scores. Only then did I start to research Asperger's/high functioning autism spectrum disorders and, to my surprise, I felt like I was reading a description of my life.

I suppose I must be very high functioning for it to have gone undiagnosed despite years of cognitive behavioral therapy for mild OCD, GAD, episodes of depression and suspected low-grade PTSD. I am not sure if I should "do" anything about it. At this point in my life, my main concern is for my daughter.

While I am very good with young children and animals, at a certain age I start having problems relating with people and understanding their expectations of me. My child and I are very close right now, but I am worried about the future. When she reaches whatever age it is going to be, I don't want to upset and hurt her the way I seem to do with many other people. I don't want her to grow up wondering if her mother loves her, and I don't want her to hate me as an adult. I don't want to expose her to danger because I failed to recognize somebody's ill intentions, as I have so often failed to do for myself. There is nothing in the world more precious to me than my little girl. I would like to talk with other parents here, so we can help each other do the best we can for our children.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome velocirapture. I am new here as well and located in Iowa. I am a female in my thirties and understand exactly what you are saying. I am awaiting a formal diagnosis but all of the self tests I have taken as well as my own personal research indicate a high probability of Asperger Syndrome. I do not have children and am no longer able to due to a hysterectomy in early January, but do have a 5 year old niece who I am especially close to. I can relate to your history; when I first heard the term Asperger Syndrome and researched it I too felt as if I had an epiphany and was reading a description of my experiences. I have summoned up the courage to seek out a therapist for the first time in my life and thus far have received encouragement and understanding of who I am under the façade, which is something I'm not sure how to feel about yet. I regret I cannot help you with the topic of parenting advice, but would love to converse with you on the similarities we seem to possess. I have almost no female friends and not much luck with friends of the female persuasion but hope this can change here at Wrong Planet. Welcome again!

~FeyAngel

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!