Could I be an Aspie??? Opinions?

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Hi everyone!

I'm a 23 year old girl who is new to the whole idea that she might have mild Asperger's. It's ironic in a way, (but maybe it actually fits) that my "special interest" and career path is actually working with individuals with autism and other developmental disabilities. Before I even thought I had might be somewhere on the spectrum I became obsessed (and still am) with learning everything I can about ASD. I worked at summer camp for individuals of all ages on the spectrum for several years, and I'll actually be pursuing a master's in Occupational Therapy starting this fall.

That being said, I'm very familiar with the the qualities of individuals with autism, both diagnostically and simply from meeting and interacting with a wide variety of individuals from all over the spectrum. However, I never thought they might apply to myself until a couple of months ago, when my roommate (who is also very familiar with autism) started pointing out various oddities and strange things that I do, which are somewhat characteristic of someone on the spectrum.

A little bit of history: In childhood, I was always an extremely shy and socially awkward child, except around my family and a few close friends that I knew very well. My parents would probably describe me as somewhat precocious--I was an early reader and loved to learn facts--and chatter on and on about certain subjects. My mom remembers me as a pretty serious and studious infant--I was always watching and observing people, and I had a slow-to-warm up temperament. Although I demanded attention from my parents at times, I was also always prone to playing by myself. I often talked to myself, and had a very rich imaginary world. I had ear infections as an infant, and was somewhat delayed in my speech until I got tubes put in, and my mom recalls it seems like I went from pointing to speaking in sentences overnight.

I can remember feeling very socially awkward in school as a child. I either didn't speak to my peers at all, or if I did it was to talk about specific topics and facts. I can remember mostly wanting the other kids to leave me alone. I also was somewhat of a "know-it all". In first grade I got in trouble for laughing at other kids when they got the wrong answer--and I did not realize this was rude until my teacher took me aside and had to explain to me how I was making the other kids feel. I remember being horrified that I had made someone else upset, because I just thought of it as something funny because--they got the answer wrong--and wasn't that so silly?!? I was only able to really understand when she phrased it like this "If you said the wrong answer, how would YOU feel if everyone was laughing at YOU". Still, to this day, I have trouble understanding what other people might be feeling unless I relate it back to how I might feel if I was in their situation.

This changed somewhat as I got slightly older--I tended to latch on to a specific set of peers--in my earliest years it was only boys, but slowly has changed to only girls. In fact, I still have trouble relating to boys now other than my brothers. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade, while also being put in the gifted class because of my reading and verbal skills. Apparently my teacher thought I might have some MR because I never played attention in class (I was always playing "families" with my pencils and erasers) and only realized I was actually very smart when we had to do a reading assignment and I apparently scored quite above grade level. I just never saw a reason to pay attention unless I was interested in what we were learning, and that was only science or anything to do with reading.

I'll jump back to the present now, and I guess I will lump traits of myself into two categories--why I think I might have asperger's and why I think I might not, or that it might not be diagnosable.
Aspie Traits:
I think intelligence wise, I have a pretty typical profile of an a lot of Aspie's--extremely high verbal IQ, low processing speed (50 percent of typical individual with my intelligence), low spatial and mathematical reasoning when compared to my verbal. I was once told that I scored "off the charts" with my verbal ability to imitate the writing patterns of others, to the point where I verbatim filled in several sentences from a text that I had never read before simply based on inferring what the author might say from the rest of the writing.

I have a strong connection to words and letters, to the point where I have some letters that I love and some that I can't stand. Apparently, "what's your favorite/least favorite letter?" is not a common question. I'm also obsessed with words, and spelling of words, particularly names. One of the first things I want to know about people is how to spell their name--apparently this is not a common desire either. Also, when people talk, I tend to see the words visually running across my mind, like the beginning of Stat Wars movies. Specific words that are pertinent to the conversation tend to jump out at me from my "mind page". I also have a great memory for facts and words, and I have been able to nearly word for word expunge textbook information on a test given enough time. Anything written--I love it and I can remember it.


I also have somewhat odd mannerisms and body postures. I've been told I walk very strangely--"like a duck" or "like I'm limping" when I'm actually not at all. I don't do any kind of noticeable stimming, but I do tend to wring my hands together or touch my face often when I'm stressed (in a good way or bad way). My eye contact is decent, but sometimes it slips. I also realized occasionally I forget to look at people or address them when I'm talking to them. I have trouble regulating my voice volume when I get excited and I have some sensory sensitivities. For instance, I am extremely adverse to the feeling of "dry skin" even when my skin is not actually dry. I am constantly putting lotion on my hands and clenching my fists to keep them somewhat clammy because any other state than this feels very dry.

I am slightly dyspraxic as well. I am very clumsy and and executive functioning is NOT my forte. Motor planning and sequencing is difficult. I don't have trouble doing most daily activities, things just take me a little longer and I tend to do sequenced steps in very illogical ways.

In terms of rigidity and routine, I certainly have a "special interest" but it's not excessive, just noticeably "nerdy". I love anything having to do with science, specifically medicine, specifically psychology, and specifically autism. I like routines and have some adherence to them, but I'm not extremely perturbed when there are changes or when routines are broken. Just slightly, depending on the specific routine.

