What to do when you can't get a diagnosis?

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Hi going slightly crazy, I'm a mum of an ASD kid with another close on his heels. In my research and journey with them it's hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm on the spectrum.

The catch is I can't get a diagnosis as I come across as too normal to asses. Anyone who knows me picks it right away but I'm not going to be myself with anyone outside of my circle.

Anyone else out there in a similar situation? I don't want to waste precious family resources proving a point but somehow just knowing dosent feel like enough. I guess I'm so used to not fitting in the idea of finally finding similar people is just to foreign and I need to prove it first.

Seriously messing with my poor ol head here.

Thnx

I was much the same until I got my diagnosis on Friday.
I'd suspected for some time, had read up on it, mentioned it to a few doctors and psychologists even a psychiatrist; all of whom said I presented as too normal to be on the spectrum.
Obviously there is a huge gap between how you act - to be accepted and fit in which you learn as an adaptation - versus how you feel inside, which is alienated, lost, lonely, and misunderstood.

The solution for me was to persevere, keep reading up and accumulating as many books on the subject as I could and do as many online tests as I felt comfortable doing.
I also obviously found this site, which was a great help.

I am, and from the sound of it you are too, one of the "invisible aspies".
We appear normal on the surface, but only people that really know us - friends, family, loved ones, - know the struggles we face.

What you need to do is find someone that specialises in ASD, not just a psychologist or psychiatrist, and certainly not a GP.
You mention the A word to someone who is only vaguely familiar with it, or only used to dealing with kids or the already diagnosed, and you'll at best get a blank expression, at worst realise they will no longer be any help to you.
I gave up on 4 psychologists before I found one that could assist, all whilst dealing with depression, anxiety, grief, and a mother in law with dementia; who is in denial about it.

Have a look at websites that have links to Tony Atwood, or go to his website and check out any psychologists that have links on his website.
Failing that google ASD; whatever you do don't give up.
Also when you do get diagnosed, make sure you have plenty of support available.
Knowing you are on the spectrum and having the diagnosis does make a difference, and the reaction you have to this may surprise you. In my case I went into a rapid downward spiral of depression, and had my wife not taken time off work to care for me anything could have happened.

It will all work out in the end, but look after yourself first and make sure you're in a safe place, emotionally, intellectually and physically before you make the step of getting diagnosed.
It's only proving what you already know, but the reality will hit even harder after diagnosis than it did when you found out for yourself.

I am lucky to be an Australian and did look into Tony Attwoods clinic in Brisbane - even found a psyc starting up in Sydney that had trained with him. I'm just not sure the $1200 price tag is worth it.

I guess it's one of those things that knowledge is power. Might explain more about me and my life in the long run.

Thank you for replying, nice to know I'm not the only invisible one.