I was diagnosed with autism (not Aspergers) when I was little, though if I were diagnosed today, it would be Aspergers. I have a full-time job, but only because I was hired as a favor to my dad. They know at work that I'm autistic; I can tell that some people are told late, by the way they first find me creepy (what, are we the Uncanny Valley?) then later warm up and act nice. It is, I must say, a nice warm place to work, though it's also low-paying, and I'd like to switch to a computer-related job that pays more and is more in line with my interests.
I'm trying to make money on the side playing the stock market. It's, in general, working pretty well. I admit I freak out when it plummets downwards, but I've made money more than I lost in it.
Anyway... I have a problem. Everyone I've ever known in elementary, middle and high school has drifted away. I was never close to anyone, and I have no friends. Even the people I talk to online aren't on often enough that I can talk to them much. And it's pretty clear that I'm not close to them.
I realize that it also doesn't help that I don't have much to talk about and have a hard time "connecting" with people. Things were somehow easier in elementary school when we goofed around.
I'm okay with talking to people outside my age group (I'm 32). One of the Aspies I encountered online was 15 when I met her, now 18, and while she pops on once every few weeks with enormously long mails, I wish I could talk to her on a chat program or something. I also tend to relate better to females than males, for some reason, despite having a number of "male" interests (video games, tech). It might be emotional. You know our kind tends to violate gender norms with impunity.
I do some creative stuff on the side, like a comic (I am not allowed to post URLs) that I write on deviantART and pay someone else to draw. It's the sort of story that I'm most interested in. I just never got into the "normal" nerd stuff like sci-fi. While I like some comics, zero of them have to do with superheroes.
I am also working out (with help from my brother). I used to be able to benchpress 180 pounds. I stopped. Now it's coming back. It would be nice to at least look good, though I doubt it will solve my problems with connecting with people. My brother says it will raise my self-esteem and that will help.
06 Nov 2013, 8:13 pm