Socially and communication wise, I have some slight abnormalities as well. These aren't things I have noticed, but that other people have picked up on. I apparently can go on excessively about a topic I'm interested in, and I have a tendency to hyper focus on seemingly obscure details of a conversation. I tend to take things a little too literally, although I can understand non-literal jokes and sayings, I have to be in the right mindset (expecting it) or sometimes it just takes me a little longer. I also do this thing with jokes where I "get" the joke, but I often feel the need to comment on why it's "not true" or "doesn't make sense". People often say, no--it's a joke! And I get that, but I still feel a need to overexplain the joke if you will, because that's what I find funny about it. I enjoy humor and jokes that are more literal, and are more like commentaries on things that actually exist. I am often unaware and have a hard time processing social situations, especially when they deal with multiple people in an "up in space environment". Apparently I do things that are considered "rude" simply because I'm not aware of social norms regarding personal space, movement of foot traffic, etc. In small group conversations I can function more normally, but it all gets lost when there is so much going on. I'm a very unaware person, and I always thought that was just do to my ADHD. I think that is part of it, but I'm starting to wonder if part of it is autism as well.

Non Aspie traits:

The main reason why I'm questioning whether or not I'm a true Aspie is because none of the above mentioned things have caused me too much stress throughout my life. I have always felt "different", especially when I was a kid, but now I feel like a fit in and I'm accepted. People just think of me as "quirky" or "weird" or "that's just Elisabeth". I have not really had too much trouble in school after getting testing accommodations I needed, and I have never had trouble holding down a job or functioning in normal society. I have never had a real romantic relationship though, partly because I'm not interested and partly because I find it too stressful to navigate. I do lots of volunteering though and though my social life is not busy my many people's standards, it's enough for me and I'm very happy with who I am and what I do.

I do have some very nice neurotypical social skills and ways of relating to people, but I'm starting to question if these came naturally or if I learned them by observation as a child without noticing what I was doing. I've never had a problem making friends--I have never wanted very many friends and was always a social outlier, but I have consistently had a few close friendships throughout my life. I can be extremely empathetic and I do have a good ability to read faces and tones of voice. I even tested above several of my definitely NT friends on an "eye reading" test that I believe someone posted on here. However, when asked to describe the process by which I go about these social skills, I think it might be more learned than natural. When looking at facial expressions for example, specifically worded passages that describe a facial expression come to my mind. They aren't from any particular book I can remember, but they seem to have a "bookish" feel to them. I have started realizing that my understanding of social skills can be somewhat "rule based" and that I "miss the point". Once I learn the rules and have examples then I can understand, but it takes me awhile.

When I was reading about girls with Asperger's, I think it said often times girls can "pass" for neurotypical with social skills but it's stressful and all learned from reading and observing. I think this might be true for me. Meeting new people and being in formal social settings or social settings in which my role is not clear (like at an art gallery opening) tend to stress me out. I will usually make up an excuse to go hide in a bathroom, or I will simply have to leave. I don't like unstructured conversation with people I don't know, unless I am in a familiar setting and have a clearly defined role. However, I can easily make small talk one-on-one and in general I think I'm able to make a good impression. I relate much more easily to children, but I do get along with adults and enjoy talking to them, though I need to recharge after meeting someone new. Or even someone that I only know a little bit well.

I don't have any sort of flat affect or facial expression at all. I'd say I'm pretty typical in that respect. I also don't usually tend to say the wrong thing, I just interpret information the wrong way sometimes. I also have a lot of anxiety to and tend to worry excessively about if I have "bothered" someone, because I've come to realize I don't always know when I annoy people.

Anyways...I think that's enough for now!! Sorry it's so long! If anyone wants to read and respond if they have similar experiences or has any ideas about what might or might not being going on with me it would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to some hopefully very helpful and insightful feedback.

Thanks!

Elisabeth

It is possible, but no one online can tell you for sure. I've heard that usually if you suspect you're Aspie, then you probably are! Have you taken any of the online tests? (AQ, etc?)

Females often present differently than males, especially with using social skills. I have a very expressive voice & face, and pretty darn good communication skills, and manage to "pass" as NT most of the time. A person has to spend a lot of time around me to start noticing my quirks, but I am indeed Aspie (just got officially diagnosed one week ago at age 35!!)

Hi Elisabeth

I am diagnosed with Aspergers. Looking at one of your last paragraphs, I tend to interpret information the wrong way. I also tend to worry too much if I have bothered someone by what I have said. I too don't always know when I annoy people.

You also wrote about having a great memory for facts and words. Me too.

So, in my opinion, you could have some asperger traits.

Hey Elisabeth,

welcome to WP!
I'm in much the same place as you are (except you're probably much better informed) and have similar doubts and questions.
My mode of operation at the moment is
a.) find out all I can
b.) try not to overinterpret 'weird' things I do
c.) try not to find things I do that might fit the criteria
d.) note down facts about myself and my childhood and correlate them to what my parents and friends say.

Note that I'm being cautious and not mentioning the spectrum just yet in order to avoid the incredulous "You? Of course you don't have autism!" from people who know even less than I do about the topic, but I've been looking through old diaries, asking my parents questions about my childhood, etc.

I agree with Snake_Eyes and SPtread that no-one online will be able to tell you for sure, but I also understand the need to know as much as possible before thinking about an official diagnosis.

Sorry, going off on a tangent. What I meant to say -- welcome, and enjoy your stay!