Seeking adult NT children of Aspies

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Hi, I joined this site about a week ago and have learned so much. Thanks to all of you for being so open and friendly here.

I'm an NT. About 6 months ago, what with all the media attention on AS, I realized quickly that my father is a textbook (albeit mild) case. I mentioned it to my sister, and she said "Oh, yeah, I've known for years that Dad has Asperger's."

Although he has not been diagnosed (and I'm not even sure whether to mention my suspicions to him or my mother), I've been researching AS and it makes so many things about my past "fit together." There is so much that I blamed my father for, so much that I've been angry with him about, and now I realize that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help it. And yet, forgiving him doesn't change the fact that I was raised by a man who couldn't connect emotionally with me, who had terrible meltdowns, and who (it seemed to me) cared about his routine more than he cared about my welfare. The impact on my own (non-existent) romantic life has been devastating.

I'm itching to find other NT adults who know or suspect that one or both of their parents has Asperger's. Just to exchange stories and observations . . . to know I'm not alone, that I'm not crazy, that the things that made my father different, and often quite difficult (and also special in some ways), were not in my imagination. Our parents didn't have the advantages of early intervention -- most, I would guess, are unaware that they have a problem with a name -- and so we were brought up under influences that the current generation of children with AS will be able to confront more constructively.

I'm thinking about starting a Yahoo group. If you are in this category and want to join, please send me an email at childrenofas at gmail dot com. I'll see how many people are interested, and either start a Yahoo group or -- if I may be so bold -- try to convince the organizers of WrongPlanet to start a forum for children of Aspies.

Hoping to hear from at least one other person soon . . .

C.

Children with AS, you say? Look no further!

Welcome to WP! I'm actually unable to help you in your quest/search/thing, but I'm here nonetheless!

Yes, I am definitely the child of an AS father. Like you, he was very mildly affected, but affected nonetheless. He's actually quite a wonderful man, but he did like to keep things stirred up (especially about politics), didn't do well socially, and has been difficult for my mother to live with, even though she loves him. I also think that my father-in-law is an Aspie. No wonder my boys have AS -- they got a double-whammy in the gene pool!

Kris

Kris-

Thanks for responding.

Does your father know that he has AS? If so, did he figure out himself that he has a problem and seek a diagnosis, or did someone else in the family initiate it?

I'd like to "vent" a little about my dad, but feel uncomfortable doing so on a public forum. He is my dad, after all. Could we correspond off-forum?

C.

Oh, and I'm fascinated by your description of your parents' marriage. Mine are the same way. My father has made my mother's life miserable, but she says she loves him. I don't understand why they haven't gotten divorced years ago. Over the years they've knit together this incredibly dysfunctional way of relating that THEY say they are happy with, probably becuase each of them would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship. And I'm like "if this is a happy marriage, then I'm never getting married!"

C.

ChildOfAS,

As much as I am offended by your post I can also relate. I am an AS adult who had early intervention however my dad has undiagnosed AS and the problems you are describing are similar. But is it really fair or even healthy to blame all your emotional problems on your father?? Your dad is more than a label you know...

I also suspect my father to be AS, and I would have to assume that's where I get my tendancies as well. I have experienced some of the issues you made reference to, but I am not NT however - diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager, and according to all the online aspie tests (as well as my own opinion based on all the research I have done), most likely AS.

Either way, someone who's grown up with a parent who was AS and didn't know it definitely has a different life experience from someone who didn't. I don't know whether it would affect someone NT differently than it would affect someone AS though. Has there ever been a study?

The knowledge I have gained in the past six months has helped me understand and forgive my father, and myself, for things that I know now were unavoidable given the circumstances. The healing has just begun, and it's infinitely preferable to the anger and frustration I had directed towards the both of us...