Looking for answers - Asperger's or something else?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

This is my first post here. I found this forum after looking for more information on Asperger's or similar conditions. I've had a lot of questions about myself and at 46, still don't have all of the answers I'm looking for. I don't expect definitive answers here, but maybe some guidance if possible?

I haven't found a place here yet where I can get testing done, but there are a lot of things about myself that seem to fit. I did do one self-test so far, from a clinical book on Aspergers/Autism. It showed that I am very much left-brained. I answered 81 out of 100 questions positive for that, with a final score of 62A. I also showed a Mellilo Adult Hemispheric Imbalance. As for specific traits, there is a long list, including:

- socially awkward my whole life, especially romantically with women
- repeating words or phrases in my mind when I was younger until it "felt right"
- sometimes repeating or arranging things now until it "feels right"
- need to be organized, including sorting things by colour, type, etc. including socks, bills in my wallet, etc.
- very focused on space / astronomy as a kid, and I still do freelance writing about that now; gave detailed class presentations as early as grade four
- focused and detail-oriented, but can also be distracted easily sometimes
- have always felt different / geeky, etc.
- sometimes told by people that I'm different somehow or have odd mannerisms
- hyperactive as a child, even talked too much, but now am more withdrawn and shy and have problems with depression and anxiety
- can talk easily about what I'm familiar with, but anything else, no, and sometimes I just shut down
- not always good at eye contact
- very sensitive to loud or repetitive noise which I find irritating
- like sticking to routines
- don't like sudden or unexpected change, need to know what's happening
- like to stick to rules, feel irritated when others don't
- diagnosis of OCD a few years ago
- more "techie" than people-oriented
- often show little or no emotion, but sometimes a lot when suddenly triggered by something negative
- feel things very deeply but hard to express it
- feel empathy but hard to express it sometimes
- can often seem or appear expressionless even if I have strong feelings
- slower than average talker, rather monotone voice as I've been told
- very good at writing, problem solving, tech stuff but a lousy communicator
- excelled in English and art in school
- generally get sarcasm, but miss some other social cues
- prolonged gaze sometimes as I've been told
- physically clumsy sometimes
- usually feel more comfortable "in my own head"

Other things that maybe are related or not (from what I've read):

- premature birth (about two weeks)
- low birth weight
- colour blindness
- left eye stronger, and my right eyelid is heavier or tends to droop more for some reason

I don't know if I'm actually an Aspie, but it would seem to explain a lot of things about me. I wasn't diagnosed early on, because Aspergers wasn't (I don't think) known about much if at all when I was born (1966). Most people seem to like me ok, (although I don't trust people easily) but I've also been treated horribly by others, such as in places I've worked or even strangers. I know I'm intelligent but feel stupid half the time and have been treated as such sometimes.

I'm also a fan of both The Big Bang Theory and Community, and feel like I can relate to Sheldon and Abed a bit.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, I'd appreciate it, thanks!

Paul

Hi Paul, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

And Welcome whether you're Aspie or merely Aspie-lite, Spectrum-friendly, something like that.

My own informal definition of Asperger's-Autism Spectrum is as follows:

1) sensory issues,

2) intense intellectual and/or artistic interests,

3) patchy social skills, perhaps awkward in some areas although good in others,

4) stimming, and

5) (maybe) meltdowns.

=================

Now, a lot of what you say sounds like the intense interests and the patchy social skills. You do say "very sensitive to loud or repetitive noise," which is in the sensory issue realm. And the eye contact, for me, if I'm listening intently, eye contact takes away from that concentration.

Stimming is something I think is good and healthy and something which I wish we as a society lightened up about. I mean, baseball players stim on national TV during the World Series for crying out loud. And not because they don't care about the game, but just the opposite, to maintain concentration, to deal with stress, etc.

So, taking a long rhythmic walk can be one method of stimming, it is for me. Fiddling with a pen while talking on the phone is another common method.

Now, some methods of stimming are embarrassing, and so be it. And I'm all in favor of trying to teach children less embarrassing, less noticeable methods of stimming. But it's not all or nothing. For example, if a child occasionally waves or flaps his or her hands when excited, I think that's okay. If the child does it all the time, that's more of a problem.

