To be or not to be?

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Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 6

22 Jun 2013, 10:48 pm

Do I have mild Aspergers?

Sorry if this post had been post to much but I’m just need a conformation whether I got AS or not so I have a gut to see the psychiatrist without being scold down for wasting their time LOL . So here is my story~~
Ps: Before this story begin, I need to tell you that I was diagnosed of having epilepsy when I was 8 years old and cured from it when I was 18. I having this due to having a penny size scar at the front right of my brain. My mom used to say that when she called my name I’m late at responding to them and I don’t cry when I been left out by myself when I was a toddler. I’m 2.8kg when I was born and been admitted to ward 8 days due to having a fever. I’m quite passive when I was a child and rarely cried.

I didn’t remember about my childhood experience, it’s quite blurry. All I can remember is before I entered primary school, I make a quite few friends around the neighborhood , play with my cousin like tagging, play with doll and some other few game that kids love to play. Now that i think about it I like mimicking what other kids do like if they play doll i wanna play doll too and etc. As much I remember I don’t have any trouble in school when I was in 1, 2 and 3 grade. It just that I’m making less friends than my other friend and I still mimic what they do in order to fit in. The trouble start when I enter 4,5,6 grade. I been left out, I started to wonder why is hard for me to make friends. I do succeed making 2@3 friends but it didn’t last long. They kept distant for me and friends with someone else. Maybe they thought I’m quite plain, boring and too quiet for them. I’m felling more lost when i entered sixth grade. People in my classroom completely ignore me, I felt like they all hate me and every time i go to school i felt like I’m entering hell, the heart ache, the suffer for being left out and other dreadful feeling. Due not having friend with my classmate I end up making friend with second grade students :wink: they more fun to hang out with. I have weak antibody when I was a child (due to having epilepsy) so i tend to sick a lot. If I have a minor stomach ache in the morning, I use that as an excuse for not going to school (even though I can bear with the pain, it’s not really that bad). There were once that I have a fever, I not going to school nearly a week, when I going to school again no one in the class ask anything about it except some teachers :cry: . This awful thing continue until i finish my elementary school.

In secondary school, things got better, I met a few nice people that willing to be friend with me. There are ups and downs. My social skill get itsy bitsy better but I’m always been making fun by people now and then (still do now) and being taking advantage of like if people ask me to help him @ her i don’t know that he @ she is taking advantage of me (I can’t said no if people asking for help) but when I do know the truth (when my friend said it of course) I’m became paranoid about giving people helps (and still do unless with people I trust). I do take literally sometime but not always, and about understand a joke urmm… i don’t know, can give a valid answer for that, maybe I do sometime. Im quite naïve, shy and always do thing wrongly, I’m quite a slow learner. My friend used to say I’m kept repeating the same thing (she is the ONLY one who give that comment so I’m not so sure whether or not I’m like repeating what I say). I do have tendency to says something that are cross in my mind without knowing its rude or not (ex: I used to say to my friend that he need to wear braces because he have protruding upper without knowing it’s the rude thing to say to people. It doesn’t happen a lot know when I’m adult but some words slipped from my mouth if I not careful). I have average academic score and average IQ. Don’t excel in sport but neither I’m bad on it. I do have clumsy attitude (lost balance, stumble, fall down) but I can ride a bike like normal people can and I do have driving license (though I’m fail at first try). I obsess with cats since I was a kid and always will. I don’t understand my feeling very well for example people see me giving a scared expression but i don’t felt scared inside. I don’t like answering a called that doesn’t register in my phone, prefer solitude quite place but will interact with people if needed. I can tolerable with changes if it give benefits to me. If don’t well… I will get irritated about it (like postpone some event that I really like to participate) I like organizing stuff in MY order. I tend to move someone shoes if it was placed in my shoes spot . I don’t like to veggie because of its taste and the ‘weird’ feeling I get when you chew that thing. I have sensitive hearing, touch (doesn’t like poking and soft touch its freaking annoying) and sight but average in smell (but I like the smell of rubber though I make a so so eye contact and tend to see people teeth if it’s to ‘white’ hehehehe. Ohh and I throw tantrum sometime with cursing and stomping my feet but mostly cursing ( it’s quite childish I know but I can’t help it. it’s the only way I can release my anger). I always stubborn and hard temper, doesn’t really like to listen to people advice including my mother.

Now I’m 20 years old female and taking my degrees in education (not my choice). My social skill is a lot better now but I’m bad in making speeches or presentation (I became so anxious, I can’t even talk properly and felt suicidal when every presentation end). People still tease me and making fun of me, still hard to make friend, felt like i have limited use of vocabulary and subject stored in my brain. I don’t do good in math and science but im good in literature and other ‘artsy’ stuff. Still felt left out and doesn’t do good in social interaction @ situation. There are so many thing I want to tell you about myself but it will be too long now doesn’t it? So that’s it about me. What do think? Sorry for the long post and broken English and thank you for your time ~~

And here is my aspie quiz report

Your Aspie score: 132 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 84 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Other obsession: thriller/horror/weird/disturbing movies, random facts, horror music, micro expression and body language...