Aspergers, Inattentive ADHD or something else?

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Hi everyone! I just joined this forum after months of worrying that I might have aspergers but I must admit that I'm not quite sure if I truly belong here.I definitely have many symptoms of aspergers but they all seem to me very mild and I think I have some other problems too.What confuses me is that some of symptoms are similar to those of ADHD in girls which describes me well minus some bigger problems in school.Other thing is that I had a pretty difficult childhood so it can contribute to some social difficulties in aspergers as well.

My parents were pretty young when they had me and they broke up months after my birth after short but turbulent relationship.They were both irresponsible and rebellious and definitely not ready for a child.My mom was probably just trying to annoy her strict, conservative mother with my dad who was goth musician or something.She never had friends with small children and I was mostly with her and her 20-year-old friends and 40-year-old lovers hanging out in restaurants and bars.Later she hired a nanny.I visited my dad and his parents every second weekend.She also NEVER cooked anything but spaghetti and hot dogs.She would just give me a box of candy and put me in front of TV so I wouldn't bother her(btw my dentist tought that all my teeth are going to fall off) and she got me out of preschool year and a half before school (it's legal but not recommended in my country).She moved to Germany due to some legal and finsncial problems shortly after and left me with my dad and grandparents who took me to numerous test and interviews in which doctors told me that I won't be able to keep up with regular school.Luckily, my dad believed in me and my abilities.Sorry if you found this long and annoying but I think it must be relevant.So, lets finally get to the symptoms.

I always seemed extremely shy.I was a kid clinging to my favourite kindergarten teacher and avoiding every contact with other children.I must highlight that I had a weird phobia of birds and feathers as long as I can remember so everyone always made fun of me and threw feathers at me which probably made me terrified of kids.However, I loved older and younger children and adults because they made me feel safe.My mum says that I always threw myself at people that I liked and was willing to play and joke.I was easy to rationalize with and didn't make many problems.But I did have some quirks like not eating everything (I loved hot dogs, soup, bread, some fruit, potatos in every way and all kinds of candy-now I eat lot more things but I'm still reluctant to try new stuff if they sound weird but I'm not sure if that's sensory issue thing or just out of spite which wouldn't be unusual gor me).I also liked my clothes to be tight fitting and all buttons buttoned and I always wore socks (except to the beach).Those problems got solved pretty easily but not by my mother, of course.

When I started school all my teachers knew my situation and were surprised by how polite and bright I was.Their only complaint was me not socialising and ocassional remark about inattentivnes and forgetfulness (I have always been all dreamy, pacing around and thinking, skipping tasks, rewriting wrong numbers in math and so on and I'm still like that but it has never caused me any trouble bigger than few points less on tests).I never spoke up, even if I knew the answer and when asked something I had to be 100% sure to answer and now I'm nothing like that and I'd rather say something dumb than nothing.When I started middle school I was still painfully shy but I developed some social consciousness.My classmates didn't isolate me but I kind of isolated myself although I didn't actually have anything smarter to do than hang out with them and that still hasn't changed (I'm 18).

I want them to want to be my friend but at the same time I don't really like them.I want to be rich, beautiful and successful but am not sure if I really want it.Everyone annoys me.I find people who like me lame and hate people who don't and actually want everyone to admire and envy me from safe distance so I can pull them out of my toy box when it suits me and put them back when it gets dangerous but I do get nervous and depressed when I'm not around people for a while.I'm always sad and irritable around weekends because I have zero real interests except for psychology and different disorders which is self destructive, at least to me.I don't really wan't to read about it but something just pulls me in and then I can't get out and get depressed till I can talk to someone.I am also very jealous, proud and stubborn and I'm very aware of it and proud of it.I find my worst traits to be my best while still realising they really aren't.I think I can read people well and even manipulate them (I always know how someone will react, read expressions and especially tone of voice, I don't think I piss off people unintentionally, ect.but I don't really care, I only care what they think).For example, when my friends bunny died and she cried whole day long I tought she was stupid and didn't know what to do because crying with her would make me look too sensitive and ignoring her would be rude so I tried to just comfort her for a minute and then say something funny but unrelated to cheer her up and make her stop talking about it.I never had a relationship because I don't like anybody because they don't meet my standards and I feel like nobody really feels in love for long time.I know I would be extremely jealous if my boyfriend ever look at someone else and nothing could ever measure up to my expectations.I also have a habit of playing devil's advocate in really stupid situations and say things just to see reactions and unlike some aspies I can lie good enough for people to believe me and I'm proud of my lies.

