where do I go from here?

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I joined this comm a couple of weeks ago kind of on a whim. Not taking it all that terribly seriously at the time, though I admit even then I was a little weirded out by all the parallels between things that I thought were unique to me and characteristics of AS. I checked out the handy-dandy test and scored high-ish, but not significantly so. I spazzed a bit about things but more or less have carried on as normal.

Lately, though, I got to wondering if maybe I'd misjudged this whole thing, and perhaps was seeing things which simply weren't there. I decided to go and take the test again, this time with greater attention and concentration, and I strove to be as accurate as possible.

I scored 20 points higher.

I'm not making this post because I put a lot of stock in do-it-yourself tests. I'm making it because even in the brief time I've been here, I've found an appalling number of things (like the thread about phone messages, of all things) which up until now I'd always thought were simply and fundamentally deep flaws in my being.

That is, I've always thought there was something wrong with me. Such to the degree that I've gone out of my way to developed mechanisms (some exceedingly complex and detailed) which allow me to function in the world and remain upright and breathing (ex: if I don't work for a living, I starve to death, etc). And at the core of all these complicated psychological gymnastics has been this basic sense, sown back when I was a child and couldn't fit in, that fault and the flaw is in me and, therefore, I'm basically a bad person.

Now I find that this may not be so. So I need advice. What should I do? Should I seriously consider pursuing a dx? I fear that my coping mechanisms may be so well-developed that I'd be laughed out of the room, honestly. I'd like some words of wisdom from some older folks--in my age range, late 20s to 30s, or up, who have been dx'd, and can give me some insight into how having knowledge of being Aspie has affected their life and sense of self.

Please help! This is so huge, so monumental, so earth-shaking that I honestly don't know how to proceed. Because as frightened as I am that I might be given a diagnosis, what scares me more is that I might not, and instead all my fears will be confirmed--that I'm just flawed, and fundamentally broken, that I should have been normal and that my inability to do all the things people take for granted is really my fault.

I just don't think I could deal with that a second time. Not after being given this one, singular hope. What do I do?

Welcome to WP! I am 27 years old, diagnosed when I was 16. Being an Aspie has affected mainly making friends/establishing romantic relationships. AS has not really affected any other aspect of my life.

Tim

I've been here a while, but thanks for the welcome .

How has the knowing affected the forming of relationships? I basically lack that ability--almost 30 over here and never been in a romantic relationship, kissed anyone, and haven't had friends outside of work or school for over 15 years. Personally I don't think being diagnosed would change that, but I do feel that it would take the pressure off to try to go on pretending to be someone I'm not, and let me not go on feeling that it's just 'cause I'm a freak and need to try harder.

As far as how it has affected relationships, it's mainly an issue of not knowing certain signals that are needed in a relationship. I rapidly learned those signals after my first relationship (she was a total jerk and cheated on me). The biggest obstacle for me is not knowing whether a mate is truthful, or if she's just stringing me along.

Tim

Greetings.

I'm Gamester. aka Sir Ninja. Aka John.

I'm the res board psych anaylst/therapist/councilor you name it.

I'm an AS/NT Borderliner. diagnosed in 4th/5th grade. I'm currently a freshman in college. with a major in English Lit.

I'm a wedding photographer, as well as other things. in other words, though I have no training, I could be a body guard if I wanted to.

What should you do ! !! You should go outside on moonlit nights, and wait for the mothership to return and pick you up. (Just like all the rest of us do ! !)

And while you are waiting patiently for the mothership, try to learn well how to fit into the NTs mundane society and then rejoice

for Aspies do not have anything wrong with them. We are just like everyone else, only a tad wierder. And frequently weird in that we operate on a higher plane. . .nearer to that mothership.

Welcome to WP

Seriously, I've worked my butt off to learn how to fit in...it's reached a point now where I function very well, and am capable of being self-sufficient and, to a degree, working a sort-of real job and stuff. That's all good, though I still am a loner and lack the capacity to form close interpersonal relationships, etc...but I'm cool with that. What's bugging me now is that this thing has suddenly gone from being just a whimsical idea to something concrete and real, and it's a little bit of a metaphysical brick to the head. Whammo! Suddenly everything I thought about my place in the world has the potential to change. That's a little mind-blowing.

Somebody chucked a brick at me, and I think it was me...

I don't know, in the end, if I'll pursue a dx or not. Frankly, I'm just scared to find out the truth. Brrr...*shudders*