n00b

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Hey there! I'm Bree - writer, student, wife, Austinite, and new mom - and I'm incredibly pleased to have found this community. My husband was diagnosed with high-functioning autism as a child and realized as an adult that his symptoms are consistent with Asperger's.

I wouldn't necessarily identify myself as neurotypical, as I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but it's been challenging to connect with my husband because I have a hard time understanding how Asperger's influences his life and actions. I'm sorry to say that I didn't start researching autism until earlier this year (we've been together 4 years), but since having our daughter it's become important to me to learn more about where he's coming from so that we can parent as a team.

I'm particularly interested in how I can support him emotionally as he works on anger management techniques, which has been a major source of tension due to my BPD - I constantly feel attacked, and he constantly feels that he can't express his emotions without upsetting me. I'm hoping that this community will be willing to help me learn how I can best support my spouse without reducing myself to a doormat.

hiya Bree welcome to the club
a good way to get the visceral emotion tamped down a few notches, would be if you agreed to hash out your differences via a "Roberts rules of order" type of quasi-debate system. either that or write out your thoughts one thought at a time, on pieces of paper and exchange papers. the writing-out process will force your frontal lobes to take precedence over the more emotional parts of your brain and the slowness of the writing process will let your thoughts arrange themselves more deliberately and orderly-like. do this for a while until you both [or at least your hubby] calms down enough and learns how to speak deliberately and not emotionally/histrionically. just my 2-cents worth, adjusted for inflation.

Thanks for the welcome! I love that idea; it sounds like a great way for us to open up the lines of communication while learning to identify and control our emotional responses. Thank you so much!!

praying for you both

ur a ch00b