I know those things are actually opposite of aspergers and are symptoms of narcissistic PD but could they be just defense mechanisms.Like I don't want to be sweet, naive and dreamy little girl I used to be and now I'm just overcompensating? Because I know I can be VERY auto suggestive and can make myself believe anything but others have big influence on me too.It's like I sometimes make myself have some symptoms(if I'm depressed at the moment I'll think I have all aspergers symptoms and I will make it my identity and if I'm feeling good I 'll think I'm total opposite.You could say that I really need a label to be happy with myself.I can't just be me, I must be somethin or have something to tell me who I am.I know some parts sound weird but I hope you can help me.And I apologize if the post is hard to read but I'm writing on my mobile phone and I can't find stuff.And I forgot to say that I sometimes get the urge to walk or just move, like in class.I usually don't pay attention but I think I could if I really wanted to and I don't stimm, at least not more than NT would because I noticed that others in school tap their pencils snd twirl their hair all the time and I just take a walk home and I'm fine.And people who talk slowly annoy me and I shouldn't interrupt them.And I don't have motor skill problems but when I was little I was so fearful that I couldn't even jump but when dad took me I learned how to ride a bike and rollerskating quickly and could always catch and throw normally (I think).I hold my pen kind of weird but that could be because I write with my left hand but I do plenty of other things with my right.

Not sure about everyone else, but I went into complete sensory overload trying to read your post.
The lack of spaces just did my head in.
I recommend if you want to write without getting some of us too frustrated to bear with your writing that you put your writing into paragraphs, so we can come up for breath.

I too have complications with my self diagnosed Asperger's. My parents were somewhat older than yours, but I was the eldest child, both my parents were the youngest in their family, and they were unable to develop any meaningful relationship with me.
I strongly suspect my father is on the spectrum, but his eccentricities and quirks were tolerated, whereas I was told it was okay for my father to behave like that because he was my father, but I had to "toe the line".

In my case that meant that my differences, meltdowns, difficulty communicating my emotions, and lack of interest in others, and resistance to displays of affection were seen as rebelliousness, or bad behaviour, when in fact they were caused - and are caused by - neurological differences in my brain function.

Long story short, I'm getting diagnosed, but my family are no longer part of my life.
I'd rather they were here to support me as I find acceptance in my diagnosis, but they have never been there for me emotionally when I needed them before, and in fact only ridicule, abuse, and undermine me, so it's more a case of avoiding what I don't want than not having what I'd prefer when it comes to interaction with them.

You're not alone!

Hope this helps!

Thanks Bovary,

I've had a better read of your story now, and have to say you look pretty much like an Aspie to me.
You may have other symptoms, and like many of us, may have developed some coping or compensatory strategies, so you don't meet the "tick all the boxes" diagnosis of behavioural symptoms, but that just shows you pay attention and mimic the behaviour of others to fit in as best as you can.

It really is up to you whether or not to pursue a diagnosis; but I would say if you want to, and if you feel your condition is making your life more difficult than just the situation of your upbringing and environment it would be better to seek diagnosis sooner than later.
In my case I literally self diagnosed with Asperger's a couple of years ago, after feeling different my whole life.
Yesterday I finally found a psychologist that specialises in Asperger's and Autism, and she was satisfied enough from my test results and a lengthy interview with her to diagnose me with Asperger's.

I am 41 years old, and in my life I have had many struggles, contributed to and exacerbated by the failure of others - including my family - to accept me as an individual, and accept my quirks and eccentricities.
In my case the symptoms and difficulties I face on a daily basis very much closely mirror my father, yet his behaviour, eccentricities, and moods are tolerated, and accepted as "that's just your father". When I display the same I am deemed irresponsible, immature, moody, and badly behaved - this was the case until I ceased all contact with my parents - they simply never accepted that whatever my differences I am an adult and do not need or deserve their criticism of my character and behaviour - of which I have limited control.

So if like me you have difficulty in life, feel the odds are stacked against you, and that you need a label or diagnosis to help you accept yourself, explain your difference, and find your niche in life, by all means seek a diagnosis and don't stop knocking on doors and asking the questions until you are satisfied with the answer - even if the answer isn't exactly what you hoped for.
Don't be surprised though if you have to deal with many who say your symptoms aren't obvious, you cope too well, or you don't present as a classic "person on the spectrum".
The differences with people on the spectrum and neurological, the behaviour is impacted by this, but that is controllable to an extend, depending on the severity of your ASD.
What is not controllable is the difference in the way your mind/brain/body operate, your other "Aspie characteristics", and the way you feel.
If it bothers you and you need closure get diagnosed, but it's only a step on the way to finding a better life so don't expect it will automatically open the door to an easier life, if anything it will show you the door was there , but you'll need some help to unlock that door.

Thanks Bovary! It's much easier to read now.

I'm not in any way qualified to say "sounds like you got it" or no, but from what you're posting, I think you'd probably benefit from psychoneurological assessment. Whether it's an ASD or something else, it's clearly making life harder for you -- and if a diagnosis or even 'just' a formal assessment might get you help (or even just give you peace of mind), then I can't see anything wrong with that.

I find that often, people who are qualified to recognise ASD in adults also have qualifications for diagnosing ADHD in adults. The reverse is not always true, but maybe just try to find someone who does ASD assessments in your area and go from there?