Hello everybody, here is my story. [warning long post]

Post Reply New Topic

Good day to all:
I am not really sure how to write an introduction like this (this is my first big online post) but i wanted to first start off by thanking everyone ahead of time for being patient with me as i try to turn my thoughts into words.

I am a 23 year old male who has undiagnosed Asperger's/asd.

I was born and adopted in california in 1989 and ended up moveing all around the country as i grew up (my adoptive dad had multiple job changes).

for as far back as i can remember, i have always felt and been labeled as 'different'. for years i had problems makeing friends and communicating with people.

When i was young and in elementery school, my teachers thought that i had adhd (one of my teachers used to put a piece of folded poster card around my desk so i couldnt see or talk to anybody-it used to make me really mad). My mom wouldnt put me on medicine even though my school wanted her to.

i had a lot of problems through my school years, i used to get in trouble all the time and was often picked on by other people because i was 'weird'. As a kid i never had a lot of friends and was often a loner.

i often had (and still have) shut downs whenever i had to be really close to other people or if it was too loud or bright for me.

i got through grade school, struggled through high school (my parents got a devorce and my older sister left home ) and even got through 1 and a half years of college before dropping out because of personal issues (was going through really bad depression and lost my job because of a breakdown i had at work)

it wasnt till i lost my job, dropped out of college, lost my only 2 best friends, and was commited to a psych hospital (another breakdown) before i realized that i needed help.

when in was in the hospital, they had me take a bunch of surveys and asked me a lot of questions and the doctor said she thought i was on the spectrum. they wanted to refer me to another hospital to get an official diagnosis but i never went because of money issues and im afraid of going to the doctor.

After i got out of there, i started doing a lot of reading and research online and at the library (with the help of my ex-fiance who was very supportive for a while). while researching, i noticed a lot of things in common between things i was reading and memories i remember from my past (as well as things other people have told me about me). i started to discover that hundreds and thousands of confusing memories i had all made sense and were all connected like a big spider web. i felt like the 22 years i had lived that made no sense all of a sudden was explained to me.

i realized only after the fact that most of the friendships i either lost or never made was because the way that thoughts go through my head is different than other people. lots of things that make sense to me dont make sense to other people.

the best way i can say it is that i feel like there is invisible energy that other people can see and communicate with that i cant. kinda like how an am/fm radio cant recieve shortwave, but a multimode radio can.

i currently am working for a small company that puts in cash register systems in major fast food stores around the country. fortunately my boss is aware of my situation, and is very good about helping me make accomodations.

i am very interested in computers (networking and linux-type systems) and also have a big interest in working on cars. i memorize and keep a mental database of engine codes, specifications, and other technical information relating to cars.

i look at the world through the eyes of a young child. other people tell me i act like a kid-i sit on my feet and spin around in my chair constantly. i tiptoe when i walk and cant look at people in the eyes. i have plushies that keep me company and play with my (really big) collection of toy cars and stuffed animals. when im not working i am usually playing because in the world i live in everything (even random objects) has human like feelings. i can turn any random object into a toy of some kind with my imagination. i carry small toys and objects in my pockets all the time and feel worried if i leave my house without them.

i have a very high sensitivity to textures (like cloths and eating certain foods). lights can sometimes seem really bright to me, and other times, it hurts when people touch me on my skin. i cant always tell when im hungry or tired until i feel like i am about to fall asleep from no energy.

i am high functioning in the sense that i can take care of most things myself (but i still need some help doing other things). i can keep my job and can live on my own for the most part. i dont go out a whole lot (i am afraid of people in general) i am clumsy with my hands and forget a lot of things (like when people tell me to do something and i forget). so for the most part i live in my own world where noone can get mad at me for doing something 'wrong'.

anyways, thank you for listening to my story. it is very hard for me to talk to people (but it is easier to type what i feel then tell it to people with my voice). i have never really gotten a chance to explain my story to someone who can understand, and i am hoping that what i manage to write makes sense.

i have a lot to learn about living in a world full of people that think different from me, and i am hoping that maybe i can learn more from all the people like me on here.

thank you again for taking the time to read my story.

-kddi

Hello, from a fellow 1989-er, who also moved frequently as a kid. Your post has caused me to wonder if the moving might be a major reason for why diagnosis was missed. So often, I've heard that it is teachers, people in schools, who will notice that something is "off" with a child, and recommend evaluation. But, for people like us, who never spent enough time in one school system for the people there to get to know us, our behaviors, habits, quirks, well enough to want to recommend evaluation, I think that diagnosis must be missed often. (I am also self diagnosed, but feel that, since I've come to the realization that Asperger's is likely, I've come to make sense of a huge portion of my life.)

I'd say that you're so lucky to have an employer who is willing to work with you, and understands what will make your job more manageable.

and, welcome!

Perhaps that's why I was never diagnosed. I never stayed in a school district for more than 1 or two years at a time...

Thank you for posting kddi. I just joined hoping to get some insight about understanding my 20 year old son with Asperger's. Your story hit home for me especially the school years and his difficulty in holding a job. He too is technically undiagnosed, I don't think Asperger's was really known back then when he was young. I am trying to get him to join this website so he can connect with people like him and learn about himself. I read your post to him and he listened, I'm hoping your story gets him to join in on the conversation. Good luck with everything, I hope life is good for you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

thank you to all of you who took the time to read my post and reply.

please forgive me for the long delay in responding-posting is very difficult for me to get my words out and it takes me a long time to get it right.

i think it is very likely my diagnosis might have been missed due to the constant moveing around as a kid.

my dad was ex army and worked for jonson and jonson. Most of the time he was on trips for his work and i never really got to see him. his job sent him enough places that we ended up moveing a lot with him. iv'e lived in 5 different states and ended up moveing 8 times.

i dont really know how many schools i ended up going to but i do know that i moved schools a lot. i know that a lot of the schools told my mom that they thought i had adhd and wanted me on medicine but my mom didnt know much about it and told them no.

when i was in grade school (i think 2nd grade) they put cardboard around my desk for the w hole year. i remember i got made fun of by other kids a lot for this.

i was put in an AE classses (assisted education is what they called it i think) when i was in 4th 5th and 6th grade. the teachers there were good and i got to make friends with other kids like me. after 6th grade we moved towns again and i was put into regular classes with normal kids (i came in at half way through the year)

6th grade and past that was very hard for me because kids get meaner as they get older. i used to get bullied by other kids until at least 8th grade when i moved away again.

i went to part of my high school in florida and the rest of it in texas. i had a lot of learning problems in high school, probably more than any other part of my school years. my parents got a devorce when i was in 9th grade and my sister left home. (she is adopted too and is not like me at all)
so it was just me and my mom.

honestly i would have to agree with yall that a big reason diagnosises are missed are because of things like moveing schools and such.

thankfully i have a good job right now, my boss is only a little more older than me and is very understanding about the things i need (he has a brother with special needs). it still took me a long time to get here though. just like i had problems learning and makeing friends in school, i had a lot of problems in some of my other jobs. i have lost more then one job due to my bad social skills and memory.

i really think people would be more understanding to us if they were more aware of what autism is and how it makes some people different.

i look at each day i wake up and still breath as a blessing. i have hit the bottom of the barrel more than once and had i not had some really good people to help me, i might not even be here typeing this now.

thank you for everyone who has responded. it really feels good to be able to talk and feel like theres someone who really understands.

-kddi

Good to see you here, kddi, and thank you for your exposition.