Meltdowns is an area I have a little more of a question about. I will sometimes let a current injustice remind me of a past injustice and rapidly rub the back of my neck as I experience anger flashs or fantasies of revenge. I'm not proud of this, but so be it. I think these might constitute mini-meltdowns, but I'm not sure.

I am self-diagnosised, generally comfortably so. I'm a few years older than you, and about the only help I got in school was lousy speech therapy.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

And regarding stimming, I sometimes twist or squeeze a favorite soft T-shirt as I imagine scenes from sports or action movies. And I might also make sounds like grunts or fighting sounds. Yes, this is embarrassing. And yes, I only do this in private.

In fact, a session of writing, stimming, bouncing from one room to another, talking to myself a little in the bathroom mirror, back more writing, can make for a very productive session. At least on the creative side. I might later want to review it, but then I later like to review most of what I write.

And probably most people, whether on the spectrum or not, have a weird side and like to occasionally do weird things.

Thanks for the input and the welcomes.

I don't really do anything that would be considered stimming I don't think but I have had meltdowns a couple of times. Things like the noise sensitivity seem to have worsened as I got older. For example, in an older grocery store close to where I used to live, they had a speaker system where they would announce something along with a code number, and often it would be repeated several times over, only seconds apart. It wasn't the volume so much but the repetition that I couldn't stand. But loud, prolonged noise can have the same affect on me, I think more than the average person. I am the most comfortable when I am at my computer writing.

I too often find that a current hurtful incident or whatever will immediately remind me of past ones, and then I dwell on it too much.

Most or maybe even all of these problems or quirks tend to be socially, sensory or emotionally related rather than a question of intelligence (I hope), which is what interested me about AS or something related. What I've read also is that the traits can vary widely from person to person.

Last edited by psa on 26 Nov 2013, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to Wrong Planet !

I am fairly recently diagnosed. If knowing for sure is important to you, I would just advise to do a bit of online research to find a professional in your area that has experience and/or specialty in ASD. Otherwise, participating here on WP and doing some reading and other research on your own may well provide you with whatever guidance you seek.

Best wishes !

I have read that, too. And this also seems to be illustrated here at Wrong Planet, that our traits can vary rather widely.

This bothers me, too. I think in large part because it's disengaged, it's slopsville. Repeating it two times should be plenty, more than that it's just idiotic. (back in 1992, I worked at Kroger and they had these repetitive commercials that seemingly looped every 90 minutes, and it really bothered me a lot)

Kind of as an artist, what goes into my head is important. Other people apparently don't feel the same way.

When I was a child and teenager, I used to think I was smarter than most people, and plus my mom would tell me this. And that was why people were not interested in neat topics. In my 20s, I began thinking of myself as an artist type person.

Now these days, I really try. Other people are plenty smart, just smart in their own way. Even though that may not always strictlly be true, I try and act on that. And in addition to the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum being kind of a conceptual whole which explains part of myself, it also helps to explain other people! It's okay to be neurotypical, and it's okay not to be.

Something I forgot to mention before is that I also have a quirky tendency to associate things by colour, day, etc. I like to wear certain colours (at least in part) on certain days, such as blue on Saturdays, yellow on Sundays and / or Wednesdays and brown, grey or black on Mondays and Fridays. Bit more whatever on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Same goes for food, such as anything with blueberries on Saturdays and I have to have lemon danish, yogurt or eggs, lemon tea and some kind of cheese or pasta dinner or Hawaiian pizza on Sundays and / or Wednesdays. Weird, right?

Actually the color thing fits in around here. Not so weird at all.
So do the noise issues. I find I can't go near the meat coolers at the closest grocery store anymore because for the last three months the fans have been grinding against something under all that product. I tried to tell the manager, I've even asked other customers if they can hear it. No-one else seems to hear it (or at least not as clearly as I do).

Alot of the stuff in your list fits.
Mind you, neither I not many on this site are diagnosticians.. poke around and feel the place out. If you feel you fit, then you do.

One of the fun threads to look up is the "you might be an Aspie if" (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt2614.html) thread.
If you can get thru the whole thing in under three sittings, you might be an Aspie