So here I go, first post after lurking for a while. The first time in years that the real me has spoken – I can do it on a web forum, wish I could do it to someone in person!
I’m 54. I first heard of Asperger’s about ten years ago and immediately thought ‘that’s me!'. I’ve never really had a friend, only school and work acquaintances. Sometimes I’ve made myself go to social occasions, but I never know what to say to people. As a child I was called ‘standoffish’. No relatives, except three cousins with whom I’ve had no contact for years. My general view of the world is that of a brightly-lit house, inside which other people carry on their lives. I’m outside, looking in through the windows. I’d like to get inside, but I don’t know how.
I’ve done an on line Aspergers test which gives the threshold positive score as 32. I got 38.
I’m high-functioning, with a science degree and a professional qualification, and have done well at work. I’ve been in the same job for 33 years as I don’t like change, and have achieved a fairly senior position. The job is a big part of my life, but retirement looms – what will I do then?
What do I want? I like to think of myself as alone, rather than lonely. [Am I kidding myself?] But I’d like to have some social contacts and some self-esteem. Someone to talk to. Maybe even a support network – I’m very aware that there’s nobody to look after my animals if I’m ill, or to do little electrical and plumbing jobs around the house. Every time I’ve employed anybody I’ve been ripped off.
I know that friendship isn’t a one-way thing [it says so in books!] and I’d like to offer something, if only I knew what there might be about me that anyone else would find interesting.
So, that’s it for my first try at breaking out of the shell I’ve built around myself. Are there any groups in NE England?
13 Feb 2013, 8:37 am
