Hello and Help

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Hello all, my name is Michael

I do not have aspergers, but I have a friend who has been diagnosed with it.

Also, if this is the wrong spot for this post, please feel free to move it.

He has been my friend for the past 4-5 years, however it seems it is becoming more difficult for me to connect with him. we argue or upset each other far more often than usual, and be it that he is changing in some way, or me becoming impatient. I can't say exactly what it is.

The biggest issue for me is that often he will say or do something quite rude, but when I confront him about it he doesn't say he doesn't understand why it was rude, but instead tells me I'm being petty, or silly. For example, we were playing games together on my computer, it was a single player game, so we were taking turns. Usually one of us plays and the other watches, switching every hour or so, depending on the activity. All of the sudden, he grabs the mouse from me, pushes my chair aside and takes over. I tell him that it was rude to grab the mouse from my hand and that I was a little upset, and it was only a little. His response is that I shouldn't be upset and that I'm being silly. The marginalization/dismissal of my feelings did really upset me. His response is the same, that I shouldn't be upset and am being silly.

Am I taking it too personally? I have already forgiven him. This may sound like stereotyping so please correct me if I'm wrong, but I forgive him more because I know his aspergers makes it hard for him to empathize with others.

Another issue is that I can't seem to empathize with him. Usually I'm really good at it, I can sense what other people are feeling very well, even strangers. But with my friend its like when Sherlock looks at a naked Irene Adler in the series with Benedict, and all he sees is "??????"

I worry about him, he rarely leaves the house, and when he does, he needs me to come and get him, even to come visit my house (we are a 15 minute walk away from each other.) he says that he gets lonely and bored on his way here. I know I'm his only friend IRL, he has lots of online friends, which I suppose is fine, but he has on many occasions told me I'm his only real friend.

I don't know what to do, I know friends get mad at each other every so often, but I'm worried that its hurting our friendship. I don't know whether to give him special treatment, because of his aspergers, if such treatment is even needed, or to just treat him like I would any other close friend.

Again I apologize if this post in the wrong spot.

AS or no AS, there's no excuse for being a jackass and you shouldn't put up with it. If his parents didn't teach him how to behave like a civilized human being, he'll have to learn the hard way by losing friends, or as it seems many undisciplined Aspergians do, spend his entire life blaming others for the fallout from his own bad behavior. It's up to you how long you decide to put up with it.

I think you should talk to him again, make sure that you've got his undivided attention, and explain that you get hurt when he dismisses your feelings and that that can hurt your friendship, just like you said in your post.

I'm an aspie and I have been guilty of pushing people away when I didn't mean to. I really tried to help my arrogance but it just seemed to slip out from time to time. In all honesty, I didn't think the other person took me seriously. I guess not. I think I've pushed relationships to the brink and beyond so people run away from me. I don't beat myself up for it because that kind of communication deficit is at the very heart of the criteria for autism. The most I can do is learn from it and try not to be so overbearing or caustic or whatever I was again.

thank you everyone for your input.

I suppose I should start being less forgiving about the way he treats me. I always thought it was because of his AS that he was a jackass, my dad was the same way, they just didn't get that they were being rude. But I suppose that's no excuse. And no, I doubt his parents taught him anything.